


Given Another Chance

by xxsilverlist



Series: We Choose Our Family [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Love, M/M, Marriage, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Smut, Weddings, here we go again, i guess??, mentions of pills, picks up from where What Was Not Expected, the focus is mainly on jessie and luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-05-05 08:57:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5369366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxsilverlist/pseuds/xxsilverlist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Luke and Jessie try to balance domestic life with their busy work schedules and make time for their friends and family. In which when Jessie and Luke are given another chance they learn they must fight to keep their happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crisis Diverted

**Author's Note:**

> Well here's a reboot sequel to What Was Not Expected. :) It mainly focuses on what was mentioned in the bonus chapter of WWNE and there will (should) be separate one shots of malum's domestic life as well as Ashton's and Bryana's. I should get to writing....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jessie and Luke, along with the others, try and navigate domestic life while keeping up with new careers and life plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a month after the ending of What Was Not Expected. This reboot will mainly be following Luke and Jessie, most chapters can be read as one shots.

****I didn’t want to panic the other boys.

I didn’t want to panic the other boys with something I could fix myself. I cursed silently to myself grabbing my wallet and keys. I knew the fairy tale ending could only last so long. Now Ashton had gone missing. _Damnit_

Or he had gone for a run, my brain supplied, no, I reasoned back. His sneakers are in the hallway next to Cal’s. I walk out the door try to quietly start the car. All the cars are accounted for so he shouldn’t be that far. I curse at myself again, I knew I shouldn’t have left him alone last night. I hate to think about him walking around in the heat thats starting to climb.

Last night was a mess.

 

I like to blame last night on the January heat. The day had started off good with the five of us going our separate ways. I had gone to the hole in the wall that was soon to be my own restaurant, Leaving Luke and Calum at the recording company. Michael had gone to visit his parents and take care of moving back to Sydney from Melbourne. Leaving Ashton to his own devices.

He had said he was good at breakfast. There was my first warning. That he was planning on going to the gym then meet up with Luke and Calum. I sigh, turning into the neighborhood across the beach house. We had all somehow managed to move in there in the past eight months. I drove slowly, stopping at each park and splash pad, calling his name. I don’t know how the rest of morning had gone, but when I came back for lunch him and Luke were arguing.

“Luke really? Just take Calum's suggestion,” Ashton had been saying, looking not all that into the conversation. “After the tour we should take another break. Look what happened the last time.”

“But Ash, we’re just making a comeback to take another break after just a year isn’t profitable,” Luke had said roughly, sitting down across from him.

“Like Calum said it would be a break where we could write on our own time, still do appearances and shit. Just not be touring or putting out another album for a year or two,” Ashton said fidgeting with his sleeves, a sign his doctor had told me meant he was getting too anxious.

“Guys, I’m back for lunch,” I said stepping into the kitchen. “Whats going on?”

“Nothing,” Ashton had muttered brushing past me, taking a protein bar with him. “Luke just wants to work us all to death again.” The laugh that followed sent shivers down my spine. I gave Luke a look, backtracking to Ashton’s room.

“Ash?” I knocked lightly on the door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

Walking in I found him sitting on the window sill, eating his protein bar. A bottle of water on the nightstand. “I’m fine Jessie, it’s just a down day and Luke is trying me.” I wrapped my arms around him, kissing the top of his head.

“You’ve had a bad day for the past two days now, I’m worried.” I had muttered. “I’ll let Luke know to knock it off.” Ashton had just nodded, relaxing into me. He still carried so much weight on his shoulders, despite being almost two years clean. I wondered if with Michael’s and his mom’s help I could get him to talk to a therapist.

I had stayed until he finished the bar before walking away, leaving the door open. Unfortunately we were all busy nowadays. We had different work schedules that kept us busy, even when our off time did overlap with one another, we typically didn’t see everyone together until dinner which was usually at eight. Our work schedules were so different; Luke and Calum were handling the business part of the band, Michael the music and media part, Ashton the merchandise part. As a whole they had the band, with the new tour and album. Me, I had my first restaurant opening in three months and that was enough work to keep me away for most of the day. Plus planning a wedding on the side. 

I had caught Luke walking out the door, carrying a lettuce wrap and soda. “I want you to get him to eat something other than protein bars Luke. This is the third day he’d done that.” My fiancee had the good decency to look ashamed.

“Okay. I’ll be back here in two hours. I’ll try and make him eat that Mexican dish you made last night.” He said planting a kiss on my cheek.

 *

I turn into the shopping centers outside the suburbs, still driving slow and pissing off others. I give up on the driving and park in front of a grocery store, deciding to take my search on foot. It was five am, why was there so much traffic on a Saturday? All the stores were closed anyways.

I look back on dinner last night, all the little pieces clicking into place. Calum and Luke had come back irritated. Snapping at each other, I had been on the deck phoning in Jade about letting her visit for spring break. The fifteen year old was demanding that a visit was long over due. Michael wasn’t back yet and I could guess Karen was making him eat dinner there.

“Luke damnit move. Shouldn’t you and Jessie be house hunting by now?” Calum had said moving a stack of papers to the living room. I sighed and got off the phone, knowing I would have to fix things tonight.

“Calum why don’t you move? You have to whole living room to look over those contracts. The counters are for cooking,” Luke quipped taking out random vegetables and a package of steaks. "Shouldn't you and Michael be looking for a house too?" 

“The lighting is better,” Calum mumbled. "And we are, we need to sell the other one first."

“Jesus, you two, I want quiet for one hour,” I said kissing Luke on the cheek. “Did you get Ashton to eat?”

Luke’s face paled. “Shit Jessie, I never came back I got holed up in meetings.”

“See, you're marrying that forgetful idiot,” Calum deadpanned, pointing at Luke. I shot Calum a glare, heating up leftovers. I'll deal with their bickering later. 

“Ash, let me in,” I kicked the door as gently as I could, balancing a plate of food in one hand a glass of tea in the other.

Ashton opened the door, shirtless and in basketball shorts. His face was blank. “They’re fighting again aren’t they?”

“No. Not really, there’s no heat behind the words,” I said setting the food down on his desk. “I do need you to eat Ash, protein bars aren’t going to cut it.”

“Fine.” I sit and watch him eat until I get too squirmy and start cleaning his room. I pick up the dirty clothes and toss them into his hamper, then pick up the empty water bottles littering the floor. I’ll get the glasses and cups when I bring his plate down.

“Have you taken your meds Ashton?” The thought occurs to me when I see the empty bottle of anxiety pills he takes along with anti-depressants. “And tell me the truth.”

“No, I haven’t had a chance to get the prescriptions re-filled,” Ashton says quietly, shoveling in some more food. “I’m good though.”

“What the hell Ash? You know you need those!” I pace the room, gathering up dirty plates and glasses. I grab the empty pill bottles too, I have some calls to make. I walk out the room and bee-line to the kitchen.

Michael’s back, helping Calum go over the contracts. It’s the smell of burning food that makes me drop my immediate actions, opting instead to help Luke cook dinner before we end up having to order pizza. Or call the fire department. I really needed to teach him how to cook better.

 *

I check the few fast food restaurants that are open, having no luck in finding him. I ask a cashier at McDonalds if she has seen Ashton, but she shakes her head giving me a sad smile, I could guess she has figured out why I’m looking for him.

I start checking the alleyways, getting more frustrated by the minute. This was going nowhere. I think back to the moments before I went to bed, the conversation I had had with Luke.

“You guys need to sit down and have a talk with Ash,” I had said quietly, Ashton's room was next to ours and I knew he wasn’t asleep yet. I shrugged off my jeans slipping on my pajama bottoms. “He need your guys’ support, I can’t take the brunt of it. He needs his best friends.”

“I know Jess, we’ve just been so busy its insane,” Luke had whispered throwing his shirt into the corner of the room.

“He ran out of pills. I meant to call them in but you were trying to burn the house down again,” I muttered slipping under the covers.

“What?” Luke asked sounding genuinely shocked.

“Yeah, He needs them by tomorrow or things are going to get worse. So you three boys need to have a talk with him on letting us know about his well being. About letting you three know, I can’t play therapist, housekeeper, business owner, and wedding planner on my own.”

“I know, I know, we’ll talk to him tomorrow,” Luke muttered against my ear, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

 *

Now here I was searching for my friend. I pass by one alley when a crash startles me. I look back in and turn on the flashlight on my phone. “Ashton?”

“You’ve found me, yay!” Ash slurs, slumped against a trash bin.

“Ashton!” I rush towards him, stepping on one of the wine bottles I think Feldy had given the boys. Expensive wine. “Are you okay?”

“Perfect Jess, baby,” Ashton coos, trying to stand. I let him lean on me trying to stay upright myself. He was way to drunk for the morning.

“Just leave me here, its where I belong anyways,” He laughs cynically, making my heartbreak. "No one would give a shit."

“Jess here let me help,” I hear Calum’s voice say on my right and move slightly, letting the bassist take Ashton from me.

"Damn you Cal," Ashton whispers, trying to sit back down. Calum just hoists the blonde up higher.

“How’d…” I start.

“Morning runs remember? I saw your car missing and Ashton’s window was open so I figured something had happened,” Calum shrugs, gripping Ashton by the waist tighter. “I was right.”

We make our way to our cars, settling Ashton in the back seat of mine. “What actually happened Jess?”

I sigh raking a hand through my locks, “Well he hasn’t been eating for the past three days, which I think is about the same time he ran out of his pills –“

“Wait he ran out?” Calum says, eyebrows raised. “He’s usually on top of that.”

“Because I remind him , but we’ve all been on work overload,” I say frustrated. I take out his pharmacy booklet from my wallet, handing it to Calum. “Can you fill it right now? They open at seven,” I check my phone, it was six thirty.

“Damnit Jessie you know you’re not alone in this, hit us over the head and tell us to pay attention,” Calum say bringing me into a hug. “I know you still feel responsible for what happened and want to fix it yourself but you can’t, let us help too.” His voice catches, I feel guilty immediately. I needed to stop trying to take care of Ashton on my own and start getting the other boys involved too. Maybe that’s why I had gotten on Luke’s case last night.

“Okay, I’ll take him home get him cleaned up,” I say wiping a stray tear. “Get him some of his favorite candy or sweets. I’ll get Mikey and Luke to make pancakes.”

“Can they handle that?” Calum laughs.

“Yeah I think they can.” I laugh and get in my car. I look at Ashton who meets my eyes in the mirror. He’s startling sober already.

“I messed up again didn’t I?”

“We all mess up Ash,” I murmur. “Its okay, lets get you home and cleaned up.”

“Bry will never marry me like this,” he spits out. It makes my heart ache.

“Bryana loves you Ashton, don’t talk like that,” I say driving back home. “She truly cares for you. If she didn’t none of us would’ve let her stay with you.” Ashton just sighs and leans against the window.

*

Three hours later Ashton is showered, fed, and finally taking his pills again. I let the boys chew at him while I clean up the mess Michael and Luke left in the kitchen. Ashton already knew what I felt towards him.

“You scared us Ash!”

“Please don’t do that again,” I hear Michael exclaim. “Come to us when you think something is going even the slightest bit wrong.”

“We need you here,” Luke’s voice breaks. “You keep the band together. I don’t know what… I—“ I put the pan I’m washing down and walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, I can just make out the tears on his cheeks. He really does feel horrible.

“Ashton we all love you,” I begin. “We hurt when we see you hurt, it scares us. Promise us that you’ll come to one of us for anything, even if its something silly.”

“Like if you can’t find a guitar pick or drum stick,” Calum says, going over to Ashton and clinging to him. Michael follows suit, wrapping his arms around Ashton’s middle. He gives out a laugh, a happy pure laugh. I give Luke a nudge and we’re both following, creating a group hug. I can feel Ashton wrap an arm around me giving my shoulders a squeeze. 

“Thank you, you guys,” Ashton gets out. “For everything. I promise to start letting you guys in more.”

“That’s all we ask,” Luke says quietly nudging Ashton with his nose, getting another laugh from the blonde.

Crisis diverted.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been re-inspired!! Thank you to the kind person that commented the idea that caused this first chapter to be written. Thank you and much love!


	2. Good Eats and Good Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessie is opening up her first restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new chapter because why not.

 

I was nervous. Sweat pouring down my back and forehead nervous. I had snapped at the boys more times than I cared to count these past two months as the deadline to the grand opening of my restaurant came near.

Now it was tomorrow and I was being interviewed by a fancy cooking magazine I’m sure was Luke’s doing. Sure I had done the local newspaper, some well-known cooking blogs. This was something on a whole other level. I’m talking about having a wardrobe brought in, hair and makeup, and having a photoshoot in my restaurant. I was getting used to having the spotlight being focused on me most days, but there were times when I would go back to my nineteen year old self and run and lock myself in my room.

“Luke!” I call, hopping off the chair I was sitting in to get my hair done. I mutter a sorry at the lady and walk towards my fiancé. “Luke, what is this?”

“A magazine interview,” He says off handedly, scrolling through his phone. I can see the smirk on his face, he did set this up.

“Why did you set this up?” I demand crossing my arms over my chest, a crew of photographers, lighting crew, and my own dear employees whirling around us.

Luke turns around kissing me hard. “Because baby you deserve this. You deserve this recognition, you worked hard to save up, get loans, decorate this place and hire great employees. All on your own too!” He pulls me to his chest and I relent, burying my face in his shirt. “This is your baby, I only invested in it.” We both laugh pulling away.

“I didn’t need hair and makeup,” I mumble, shuffling my feet. “I can do that on my own.”

“Can’t I spoil my girlfriend?” Luke says between kissing me again. I kiss back giving him a small push.

I start walking back towards the hair stylist and yell, “Fiancée. I’m your fiancée!”

 

\--

“So Jessica,” The journalist begins shifting closer to me. We’re in one of the circular booths of the place, towards the back near the bar. “You own and manage this restaurant but you are not the head chef, correct?”

I nod, twisting my engagement ring around my finger. “Yes that’s correct. I’m also the head bartender so I have a pretty busy schedule, I don’t think I could fit in being a chef.”

The lady smiles at me jotting things down on a notepad. “Well that is a big workload, do you have any input in the menu or did you leave it up to your head chef?”

I let out a laugh trying to find my words. “In a way I guess. I wanted this place to represent my Hispanic background so a lot of the dishes are recipes I grew up with or learned to make, but I do let Leo put out his own creation and recipes.”

“So what crowd are you hoping to attract. Your restaurant has a very high end Latin feel to it,” The lady waves around, gesturing to the decorations. I look at the iron chandeliers in the ceiling then to the bright and colorful tiles on the tables. There are dark wood floors and chairs, and a few pieces of art hanging on the walls along with iron flowers.

“Whatever crowd as long as they enjoy good food,” I say finally just as Luke slides in next me. He gives the journalist a dazzling smile stretching out his hand.

“Mr. Hemmings how nice of you to join us,” the lady comments shaking his hand before writing more things down on her notepad.

“So Luke, are you happy for your fiancée?”

“Absolutely, I support her in everything she does.” Luke replies without missing a beat, catching my hand and brushing his lips against it. The journalist nods looking at us.

“Well I will definitely be coming by tomorrow to try out the food then,” She says sliding out of the booth and gathering her things, turning off the recording on her phone. “And finish up this interview, pleasure meeting both of you.” With a tight smile she leaves, leaving Luke and I in the booth.

“Well that was fun wasn’t it?” Luke quirks his eyebrow at me, an easy smile on his lips. I shove him out of the booth, letting him fall to the ground. The crew around us starts laughing along with me, Luke trying to pull me down with him.

I step over him, I would not ruin the clothes I was in, and head over to the bar. “After the shoot I’ll make drinks for everyone.” I call out, the crew cheering and clapping in response.

“Lets get this photoshoot over with then,” The photographer says, hoisting his camera up.

 

After the last of the crew leaves and I’m changed back into my sweats, I leave Luke tucked into a booth going over more work emails and paperwork to cook up a snack. The kitchen is fully stocked, everything brand new and shiny. I start pulling down pans and knives and grab brisket, onions, red peppers, lime, and tortillas. I work quickly, it wouldn’t do any good if Luke fell asleep on me.

“Luke I made dinner,” I say setting down our plates. Luke looks up from the laptop, grinning.

“Great I’m starving,” He says closing the device. “What is this?”

“Street tacos,” I say taking a bite out of mine.

Luke nods taking a bite out of his first taco. “The others are going to be jealous.”

I shrug, “Calum’s been learning how to cook, and Ashton. They can hold their own.”

“Yeah, but nothing beats your cooking. The guys are really going to miss that when we move into our house,” Luke says, sipping at his wine. I smile at him spreading my arms out.

“They can always come here.” We finish eating in silence, Calum texting to say he had made dinner.

“When do we tell them we bought a house and are moving in a month?” I ask staring at Calum’s message.

“I dunno Jess,” Luke sighs. “Everything’s creeping up so fast, I can’t keep up with it.”

“We tell them tomorrow then.”

“You’re going to be busy.”

“We’re going to be busy,” I correct. “During my lunch we tell them.”

“Okay.”

\--

“Are you ready for tonight?” Luke whispers against my bare shoulder, sneaking kisses.

“No, not really,” I say, stretching. Luke continues to press kisses to my shoulder and back, his hand tracing lines down my hip and thigh.

“Maybe I can help,” He says, his voice deepening. I grin, turning to face Luke.

“Jessie where’s your –“ The door opens revealing Jade. “Pancake mix?” She stops dead in her tracks, eyes wide. I drag up the covers from where they had been tangled around Luke’s and I’s feet covering our very naked bodies. “I didn’t see – I’m walking out now. Goodbye.” The fifteen year backs out, slamming the door.

“Shit I forgot she was here,” Luke mumbles, the mood killed. I smack his shoulder sitting up.

“She’s been here the past three days,” I say getting out of bed. “Better us than her catching Cal and Mike.”

Luke slumps back down pulling the sheets over his head. “True. Remind me to lock the door tonight.”

“Fine, fine.” I mutter gathering clothes from closet. “Now get up, we have a long day ahead.” I throw a shoe at Luke, hitting his chest. There’s a muffled groan but he sits up and stretches, planting his feet on the floor. I walk into the bathroom laughing, Luke at my heels.

 

“Jess I am so sorry, I’ll knock next time,” Jade starts jumping up from the couch.

“You should knock every time,” I retort bee-lining for the coffee.

“What happened?” Michael asks, walking into the kitchen in just his boxers. He blinks at my niece before shrugging, taking the coffee pot out of my hand. I hold my mug out letting him pour coffee.

Jade turns red, stuttering.

“She saw Luke and me naked,” I say for her, laughing at the expression my niece gives. Michael laughs, placing the coffee pot roughly on the counter. He doubles over laughing as Calum and Luke make their way down the stairs. Calum lifts an eyebrow but otherwise doesn’t bother asking anything, Michael will tell him soon enough.

“Shit, I needed that,” Michael gets out, pouring Calum a cup of coffee handing the pot to Luke. “Cal, Jade saw Jess and Luke getting it on.”

“About to,” Luke clarifies blushing a bit himself as he makes eye contact with my niece. Calum starts laughing, pulling down bowls and random cereals.

“Great,” is all he gets out smacking Michael’s ass to get him to move out of the way.

“Sorry?” Jade tries meekly.

I ruffle her hair, “Don’t worry about it, they’re just immature boys. I don’t know how Calum and Michael are married!” I yell the last part loudly, making sure Michael gives me the finger to know that he heard.

“I brought cupcakes!” Ashton calls walking into the kitchen. “Where’s everyone?”

I point to the deck where the guys are already fighting over which cereal they want. “Out there. Thank you Ashton.”

“It’s your grand opening. You deserve something special,” He says placing a quick kiss on my cheek. “Come on Jade, lets go before they finish the cereal.” We follow, Jade already trying to sneak a cupcake.

*

“You look stunning,” Calum says walking into my office. I couldn’t bring myself to walk out into the much bigger crowd that was in my restaurant. Luke and Calum’s marketing had paid off.

“Thank you,” I say running my fingers over the strapless emerald green silk dress I had splurged on for the occasion. The gold and amethyst ring and earrings I was also wearing were a gift from the band. The heels an insisted gift by Jade.

Calum looked good himself, dressed in black jeans and a white button down top with the first two buttons undone. His hair fell perfectly into his eyes and I could see why Michael was completely in love with him. “Mali wants you to make her those margaritas you made for New Year’s.” Calum says tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “Don’t be nervous Jessie, everyone you love is out there rooting for you.” I let out a breath and nod. I was silly to be hiding in here when I needed to be charming everyone that came.

“I can never get used to being the center of attention, but I kind of asked for it this time, didn’t I?” I sigh, giving a small smile to Calum.

“Me neither,” Calum admits, leaning against the desk. “But it’s something that comes with the job and you can either be scared of it and always on edge or you can embrace it and not let it scare you.” I nod and walk towards the door holding my hand out. I wouldn’t let it control me.

“Lets do this.”

 

 

I make Mali her margarita as well as everyone else’s drinks as the nights go on. I’m kept on my toes from the moment I step out of the office, losing Calum quickly to the crowd. It’s packed, with a wait line an hour long but the people seem content to wait it out inside or in the brisk air outside. I have two booths roped off for the band, Mali, jade and few of my friends from Uni. When I can I help take out orders, Luke finally getting an apron on me before I stain my dress.

I recognize some of my regulars from the bar I had worked at before waving at me, and chatting when I go over to their tables. Luke helps bring out drinks, talking to critics when I can’t and the few paparazzi trying to catch a glimpse of 5 Seconds of Summer. He chats to the bloggers and journalists that showed up, also making sure to go over to each table and thank them for coming. I can’t stop smiling, watching him greet the journalist from the day before.

I serve her personally, sitting down across from here with a drink of my own. “Hello again.”

“Hello,” She says opening up a small notebook. “So a packed house, you must be happy.”

“Extremely, this is my dream after all,” I say.

“Glad you achieved it then,” I nod, letting the lady start eating. I catch Luke’s eye and he wink, giving me a thumbs up.

After a few moments the journalist speaks up, “This food is amazing, compliments to chef. The drink, I taste good quality rum in this.”

“Thank you,” I say quietly, “it was hard, but I wanted the best for this restaurant. It’s been two years in the making. I, um, made the drink.”

“You are talented then,” she says and starts eating again. “Is your family here?”

“My niece is, the others couldn’t make it. They sent that though,” I point to the elaborate mosaic of the sun and moon hanging in between the shelves of liquor.

“Exquisite.” Is all she says, focusing back on the food. I take it as my cue to leave, as I stand she waves at me. “I wish you luck Jessica, you might be young but you have something going for you. Don’t throw it all away for some boyband.”

“Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind,” I grit out, heading over to the table where my friends sit.

*

“I just wanted to thank everyone that worked this evening,” I say raising a glass of champagne at my workers and friends, the last of the customers having left a few minutes ago. The restaurant was finally closed for the night. “This restaurant is something very special to me and to see it open and with a successful first night, brings me so much joy. Thank you Luke for believing I could do this, even after I dumped chile on you.” I let everybody laugh, before continuing. “Thank you Michael, Calum, and Ashton for supporting me too, you guys are great friends.”

“What about me?” Mali yells, raising her glass of champagne. I laugh and point to her.

“She’s the reason there’s a bar in this restaurant,” I say, Mali sticking her tongue out before laying her head on Bryana’s shoulder. “I couldn’t have done this like I did without your guys’ support. Thank you all for coming.” I raise the glass of champagne and everyone follows suit.

*

“How do we always end up buzzed and at the beach?” Michael states, resting his head on Calum’s lap. It was just the five of us now, the air crisp and the stars bright.

“Because we have nothing better to do,” Ashton laughs, sitting on the steps of the deck.

“Actually we wanted to let you guy’s know something,” Luke says sitting up straighter. The other three look at us blankly, waiting.

“We found a house a while ago,” I start, gripping Luke’s hand. “We bought it a month ago, and it’s ready to move in whenever we are.” I wait for the shouting or tears or anything really. I don’t expect for the three boys to run up to us and tackle us into a group hug.

“Finally!” Ashton says.

“We’ve been waiting for you two to tell us,” Calum chides, sitting back on his heels.

“You guys already knew?” Luke asks, sitting back up.

“We saw the paperwork in the studio idiot,” Michael says hitting Luke’s shoulder. “We knew it was going to happen eventually, you guys get married in five months.”  

“We’ll help you guys move in,” Ashton offers. “Is it before tour?”

“Yeah, in three weeks,” Luke admits, I nod along. “I want Jessie to get settled into the house before we leave, since she’s not coming on tour.” They nod, agreeing with the time line. We’re all quiet, letting the ocean drown our thoughts.

“I have something to say too,” Ashton says quietly.

“What is it?” I say, scooting towards him.

“I’ve been thinking about moving in with Bry, she needed a roommate anyways, and I spend most of my time over there too…” Ashton trails off, giving me a smile. I hug him tightly, raking my fingers through his hair.

“She knows about everything,” Ashton speaks up again, looking at the rest of the boys. “She understands what I’m recovering from, and I think the two of us are ready for this.”

“If that’s what you want to do, go for it Ash,” Luke says laying his head in the blonde’s lap. Ashton smiles, carding his finger through Luke’s hair.

“Okay.”

“So that means we get the beach house to ourselves?” Michael asks jumping up.

“Seems like it,” I say slowly. Michael drags Calum up, giving the brunette a heated kiss. Calum responds immediately, clutching at Michael's waist, parting his lips. “Go to your room!” I laugh out just as Michael picks up Calum bridal style, carrying his husband to their room. Good thing Jade slept through anything.

“We should all just sleep outside,” Luke mumbles, inching closer to Ashton. We laugh, heading inside. If we all end up sleeping in the living room, it would be because we were too tired to go up the stairs and not because of the moaning.

 


	3. Moving Out is Harder than it Looks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group settles into domestic life before tour.

“It’s so big,” I squeal spreading my arms out across the entrance hall, the stair case in front of me big and inviting. As much as I had fought Luke on having a big house I had to admit the four bedroom, three and half bath house was perfect. It had high ceilings and columns with a glittering chandelier in the middle of the hall.

All the appliances were new, but the house itself was old. Almost twenty years and had that lived in feel about it, something I had wanted. Not any of those modern disasters that were all monochrome and high tech. I walk further down the hall, making my way to the kitchen Luke laughing quietly behind me. For the past few months we had been making adjustments and renovations. Taking down the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen, fixing up the pool and lawn outside, painting our room and guest bedrooms new colors, and buying new lighting fixtures.

“So I take it you love the house?” Luke offers wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I spin around laughing.

“Of course I do, I’ve loved this house since I laid eyes on it,” I walk into the walk-in pantry, the shelves still bare. “This is amazing, I can’t believe this is our first house.”

“And you wanted that little two bedroom house from across the beach house,” Luke teases sitting on the dark stone countertops.

“I didn’t realize we had that big of a budget,” I answer truthfully hopping up on the counter next to him. I hadn’t realized we had enough money to buy a mansion until Luke pointed it out. My restaurant had picked up speed, becoming the hot new it place to go. The band was doing great, selling out almost every stadium on their world tour. For the first time in a while I was allowed to live in luxury.

“Believe it now sweetheart,” Luke says pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Ready to move in?”

“Yes, everything’s finished I don’t see why we can’t start moving in.” I hop off the counter waiting for Luke to do the same. It was exciting starting this new chapter in our lives.

“I wish you could’ve came on tour with us. It’s not going to be much fun without you,” Luke pouts and I kiss him gently, wrapping my arm around his.

“It’ll be just as fun, and remember me and Bry are going to the L.A shows,” we start walking out the house, exiting through grand French oak doors. “And the shows here in Oz.”

“Yeah but, wouldn’t you want to see Shanghai or Thailand? Paris and London are beautiful when we head over there,” Luke tries again and while the idea of seeing more of the world sounded like a great idea, I’m simply too busy to fit so many trips into my schedule.

“You know I can’t, we have a mortgage to pay now,” I laugh as Luke opens the door to our car for me, another new buy, waiting until I’m comfortable to close the door. I wait for him to slide in and start the car before continuing. “Hey since we don’t get much of a honey moon, why don’t we go to London and Paris after the end of tour? You have what, a month long break before picking up the press tour?” Luke nods, giving me a glance as he pulls onto the main road.

“Sounds like a plan then,” Luke says reaching blindly for my hand. “Let’s go tell the guys we’re ready to start packing.”

 

 

With three weeks until my fiancée and his band went on tour, we had to pack everything up and move in quickly. In between tour practice and working, all five of us found the time that Sunday to start packing. I didn’t have much stuff, everything was either stateside in Dallas or crammed into Luke and I’s closet. Luke had the most stuff, having to make two trips to his house to pack up things.

I hadn’t seen the Hemmings family since our engagement party and it felt like a long overdue visit when Luke, Ashton, and I walked into the house to collect the last of Luke’s belongings that he was taking with him.

“Liz!”

“Jessie,” Liz cheered when she saw me, gathering me up in a hug. “So good to see you love, it feels like forever.”

“I know, everything’s just been hectic and busy,” I trail off not really sure how to explain.

“You have a wedding to plan and business to run all while taking care of those boys,” Liz points to the two men currently trying to lug boxes down the stairs and failing. “Come I made you guys some cupcakes to take back to the beach house.” I follow Liz to the kitchen, trying to memorize small details.

“You know what I told Luke after I found out you two got back together?”

“What?” I pick up a cupcake, biting into it.

“I told him ‘don’t let that one go again, she cares about you and your friends deeply.’ All the other girls that had come and gone, all the cared for was what they could get out of Luke or the band, never just content to sit and listen and get to know my son.”  Liz pulls me into another hug handing me a container of cupcakes. I felt myself blushing I didn’t deserve all that praise after everything I had done. “You did and now look at the two of you, successful, the rest of the boys too. I bet Karen and Joy are happy to their sons together after six years of fighting it.”

We both laugh this time, just as a bang draws our attention to the front door. Ashton’s on the ground clutching a stuffed penguin to his chest, laughing his head off. Luke is red in the face, laughing as well. Scattered around the floor are childhood toys and clothes as well as a few stuffed animals, mostly penguins.

“Damnit Luke, I forgot you were obsessed with penguins,” Ashton laughs trying pick himself up off the floor. Luke helps him get up, wrapping an arm around his waist. They’re both laughing, making me fond over the blondes.

“Me too,” Luke chuckles, picking up a smaller penguin. “Can we put this one in our room?” Luke tosses the penguin at me, hitting me in my chest.

“No, it can go in one of the guest rooms,” I smirk, holding the penguin close to me.

“Fine, fine,” Luke agrees airily, looking down at the mess on the floor. “Help me and Ash pick up?”

“Oh no,” I say retreating up the stairs, “I’ll bring down some more boxes.”  I leave Ashton and Liz laughing at Luke and head into his old bedroom. It was in the same shape I remembered it from, just a bit messier. Sighing I sit on the edge of his bed, toying with a crocheted blanket that still smells like Luke. We were about to start a new life together, and this was about as much closure to my old life as I was going to get. I couldn’t go to Phoenix or Dallas and collect the rest of my things, my parents had made it clear they didn’t want me back after Luke and I had gotten back together. The only ones that had said were coming to my wedding was my aunt and her family.

So I hold the blanket up to my nose and breathe in, I couldn’t afford to be homesick anymore. Sydney was my home now. I let a few tears fall, my chest heaving with sobs I wouldn’t let out. I shove everything to the back of my mind and lock it up, I’ll deal with it never.

 

*

 “Is this really all you’re taking with you Ash?” I point to the two suitcases filled with clothes, and the worn guitar on the bed.

“And this,” Ashton rolls his eyes, looking down at the box in his hands. In between my own packing I was now helping Ashton move in with Bryana so they could spend the rest of their down time together.  “Jess most of my stuff is already at her place, this is all that’s left.”

The room looked too bare for me to handle, I wasn’t handling this very well. The walls were void of the few pictures Ashton had put up, along with his artwork. The bed was stripped, the closet empty and the always open window was shut. I was happy at my friend, he had built a new and healthy life in three years. It just hurt to think of us all going our separate ways at last.

“Okay lets get you loaded up.”

“Mind if I join?” Calum knocks on the doorframe, looking comfortable in joggers and one of Michael’s shirts.

“Sure mate, grab the keys and lets get out of here,” Ashton chirps passing the box to Calum in favor of picking up the suitcases, leaving me with the guitar.

“Is this all?” Calum asks, eyebrows furrowed. “I thought you had more stuff.”

“My drums are in the studio, and the rest of my things are already at her place, this was all that was left,” Ashton sighs like it’s the easiest thing to figure out, shutting off the light and closing the door when I finally walk out.

“Forgot how much time you spent over there,” Calum mumbles, heading down the stairs. We have the house to ourselves, Michael and Luke already at the rehearsal stage. I lock up before loading everything into Calum and Michael’s truck. In a few days I would hand over my key to Calum, and it would just be Calum and Michael in the beach house alone.

 

At Bryana’s apartment we leave Ashton teary eyed as he settles his things into his already designated drawers and closet space. It's a spacious apartment, with large windows and a fire escape Ashton could sit out on during the summer.

“Where’s Bry?” Calum asks sneaking a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Covering a shift some nurse gave up,” Ashton says fondly, folding the last of his clothes away.

“You sure you’ll be fine?” I can’t help but ask, burying myself into a hug. He’s only an inch or two taller than me, my head resting nicely on his shoulder.

“Of course Jess, I wouldn’t have moved in if I didn’t feel right,” Ashton strokes my hair, muttering something at Calum. I feel, rather than see, Calum join the hug pressing against my side. Ashton kisses my forehead softly and that’s when I start crying.

“No, no don’t cry,” Ashton says, tears streaking his own face. We had built our family back together and now everyone was moving. “We’re still a family, and really that beach house wouldn’t have held us all for much longer.”

“I know, I know,” I hiccup, pulling away. Calum looks like he wants to cry but he’s holds in it, just barely. “It’s just, it’s you and us and we’ve been through so much…”

“Yeah we have, and now it’s time to start new things Jess, see you in a few days yeah?” Ashton says wiping the last of my tears off my face. I nod and give him one more hug, Calum hugs him too, long and full of unsaid words.

We leave Ashton and head down the elevator, a few people in the lobby staring at us. “Want to talk about it?” Calum asks casually digging out his car keys.

“Nope.”

“Will you talk to me about it?”

“Later,” I answer and get into the truck.

“‘Kay.”

*

It’s during a sunny weekend that we load up all the cars with mine and Luke’s belongings. Our car is packed full, along with Calum’s truck. Luke’s guitars and keyboard rest in Ashton’s car Bryana meeting us at the new house with Lunch.

I wish Mali could’ve joined our little moving party but she’s stuck in London working, or more like on tour for festival season. “Ready to do this?” Luke brings me out of my thoughts, glancing over me.

I nod, watching the trees blur past as we head across town to our house. “Yeah, I’m excited. Sucks you won’t be around to help me break it in.”

“We have tomorrow night for that,” Luke barks out a laugh turning up the radio.

“What shame everyone is staying over tonight,” I say slipping my hand on the inside of Luke’s thigh. His eyebrows shoot up, and he bites his lip.

“Don’t make me pull the car over,” Luke warns a smirk on his lips.

“Michael and Ashton would honk at us until we got back on the road,” I laugh waving to Michael as he passes us by. “Does he know where he’s going?”

“I don’t know,” Luke answers. I sigh and kick up my feet, in twenty minutes we would be at our new house.

 

 

 

“Guys please watch that!” I shout, watching Michael and Luke try to carry in a box filled with new plates, pans, and silverware. Michael dips, letting the box almost fall teasingly. “Fuck Calum tell your husband to knock it off.”

“Tell him yourself,” Calum quips, bringing down Luke’s guitars. “Where do I put these?”

“Garage,” I say pointing to the not really finished home music studio.

“What did Luke have to do to get a home studio?” Calum asks cocking his head to the side.

“Eat me out,” I deadpan before bursting out into giggles. Calum rolls his eyes walking off.

“I’ll get you for that one Jess!”

“At least most of the furniture is already in the house,” Ashton notes as we walk into the house. “Been moving in little at a time?”

I shove him, joining Bryana in the kitchen where she is stacking pizza boxes on the counter. There’s beer and wine mixed with cans of soda. I stare at her raising a brow. “What?” She laughs in her sing song voice. “We don’t have time to throw a house warming party so this will have to do.” I shake my head and begin putting the drinks in the fridge.

“Fancy,” Ashton whistles, pointing to the wood covered fridge that hides it in a way to look like doors.

“Bring that up with Luke,” I mutter tracing my hand over the dark wood. “I like it though.”

“So do I, Ash,” Bryana comments kissing her boyfriend on the cheek. “Wouldn’t it be lovely to move out here? Away from all that city noise.”

Ashton gags kissing Bryana back. “I much like city life thank you very much.” He walks away leaving us girls laughing.

“Come on, lets put the dishes away,” Bryana chirps pulling her blonde hair up in a bun. I roll my eyes but start opening the boxes on the floor. It was going to be a long day.

 

 

“Luke let Michael set up the t.v, he looks like he’s about to yell,” I call from the kitchen, slipping pizza slices onto plates. Ashton is making popcorn, Bryana pouring drinks. Its well past eleven at night but we’re all too wired to sleep so movies it was.

“But –“

“I know more about technology than you Hemmings, scoot over,” Michael emphasizes, knocking my fiancée out of the way. I chuckle silently giving up on the pizza and just bringing the boxes over to the living room. I set them down, clutching a glass of wine as I settle in next to Luke. It feels like old times, drinking cheap alcohol (but not really) and watching shitty comedies (that stayed the same).

We had bought a wraparound couch so everyone could fit comfortably, the soft leather molding to one’s body. Already everyone was pairing off as Michael dimmed the lights and popped in the movie; Ashton and Bryana in one corner wrapped up in two large blankets. Calum and Michael on the other side of Luke, not at all caring about personal space as Calum plopped his feet on Luke’s lap laying his head in Michael’s. Michael kisses Calum propping a pillow under his head. “Watch the movie,” he mumbles tracing Calum’s nose.

Luke puts his arm over my shoulder bringing me closer to him. I spread our own blanket over our legs, resting my head on his shoulder just as the movie begins.

*

Its two nights before the boys leave on tour. I’m still awake going over order forms long after Luke’s last attempt to make me come to bed. I blink at the clock on the microwave, it’s almost two in the morning. My phone starts vibrating at the same time there’s a knock on the door.

I pick up already walking towards the door, “Cal what’s wrong”? I open the front door revealing Calum in a black hoodie and pj bottoms, his eyes rimmed red with unshed tears, his phone against his ear. “Come here,” I pull him into a hug hanging up on the phone.

 

“What happened, why are you here?” I ask brewing tea. Calum sits on the couch a blanket draped around his shoulders. He stares blankly at me before sobbing.

“I wish Mali was here,” he whispers.

“What’s wrong Calum?” I place the mug of tea in his shaky hands wary that he won’t drop it on the new rug. Calum wipes his eyes taking a sip of tea. I wait as he gathers himself, taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly.

“They rejected our form, again.” _Oh_. I wrap and arm around Calum, placing my chin on his shoulder. This was the second time the adoption agencies rejected Calum and Michael, and I was beginning to have my suspicions. I stay quiet letting Calum finish explaining himself. “They said it was our work schedule, that what we do wasn’t a suitable condition to raise a kid. Yeah and what of the hundred other celebrity couples that adopt?”

“Shhh, you’ll wake Luke,” I murmur, tracing patterns onto his shoulders. “Calum, listen, maybe you should take Michael’s suggestions and move to L.A.” As much as it pained me, I knew what the couple wanted and they weren’t going to find it in Australia like I had. It broke my heart seeing the couple so worn down and sad all the time.

“No, I want to stay here with you guys,” Calum says heatedly. “I don’t want to be further than a few hours away from everyone.”

“Don’t or won’t?” I say softly taking a sip of my own tea.

Calum lets out a shaky laugh, “I don’t know at this point. I want to be near family, but god Jessie this isn’t looking good. Michael and I want a family, and I have so much to make up for to Mike.”

“Don’t feel like you have to adopt right now just because you’re trying to say sorry for what you put Mike through,” I say giving Calum a look. “Do you want kids Calum?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Right now?”

Calum falters, “I don’t know Jess.”

“Then you and Mike need to talk before it gets worse,” I say moving hair out of Calum’s brows. “I won’t have you two fighting to live in my house if something goes to shit.”

Calum gives a small smile. “Yeah, even though I would get priority, right?” I shove Calum gently shaking my head.

“You can stay the night tonight if you need to,” I start when Calum cuts me off.

“No, Mike would wake up scared,” Calum stands setting the mug down. “He takes the rejections harder, he’s pushing more to look elsewhere, and I have to be the strong one.” I stand and walk Calum to the door.

“No you don’t, you’re both hurting and struggling,” I say hugging him. “It’ll work out in the end, don’t rush it.” Calum just nods walking out the door. I watch him get into his car where he waves bye. I would send them off in two days, there will be more time for goodbyes.

Tired I turn off the lights, finally heading to bed. I shrug off my clothes slipping under the covers in just my underwear. “Was that Calum?” Luke mutters dragging me closer to him.

“Shh, it was no one. Go to bed,” I whisper kissing his forehead. Sometimes I wish I could share what I knew with him, but he wouldn’t understand. Calum didn’t trust him fully, it was a delicate balance.

*

They had boarded the plane hours ago.

Calum and Michael had been late, like I had expected. I roll my eyes as I double check the locks making sure the alarm is set. I turn off the lights padding my way up the stairs to my bedroom. I close all the doors. Again I was living in a house way too big for myself. Just three more months, I thought, and this house will be filled with family.

I leave the master bedroom door open, folding back the covers and popping in a movie into the player. I change and get ready for bed, wiping off my makeup and undoing my hair from its bun. I set my alarm. Just because Calm and Ashton weren’t here didn’t mean I would stop working out. I had a wedding to look good for.

I slide into the king size bed, wishing I had a dog to curl up at my feet. It was too big, too lonely. I pull the comforter over my head. I hadn’t slept by myself in a little over a year, whether it had been with Luke at my side or three snoring guys across the hall. I flip off the bedside lamp, letting the darkness wash over me. The movie plays quietly in the background, if there wasn’t any noise I would probably never sleep.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments or kudos, let me know how this is going :) Also the third part to this series is almost ready to be posted! Thank you for reading and everything.


	4. To Married Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girls night happens.

I was woken up to incessant knocking and yelling. It was my only day off this week and I wanted to spend it sleeping in. My phone starts ringing and thinking the worse I answer it. “What’s wrong?” I try to focus on the numbers on the clock, making out that it was somewhere between eight and nine in the morning.

“Jessie come open the fucking door,” Mali shouts into the phone, just as another round of knocking begins downstairs. I bolt upright, my sleepiness leaving me. I rush out of my room and down the hall, slipping on the hardwood floors.

I take the stairs two at a time making it to the front door out of breath. I throw open the door Mali barreling her way into my arms a second later. “Mali!”

“Jess!” She hugs me tight, I wasn’t expecting her for a few more weeks. I cling to her tripping over her feet as we shuffle around the door. There’s a coughing from behind the door as Mali pulls away an awkward looking Bryana standing a foot away. She shifts from foot to foot, grinning.

“Hey Bry,” I close the gap pulling the blonde into a hug. “Why are you guys here?”

“We’re here to have a girl’s day—“

“Night!”

I laugh letting them into my house. Mali whistle toeing off her shoes, Bryana follows suit already making herself comfortable. She beelines for the kitchen humming one of the boy’s new songs. “Some house you got here, it’s beautiful.” We head into the kitchen, Mali wide eyed as Bryana points out random things in the house.

“Thank you, so we’re having a girls day or night?” I smirk bringing mugs down for coffee.

“Both,” Mali chirps digging through my drawers and cabinets. She pulls out pans before heading over to the fridge, pulling out eggs and milk. “Pancakes?”

“Sure,” I shrug, letting Bryana and Mali cook breakfast for me.

“We’re going to get our nails and hair done,” Bryana begins firing up the stove. “Then shopping and finally dinner.”

“Then drinks,” Mali raises a spatula in a mock toast. We all giggle as I open up my laptop to answer emails, having it promptly shut by Bryana.

“No, go get ready,” She hums taking the laptop away from me. “No work today, just fun.” Bryana wags a finger at me, shoving the laptop into its case.

I laugh and make my way towards the stairs. “Okay Mali, you’ve been here for less than thirty minutes how do you know where everything is?” Mali laughs, flicking flour my way.

“I just do, now go!” I shake my head laughing. This was going to be a pretty wild day. I head up the stairs excited for what the day was going to bring.

*

The late afternoon sun blinded me as we walked into the restaurant we were having dinner at. A cute Italian place that Luke and I had frequented enough that the manager personally greeted me once us girls had been seated. I chat with him, introducing Mali and Bryana.

“Is it always like that?” Bryana asked, watching the manager walk away.

“Like what?” I shot back admiring the way my new manicure caught the light. Mali had also convinced me add lighter streaks to my hair, her newly silver tipped hair up in a braid.

“Everyone always coming up to you and offering things?” Bryana waved to the bottle of red wine that had accompanied the manager. “Always tripping over there feet to please you?” She giggles, pouring glasses for all of us.

I nod, sighing. “Yeah, most of the time. You never went through that?” I question the former model taking a bite out of the breadsticks that had just arrived.

“I was never that big of a model,” she laughs, waving her hands like no big deal. Mali nods, stealing my breadstick.

“Same with me when I go out of the U.K, no one really knows me until they put together that Hood means related to Calum Hood. You’ve made yourself into a bit of a celebrity,” I gape at her, shocked. Mali just shrugs taking another bite of the bread.

“I never saw it that way,” I mutter just as the waiter comes to take our orders. I had never thought that I would be in the spotlight on my own, I’d associated that with Luke. It was Luke that was the celebrity, not me. Until now that is.

*

“Here’s to you Jessie!” Mali raises her shot at smiling. “You are the best to walk into my life so far.”

“Same, we love you Jess. I can’t believe your wedding is right around the corner,” Bryana adds in, raising her own shot. I raise mine, grinning at the two girls I called my closest friends.

“Are you ready to be a married woman?” Mali quips knocking our glasses together. The music coming through the speakers makes it hard to hear.

“Of course,” I laugh, I hadn’t felt so sure of anything in a while.

“Then here’s to us girls, but especially you Jessie. To your marriage.” We knock back the shots, a waiter already coming over with more. The moody atmosphere of the bar a stark comparison of our cheery moods. Red and pink lanterns float over our heads adding to the hardwood floors and selves. The table we’re sitting at glossy black, I stare at my reflection. I was ready for a new chapter in my life.

“Come on Jess, let’s dance,” I feel Bryana drag me up  out of my chair. I follow along happily, Mali already moving on the small dance floor. I lose myself to the music.

*

“Okay Jess, but are you ready for your wedding night?” Mali smirks and winks at me, kicking her feet on the coffee table. After the first bar we had all agreed on being too tired to go to another bar. We were in my living room gossiping while a shitty reality t.v show played.

I giggle, throwing a pillow her way. She ducks, letting it hit Bryana’s side. The blonde huffs daintily, tossing the pillow back at me. “Mali! It’s not like – Luke and I…” I stumble over my words way too sober now to have this conversation. “Whatever, I’m telling you about my sex life.” I huff, crossing my arms.

“See, I told you they were kinky,” Bryana giggles, clutching onto Mali’s shoulders. Mali laughs loudly, tossing her head back. I feel myself turn red, I was being attacked.

“Shut up,” I mumble letting myself fall backwards onto the couch.

“Ooo, I think I should get Calum to take you lingerie shopping when they get in,” Mali coos, poking my leg with a nail. “What do you think Bry?”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Bryana agrees moving to sit next to me. I let her play with my hair, still covering my face with my arm. “Jessie don’t be so shy, who else is going embarrass you?”

“Michael,” I say weakly, knowing full well that he would have already embarrassed me worse if he had been here. The girls laugh, muttering their agreements. I rest my head in Bryana’s lap, letting her braid and unbraid my slightly lighter locks. I can already feel myself dozing when Mali nudges me with her toes, calling me.

“Hmm?”

“Jess wake up, its barely two,” Mali laughs, nudging me again. “I asked how you were doing in this big house all alone.”

I open my eyes, staring up at the ceiling. “Well its not haunted so there’s that. It gets pretty lonely, like living in the beach house again except with even more room.” Bryana sighs, moving my bangs out of my face. She stands and walks over to my sort of empty liquor cabinet, she pulls down tumblers and a bottle of rum.

“And if I thought being alone in my apartment was bad…” She gives me an awkward hug, the angle we’re at not the best one. I end up getting a face full of her chest, the low cut blouse she’s wearing inching lower.

“Whoa there girl,” I say poking one of Bryana’s boobs. She just laughs pulling her shirt up handing me a glass of the amber liquid.

“Are you ready to get married Jess?” She asks softly in a gentler tone, brown eyes wide. She looks so innocent I forget she’s the one that tackled me over the last slice of chocolate cake Mali had made once.

“I am,” I say sitting back up. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” Bryana grins, looking over my shoulder. The hair on the back of my neck stands up as I hear a rustling sound behind me. I turn, trying to see what Bryana is looking at.

“Good,” Bryana says as Mali lets out a war cry, I turn in time to be hit by silly string in the face. The two blondes laugh, Bryana tossing me a can of the stuff. She continues to spray me as I wipe the string off my face. “Catch us if you can!” They take off running sliding into walls. I shake my head and put my glass down. Pushing myself off the couch I chase after them, slipping on the wood floors.

*

These are the best parts of my life now, I think hazily. It’s a random hour in the early morning and I’m awoken after being knocked on the floor by the two girls I’ve come to call my best friends. I stretch, pulling my hair down out of its ponytail. I kick off my socks and shuffle towards the bed. My heads hurts too much to change out of my clothes.  

These are the best parts of my life because I am happy. I am fully living now, I let myself think as I pull myself up by the sheets. Mali is curled on her side in the space I had been occupying. Her blonde hair falls into her face, making her look like a child. I nudge Mali, making her roll into Bryana. It’s a good feeling to have found a home, to have made a little home out of friendship.

I crawl into bed next to Mali who is all but smothering Bryana. She’s on her stomach, hands and legs splayed out, one arm over Bryana’s chest and one leg over her knees. Bryana is hogging the blankets, angled a way that she’s facing away from me and Mali, blonde hair spread over the pillows like a halo. One dainty arm slung behind Mali’s head, the other clutching at the comforter. The house didn’t feel so lonely now, didn’t feel too quiet. I cover myself with what little blankets my friends have left me, shoving a knee in Mali’s back.

Now if Mali could just stop snoring.

*

 

“Jade! Aunt Yvonne!” I squeal, running towards my family. They had finally flown in from Phoenix, a day I had been waiting for since they had said they were coming for the wedding. There was also another cousin of mine and his plus one, straggling behind them.

“Jessie!” Jade yells, handing her baby brother off to my Uncle. She comes barreling towards me, shoving bystanders out of the way. She stumbles into me, hugging me tightly. I hug back just as hard, smoothing down her long hair. She’s sixteen now, reaching my shoulders and with big green eyes. Nothing like the little brat that had upstaged my meeting with Michael and Calum nearly four years ago.

“Look at you, so big,” I say failing at not trying to sound like a mother hen. She ducks her head, moving the darks locks out of her face.

“Yeah well there has to be one good looking member in the family,” She quips as the rest of them make their way over to us. My aunt and uncle, and my three nephews. I smack Jade’s arm lightly, taking my newest nephew in my arms.

“How old is he now?” I say, glancing over at my aunt. He has her green eyes and tan skin.

“Just turned one back in May,” She says giving me a hug. “Where’s Luke?” She looks around, trying to find my fiancée.

“Really mom? You know they’re on tour,” Jade butts in, bouncing on the balls of her toes. She was still a big fan.

I laugh, motioning for my family to follow. “He doesn’t fly in for a few more days. It’s a little close but it gives the band three weeks off.”

“I was going to say,” My aunt mutters. “Your parents send their apologizes, of course, they said there was just too much work going on.”

I let out a bitter laugh as we stop by the luggage claim. “Sure, of course they wouldn’t want to see their only daughter’s marriage because of work. Not because they hate that I got back with Luke.” I let my family claim their luggage trying not to stew in bad thoughts.

“Have you tried talking to them?” my aunt arches a brow at me, stare unwavering.

“I sent them an invitation and plane tickets,” I mumble holding my nephew closer to me. My aunt just sighs already walking towards the exit. I lead them to the car still sulking. Jade gasps tugging on my sweater.

“When did you get a new car?”

“Same time we bought the house,” I say sheepishly.

“You bought a house?!” My aunt asks slightly panicked. “Why didn’t you tell us this?” She climbs into the sleek black Rover, picking at the white leather interior.

“Surprise?” I laugh at their faces moving to get into the driver seat. Once they saw the house they were never going to leave Sydney. I didn’t think Jade would want to leave the car at the moment.

 

 

“This is fancy,” Jade grumbles stepping into the bridal shop. She had been saying that since she had stepped into my house. From the way the tiles looked to how big her bed was, ‘this was fancy’ was her go to response. Even the bathroom soap had garnered the response.  

“I know, now hush. You need to try on your dress,” I say cringing at how the saleslady’s heels clacked on the floor. Clack, clack, clack. She sounded like a horse.

“I curse the day you made me a bridesmaid,” She elbows my side before pulling her hair up. “Who’s the flower girl anyways?”

“One of Luke’s nieces, she’s like four.” I say as we come to a stop. The lady pulling out my wedding dress and Jade’s bridesmaid dress. I had chosen her namesake as the color for the wedding, ivory and jade. It made for a good combination.

“Here you two ladies go,” The saleswoman says smiling cheekily. “If you need any help let me know.” I roll my eyes, she was only being nice because of Luke. The first time I had come in here with Bryana she had ignored me. I hated that the dresses I loved were carried here only. It took Luke and me showing up the second time for her to be nice.

I wait on the little sofa for Jade to come out first, my head spinning with last minute details and errands I needed to take care off. At least Luke came in two days. The door opens and jade comes out, daintily holding the long skirt. The bridesmaid dresses are almost the same; dark green, silky strap dresses. Only the backs and Mali’s dress are different. Jade’s is a plain with a low back, Bryana has a crisscrossed straps, Mali’s is backless with an ivory lace halter strap with little beads sewn onto the neckline. “How do I look?” Jade asks, giving a small twirl.

“You look great,” I answer honestly, standing up to inspect the dress. It fits her well, with her hair up and heels she would be stunning.

“Now try on yours!” Jade says shoving me towards the dressing room. I go willingly, fingering the dress that gently hangs on the door. I slip out of my clothes and into the dress with minimal trouble, until I get to the zipper.

“Jade can you zip me in,” I call, opening the door. Jade comes in already dressed back in her jeans and sweater. She moves my hand out of the way, letting me press the rest of the dress against my chest.

“It’s zipped all the way Jess,” She says confused. I tumble outside, tripping on excess fabric. I face the mirrors and move my arms out of the way. The dress slips, bunching up around my waist. I pull it back up quickly, turning to my side, the back of the dress sits too low on my hips the skirt tangling with my feet.

“Get the lady, please.”

 

“Well it seems from the date of your last fitting till now, you have lost… what is it? Two inches off your waist and chest, and three inches from your hips.” The lady says bluntly, looking at the sheet in her hands. I look at myself in the mirror again, my dream dress hanging off me terribly. I must’ve worked out too much. Especially when I got stressed out.

“Can it be taken in?” I ask in a small voice, the bow that was supposed to sit on the small of my back resting on my ass.

“Sure, we could have it ready in a month,” the lady starts writing, pulling out a tape measure.

“No, I need it by next week. Not in a month,” I groan, pushing jade’s hands off of me when she reaches for me. “You can’t have it ready by then?”

“Miss, this dress comes from Paris,” the lady begins placing her hands on her hips. “We would need to send it to Paris, have it altered there, and have it flown back. That takes some time.” I deflate, staring at myself again.

“Can you bring out the second dress please?” The lady nods once, disappearing for a moment before coming out with a much simpler wedding dress.

“You have another dress?” Jade whispers unzipping the first one.

“Yeah, but don’t tell your mom,” I say stepping out of the first dress. “She would flip, it was another surprise. I was going to wear that one for the dance, this one for the ceremony. Guess not anymore.” I take the second dress off the hanger and slip it on. It was plain ivory, with beaded designs on the shoulder and a straight skirt that loosened into a small train. It was more modern and elegant then my romantic style lace and tulle first dress.

I step back out to the mirror, Jade’s jaw slack. “What?” I snap running my hands down my body, it had fit tighter before now it fit just right, sticking to the right places.

“You look beautiful Jessie, this is the one. Not that tulle mess,” Jade points to the other dress hanging limply on the racks. “I like this one better.”

I stare at my reflection again, twisting this way and that. It was tighter than what I was too, but I had to admit it looked good. I wasn’t that girl anymore who wore bunched up in over size sweaters and leggings, who wore sneakers everywhere. Who draped Luke’s flannels like they were accessories, even he was growing out of those. I turn around slowly, I could work this modern look. “Me too, I like it better.”

*

My family had fallen asleep long ago, leaving me alone to work quietly in the kitchen. No matter that I had an actual office upstairs, I preferred the kitchen that felt more roomy and comfortable. I rub my eyes, slipping off my flats. In the past three days I had developed a new wardrobe, buying basically a new closet. I still had the flannels, I just had more fitted tops and non-ripped skinny jeans. Flats and ankle boots had replaced the vans and sneakers, and I had actually bought a purse. I kick out my worn bag on the floor, smiling at it. Poor thing, getting replaced by a plain black leather one.

I give up on work turning off the lights and going around my house doing my nightly check list. Windows closed, curtains pulled, back door lock, front door lock.

I’m climbing up the stairs when the front door shakes, the lock turning. I turn around already digging out my phone. The door opens, black and red luggage toppling in. Next comes a backpack and carry on. I walk down the stairs quietly, trying not to laugh at the muffled cursing. Finally a guitar case come through, long legs following.

“Luke!” I shriek, throwing myself at him. He reacts in time, catching me by my waist. Wrapping my legs around him I fumble to kiss him, placing sloppy kisses on his cheeks.

“Jess! Why are you up? I was going to surprise you,” He murmurs, placing me back down.  

“Working.” He looks like he might say something but he shakes his head, pulling me in for a proper kiss. “Welcome home.” I whisper, stroking his cheek.

“Glad to be back,” He says. “Let’s go to bed?” I nod and pull away completely, leaving the suitcases thrown around the hall. He reaches for my hand, leading up the stairs. I would sleep comfortably for the first time in three months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who reads this, leaves kudos, etc. thank you!  
> find me on tumblr : 75-jetblckheart.tumblr.com


	5. Champagne Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's quiet in the morning.

I watch Luke strip down, toned muscles flexing as he steps into the tub. “You’re not supposed to see the bride on her wedding day.” I giggle leaning against him.

“Couldn’t resist seeing my beautiful bride before I head to the beach house,” He sighs, pulling me to his chest. Water drips, breaking the silence of the day. I relax into his touch even more letting him rub my back. “How did this happen?”

“Hmm?” I lift my head a bit, sipping champagne.

“My life,” Luke say plainly. He smiles down at me, using a bubble covered hand to move my hair. “How did I end up here? Marrying the love of my life, surrounded by my best friends and family?” He touches my bottom lip softly, bending down for a kiss. I laugh when we part, tracing his collarbones down the planes of his chest.

“You knocked me down,” I tease, rubbing his belly. “Remember that?” Luke nods, eyes twinkling at the memory. We soak in silence after that, the water gradually becoming cooler. We finish the champagne, using the jars to scoop up water to pour over our heads.

“You and I remember that night very differently,” Luke snorts, placing bubbles on my head.

“You’re not the one who ended up with rum and mustard on their clothes,” I stab at his chest, giggling when he pulls me in front of him, bringing me close to his chest.  

I sit between Luke’s legs, letting him work shampoo into my hair. “So your Aunt last night—“

“Shh, I don’t want to talk about how our families keep trying to one up each other,” I murmur, running my fingers over his thighs. “It’s just us right now.”

“Okay.” I feel the water fall over my head, stripping off the shampoo. Luke kisses my shoulder wrapping his arms around my chest. “Just us.” I push bubbles closer to me, trying to work out a design. I give up and cover my chest and Luke’s arms in bubbles. He laughs pushing the bubbles away, leaving me exposed. It’s never uncomfortable with him, though, just natural.

 

The light comes in stronger, rays falling over our bodies and letting our skin glow.  The water is cool but we don’t make to move. It’s the quiet before the storm, if we step out of this room the day begins. Our wedding day. If I stepped outside the quiet comfort of the bathroom, I would be met yelling and tears. Met with cheers and happiness, it scared me and excited me. I kiss Luke’s fingers, winding my own with his. I wouldn’t ask for anything else but that.  

 

“I promise,” Luke says softly, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. “To always be there for you Jessie. I won’t ever abandon you, I swear Jess.  I promise that you won’t regret marrying me.” He whispers the last part lowly, hitting every fiber in my body. “From here on out it’s us, we’ll reach our dreams together. You are the only one for me.”

“I promise to always love you.”


	6. Wedded Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you mix red shoes, a puppy, a weird cake, and estranged family members together? You get a wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might need to change the rating on this story too.... hmmm and add some new tags.... enjoy!

“Luke what are you doing in here? Shoo,” My aunt complains, giving a pointed look at Luke. She points to the door, raising a brow.

Luke groans loudly, getting up from our bed. He plants a kiss on my forehead before walking out. I laugh softly at his grumbles, muttering about it’s his room too.  I shake my head at my aunt, damp hair sticking to my cheeks. I sit up, watching my aunt walk into the room. “Why’d you send him away?”

My aunt shakes her head at me, handing me a cup of coffee. “Grooms not supposed to see the bride on her wedding day.”

“We decided that was a dumb rule,” I tease, taking the cup. My aunt sits next to me, moving my damp hair off my face.

“We got you a present,” she says, “We kind of want to give it to you now.”

“We?”

“Jade and I.”

“Okay,” I say suspiciously, sitting up straighter.

“Jade, bring Jessie her gift,” my aunt calls.

A minute later Jade walks in holding a tiny ball of fur in her arms, a big red bow tied around it’s neck. As she comes closer a nose appears, then small ears. “You got me a puppy?” I squeal, reaching for the thing. Jade hands the puppy over, a black and grey wisp of a dog with floppy ears and soft fur.

“Unexpectedly,” Jade admits, running a finger down its back. “We found him going to the store and didn’t know what to do. I texted Calum and he helped us take him to the vet and see if he belonged to anyone.”

“And he didn’t, so we decided to give him to you. A little house warming gift,” My aunt adds, “I think the vet said he was only two months.”

I stare at the tiny animal in my lap, the puppy crawling over me searching for anything. I pick her up and bring her to my eye level, she blinks sleepily back at me, sneezing in my face followed by yawning.  Jade laughs taking the puppy from me, cradling her like a baby. She starts cooing at it, rocking the puppy back and forth. I roll my eyes, settling back into the pillows. Closing my eyes I take a sip of my coffee, savoring the last few minutes of peace I had left. Jade had come to room every five minutes to announce everyone who arrived since I had gotten out of the bath, there were currently about twenty people more than what should be in my house now. 

 

“Guys come on,” Mali bursts into my room, holding a curling iron to her hair. Her hair itself is in rollers, a stray blonde lock curling over her eye. She’s in a white fluffy robe, looking more the stressed bride then I probably did. “The makeup artist are here! Jessie why are you still in bed?”

“What time is it?” I ask, when did Mali get here? She was the last one to arrive, she should be ready too.  

“Time for you to get ready, the photographer will be any minute,” She says excitedly, running into my bathroom. “Were you drinking champagne?” She comes back out, holding the mason glasses up.

I avoid my aunt’s stare, picking up the puppy, “I think I will name you Mops since your hair is so shaggy.” I say loudly walking into the bathroom. The puppy squirms in my arms as I hold her close to my chest, I put her down at my feet as I sit, watching her wobble around until she curls up between them.

I turn to Mali who’s already heating up curling irons and pulling out my makeup. “You could’ve just gotten anyone to do your makeup sweetheart, why me?” She coos when she see Mops at my feet, promptly picking her up and nuzzling her with her own nose.  

“I don’t need a glam squad to look good,” I state staring myself down in front of the mirror. I pull my hair out of its braid, running a comb through it. It’s still damp, the curls won’t hold.

“No but it would be less stressful, let me,” Mali moves my hands away grabbing the comb. She picks up a curling iron and gets to work on my hair.

*

“Mali, Jessie are you guys ready?” Calum calls walking into the bathroom. I snap my head up making Mali burn the back of my neck. I cringe, moving forward and away from the iron.

“Shit,” she whispers, pinning up the curls. “Calum what the hell?”

“You guys aren’t ready? What’s taking so long everyone’s here already,” I look at Calum dressed in suit with a jade colored tie. He pushes his long bangs out of his face, swooping the curls back. Mali shakes her head pointing the curling iron in his direction.

“We tripped at the finish line, everything was going fine until Jess’s curls fell.” I shrug, picking at one of the braids in my hair. The curls didn’t hold like I’d assumed, so we had to blow dry it out and start over. Then my eyelashes wouldn’t glue properly, so we took an hour off to play with Mops. Calum didn’t need to know that.

“No worries Cal this is it, I just need to put on my dress and shoes. Is everyone else ready?’ I let Mali finish pining up my hair, a few stray curls framing my face. She gives me thumbs up, gathering up her things.

“There’s actually someone that wants to see you,” Calum says slowly waving towards my room. “I don’t know if you want to see them.”

“Who is it?” I say standing, all I had to do now was put on my dress. This day was going by too fast for me. It felt like mere seconds ago I was in the tub drinking champagne with Luke now I was mere minutes away from walking down the aisle.

“See for yourself,” Calum quips his lips forming a half smile, Mali and I roll our eyes at each other. She goes over and grabs my dress shooing Calum back into my room.

“Let’s get your dress on Jess,” She says shoving away her own blonde curls from her face. I feel tears sting my eyes as she helps zip up the dress for me. This was it, I was about to be married to the love of my life. The only person I could imagine being with.

I smooth the dress out, letting Mali go so she can change into her dress. Luke and I may have had a rocky start, but he was my constant and biggest supporter. I supported him back just as fiercely and I knew this was the right thing. When he had proposed out of the blue in bed I had been too giddy to say anything for several minutes. I had had to reassure him after slipping the ring on that I was dead serious, that I did want to marry him. I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life without him

I let out a laugh, slipping on my jewelry. Pale aquamarines mingles with pearls. That was my something blue, the new was the dress, I had borrowed Bryana’s hair piece a silver comb studded with crystals. It rested in the middle of my head, caught between two braids and curls. I just didn’t have a something old.

I walk out the bathroom careful not to get the lace train caught in anything. I gather the skirt in my arms, looking for my shoes. “Well you look beautiful.”

I look up, gasping. “Dad!” I run towards the man sitting on my bed. My dad barely stands before I’m throwing my arms around him, shaking. “What? How did you get here?”

He laughs, stepping away from me. I catch him wipe his eyes making me tear up again. I blink back the tears because I will not ruin Mali’s hard work. “I couldn’t miss my daughter’s wedding now could I?” He twirls me around, the dress winding around my legs.

“I thought you disowned me,” I whisper sitting on the bed. My father sits next to me grabbing a box from the floor.

“Never, your mother may still be acting over dramatic but I knew I couldn’t miss tonight. I exchanged the tickets you sent us and came,” he lets out a deep breath his greying beard more white now then pepper. How long had it been since I had seen my parents? “Here, I figured you needed something old.”

I take the flat box tearing off the bow hurriedly. Inside, nestled between tissue paper is a veil. It’s off white lace studded with pearls, I pick up the veil carefully unraveling it. “How did you know I needed something old?”

“Lucky guess, it’s your grandmother’s from Spain,” my father shrugs, helping me unfold it.  “You should talk to your mother Jessica, you and her might disagree on things but maybe a good chat could smooth things over.”

It’s my turn to shrug as I walk in front of the full length mirror across from me. I pin the veil on me quickly, the lace settling against my head and neck gracefully. “I will, just not today.” I watch my father nod tightly, getting up to leave.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” I hug him tight, reminiscing my childhood. He smooths down the veil, putting me at arm distance. “Won’t miss walking my only daughter down the aisle.” I nod, too choked up for words. If I try to speak I’ll probably never stop crying. My father leaves, shutting the door quietly behind him.

I sit carefully back on my bed, taking deep breaths. I was nervous. So far everything was going good, too good. The timing was great, my dad was here, everyone was ready. I let out another breath steeling my nerves. They were all waiting for me now. I just needed to put on my shoes.

I looks around for the box holding my shoes when Bryana walks into my room, green dress swirling and blonde hair half up and curled. “Everything okay? The limos are here.” When I don’t answer she perches carefully on my bed, gripping the comforter. “You’re not rethinking this are you?”

I let out a laugh, walking into my closet, “Of course not Bry, I just can’t find my shoes.” I move Luke’s pile of shoes away, trying to find my own in the mess of our closet. “Go ahead and tell the guys to leave, I’m sure they’re somewhere in this mess.”

“Okay,” Bryana drawls out, and moments later the door shuts again.

With no luck in finding my shoes, I gather up my skirt and dress, sneaking barefoot out my room and into the room Jade and my nephews were staying in. They are all long gone, downstairs or already on their way to the venue as I shift through Jade’s bags and luggage.

I kick her bag out of the way, revealing the pearly white shoebox I know should have been in my room. I sit on the bed carefully, trying not to wrinkle my dress any more than it should be. Gasping I take one shoe out of the box, the ivory pumps are spackled with red. Up and down the shoe bright streaks of red in varying sizes mar the things. The other shoe is just as bad, even worse.

“Jessie, what are you doing?” I hear Mali call, the stairs creaking just the slightest. “Jessie, what’s going on? We need to – Oh god.” I raise the shoes to Mali, grimacing.

“They weren’t like this in the morning,” I say quietly, slipping the shoes back into the box. I put the lid on them and set them next to me. “Everything was going so well too. My nephews must have gotten them. They had been awfully quiet.” Mali sits next to me, letting out a long breath.

“I like the veil,” She whispers moving lace back enough so my eyes show. “We can trade shoes, I’ll wear the ruined ones and you can take the mine.” I glance down at her heels, nude shoes with a red underbelly. I know I should just march into my closet and get the exact same pair Mali is wearing, but something hysterical stops me.

A laugh bubbles out and I’m gasping for air, doubling over as the laughs come out strong. “No, it’s okay Mali. I’ll wear these.”

“What why?” Mali asks a nervous giggle escaping her.

I shrug, “Why not, it’ll make a nice story. No one’s going to see them anyway.” I stand pulling Mali up next to me. As she fixes her dress I slip on the ruined shoes, frowning only a little.

“You finally ready Jess?” Mali smirks up at me, fixing the neckline of my dress, the beads catching the light that streams weakly into the room. I nod and follow Mali out of the room bunching the silk and lace in my hands.

 

 

“What’s up with your shoes?” Jade whispers to me as we walk into the venue, a fancy garden clubhouse place. There’s security everywhere, keeping guest that claim they’re on the list form entering. I keep my head low, wondering how these people knew when Luke and I’s wedding was going on. We hadn’t told anyone that wasn’t invited, but I couldn’t focus on that right now.

I have two guards in front of me and behind me as we enter the building, Jade and Mali next to me as the rest of the people that arrived with me scurry around. “Could ask you the same thing, they were in your room.”

Jade ducks her head, picking at a non-existent piece of lint, “Sorry about that. I wanted to try them on, then Mom called and I left the boys in the room,” she sighs, raking a hand through her hair. The curls stick up, and a bobby falls. “I meant to tell you, but then we got busy and we gave you the puppy.”

I place a hand on her shoulder as we step back outside, heading to the little private garden area our ceremony was going to be held at. “It’s ok, no one else has noticed. I actually think they look cool like that.” I didn’t, but this wedding didn’t need more drama than what had already happened. I grimace thinking back on the shouting match Liz and my aunt had in the limo.

I stop a few feet away from the entrance, white cloth hung up to hide the wedding party. In my heart I know Luke is there at the altar, probably switching his weight from foot to foot. I can see the guest in their seats, a lot of family and friends. I smile to myself at the thought that my friends must be in awe at all the musicians, actors, and models sitting among them.

Calum waves at me before Mali is hugging him, straightening his tie and fixing his hair. Michael gives me a thumbs up as everyone lines up. Jade making her way over to him and Bryana fondly fixing Ashton’s much shorter hair. I take a deep breath in as my aunt and dad get my nephews and Luke’s niece in line, handing her a basket of pink and white faux rose petals. I try to steady my heartbeat, nervous that I’ll trip, or Luke might change his mind, or I might change my mind.

 

 

My aunt fixes my veil moments before the music starts. She hands me my bouquet of white roses and lavender sprigs, “Are you sure about this?”

I take the flowers giving her a look, “Sure of what? Of course I am.”

“You’re just so young,” My aunt whispers. “Only twenty-four.” She fixes my veil, giving a small smile.

“I know what I’m doing,” I whisper back harshly as the music begins. “We both do.”

“Okay,” my aunt relents, straightening my skirt. “I wish you happiness my girl.” She ducks out of line, staying in the shadows as to not ruin the procession. Mali turns around flashing me a grin. She’s right in front of me, the best man and maid of honor. I watch Michael and Jade take off, only a few more seconds until I was trading vows with Luke.

“It’s your day, don’t let anyone ruin it,” she whips her head around, blonde curls bouncing. I take a deep breath and look down at my red splattered shoes. Yeah, well things couldn’t really get worse form here. She and Calum take off, and I wrap my arm around my dad’s.

“You may be young sweetheart,” my dad murmurs as we take a step forward, the music changing into the wedding march. “But I believe you know what you’re doing, and I am happy for you.” I don’t have time to respond, we are walking out into the aisle the rose petals bunched up in the middle. I decide now is the best time to let out a few tears. Happy tears.

I barely register the people around me as I walk down the aisle, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. My eyes lock on Luke, and I have tunnel vision. I only see him, standing with his eyes on me, smiling a cheesy grin I know we’ll laugh about later. He’s shuffling side to side, fixing his coat every few seconds. He looks like he wants to dart towards me, I pick up my pace. I can hear my dad laugh softly, so I slow down the tiniest bit biting my lip to keep from doing something comical.

A few steps away Luke walks towards us, giving my dad a quick nod. My dad nods back whispering, “Take care of her over here.” He presses my hand to his cheek before handing me over to Luke who presses his lips against my fingertips softly. I feel the tears run down my face forever grateful that Mali insisted I wear waterproof makeup.

I can see the tears in Luke eyes glittering as he looks at me. “You’re stunning you know that?’ He whispers as we walk near the altar. I grip his arm tighter, squeezing slightly.

“Likewise babe,” I murmur, fixing a stray strand of hair that’s made its way over Luke’s eyes. We move apart clasping our hands together.

I stare into his eyes knowing I made the right decision to run out of that bar all those years ago to offer up a second chance.

“Dearly beloveds, we are gathered here today…”

*

 

“Just cut the cake already!” Ashton yells, waving his glass at Luke and I. We laugh staring at the cake in front of us. It’s another fluke, or a joke well played. The cake in front of us isn’t a three tiered, red velvet, white icing with our initials on top wedding cake. Instead a three tiered red and black cake, decorated with black jewels, and congratulations stands in front of us.

I had almost had a fit when I saw the cake for the first time, but I figured red must have been an ongoing theme for my wedding, first my shoes and now my cake. After hashing it out with Luke we decided just to keep the cake, whoever ordered this one was probably already enjoying ours anyways. Luke had also pointed out I throwing a tantrum, that had made me shut my mouth and walk away flipping him off.

I lift up the knife, letting Luke wrap a hand around the object as well. “Here goes nothing.” I say with sarcasm, cutting into the bottom tier. Luke pulls out the slice, revealing chocolate cake with strawberries and whip cream in the center.

“Oh hey my favorite,” He quips, swiping some off the cake. “Open,” he says seriously and I cautiously open my mouth.

Only to have whip cream spread over my nose and cheek, “Luke!” stick my own fingers into the icing swiping at his cheek and neck. Everyone around us laughs as I nick him, leaving a streak of red. We’re both laughing too as we start cutting slices.

Eventually Luke and I are replaced by the wait staff, letting us mingle with our friends and family. I find my college friends, showing off the diamond wedding band to them. Music plays in the background, I catch Michael and Calum dancing out of the corner of my eye, Mali and Bryana giggling at them both.

“Hey Jessie,” I turn around, met with a girl I vaguely recognize. Her hair is shorter, in a neat bob with thick bangs, dyed black with the tips grey. “Remember me? Ashley.” She’s in a sequined silver dress, a plain black choker around her neck.

“Ashley? You look familiar, but I don’t remember the name,” I hum, hugging her.

“You probably know me by Halsey,” she chirps, snatching a chocolate covered strawberry off a waiter. “You were so starstruck when I introduced myself to you, it was cute.”

I feel my cheeks heat up as I recall the memory of my first celebrity Halloween party, I had been to enough now. “Okay now I remember you, I’m so glad you came. The guys always talk about you so much. You’re their favorite person to write with.”

Ashley laughs, tucking a strand of hair behind her pierced ear. “Yeah, they’re like little brothers to me, I’m glad you and Luke sorted things out, I mean who would’ve guessed…” She trails off looking around the ballroom we were using for the reception and dance. She clears her throat, looking back at me. “I’m so glad you two found happiness, all of you. I could never reach through to them, it seems you did. How?” I giggle, her strong gaze making me look down.

How did I get through to them? Sheer stubbornness? I tell her just that, adding in that it took a lot of screaming and kicking, and eventually me leaving to get through to them. “But the dirty work? The actual picking up the pieces and putting themselves back together?” I pose, taking a sip of water. “That was them, they did that themselves, I didn’t have a hand in it.”

“They were so young, they clung to each other too much” the brunette recalls. “They needed each other, they still do. They’ve just learned where to draw the line.”

As the words leave her mouth Calum places a sloppy kiss on Luke’s cheek, Michael pinching the other side, while Ashton hugs Luke from behind. We both burst out laughing, Mali snapping a photo before it’s too late. “Sometimes, they know where that line is,” I say between laughs, Ashley placing a delicate hand on my shoulder.

“I wish you two the best of luck,” her eyes twinkle as she glances over at the buzzing twenty-somethings we called our friends. “I’ve never seen them this happy. Take care of them when you can, call me when can’t” She kisses my cheek gently, waving her fingers at me. “You look great too Jessie!” with another blink she’s gone, lost with the crowd.

 

 

The dance is almost over when Calum and Halsey take the stage the dj had been occupying. Calum hold his bass, hooking the instrument up as Halsey whispers to the dj, getting a microphone and stand. Her own guitar is slung around her shoulders as she sets up, turning on the mic.

“Well before the night ends,” she speaks into the mic, and I feel Luke come up next me sliding a hand around my waist. “Cal and I here wanted to surprise Luke and Jessie with one more song and dance before they are whisked away from us for the night. “

Luke and I share a glance before heading towards the dance floor, our guest backing up to their seats or the edge. “Is this another prank?”

“I don’t think so,” Luke says quietly as we reach the center, Calum lifts a brow at us grinning before he plays a chord.

“So here’s to the newlyweds tonight, congratulations Luke and Jessie,” Ashley says into the microphone and soon a melody accompanies Calum’s bass.

Luke slides one hand around my waist, the other reaching for my hand. He pulls me close, and I relax swaying. “Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” I hear Calum sing, low and smooth as we start dancing.

 

It feels like the longest dance of my life as we twirl and spin, trying our best to waltz without tripping or stepping on our toes. I couldn’t be anymore happier, as I look at Luke. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Luke whisper back, spinning me under his arm.

Calum and Ashley’s serenade ends, the last chords from both bass and guitar fading slowly. We stop, staring around the room, surrounded with the people we care about the most. I tilt my face up, meeting Luke in a kiss that spreads fire up and down my body. I feel his hand rest against my neck, the chants and leers from the crowd a distant noise.

 

Forever started that night.

*

“Luke,” I squeal, punching lightly at his back. “Put me down.” He sets me down, flicking on the rooms lights. The penthouse suite becomes bathed in light, illuminating the open floor plan. The living area connects with the bedroom, a sheer curtain separating the bathroom from the rest.

Gold and white tiles are muted as Luke adjusts the dimness and I walk further into the suite. On the coffee table is a bucket filled with champagne and wine bottles and a tray of chocolate covered strawberries. I hurry over to them biting into a berry before Luke even notices what I am doing.

He helps pop open a champagne bottle, kicking off his shoes and loosening his tie. There is no rush tonight, as I kick off my own shoes and we both settle onto the couch, we are familiar with each other’s bodies and we simply do not have the urgency to ravish each other yet. We’re content to sit and chat about our wedding, laughing over the toasts our families made and tearing up at our own parents tears.

“Did you wear red shoes this whole time,” Luke laughs, pointing to the red splattered shoes. I raise a brow at him before nodding.

“Unfortunately I did, it’s a long story I’ll tell in the morning,” I yawn standing. “Help me undo my hair?” Luke stands and starts helping me pick out pins and barrettes, carefully combing through the locks with each braid or curl he untangles. I feel his lips on my neck, an arm winding its way across my chest.

I let him kiss my neck, shoulders, as I finish with my hair. I turn slowly wrapping my own arms around his neck. I meet his lips, his kiss taking my breath with him. It becomes heated all too quickly as he bites at my lower lip, sucking on it for a second. I’m tugging at his hair as his tongue slips into my mouth and I can’t cover the groan that escapes.

I pull away, placing my hand on his chest. “Wait.”

“What?” Luke’s voice has gone deep and rough, making it harder for me to leave his arms.

“I’ll be right back, wait for me on the bed?” I smirk at him, trying my best to walk away with a saunter. I grab a bag off the floor and hurry into the bathroom, even if there’s little to hide with the sheer curtain. I glance around, raking a hand though my hair.

In a snap decision I hide in the shower, taking out the lingerie in the bag. Sometimes Calum did have good ideas and those ideas included buying very pretty corsets and silk pajamas. I carefully step out of my dress, draping it over the shower stall, and strip down. Another minute passes and I find myself folding the dress and leaving it on the counter, turning the shower on.

The shower lasts no more than five minutes before I’m drying off, and rubbing lavender and vanilla oils on my wrists, ankles, and breasts. I stand there naked worrying over what I should wear. “Jessie, hurry up babe.” Luke’s voice makes up my mind and I’m slipping on the black lace and jeweled corset and thong, ignoring the stockings and just slipping on the garters.

I glance at myself in the mirror, surprised at the outcome. I actually look sexy, from the way the corset hugs me, and how my hair looks just messy enough. “Jessie!” Luke chuckles, and I give a little twirl knowing he can see my silhouette before walking out the bathroom.

I can see Luke’s eyes darken as I make my way to the bed, the sheets pulled back and pillows on the floor. I let my gaze wonder over Luke, who has taken off all his clothes except for his underwear. We both gasps as our eyes wonder over each other’s body. No sooner do I climb into the bed is Luke reaching for me capturing my lips in an open mouth kiss. I kiss back heatedly, raking my fingernails down his chest and shoulders. He settles on top of me, on hand roaming down my arms, shoulders, ghosting over my nipples. I arch up towards him, eager for more.

“We have all night,” Luke murmurs, kissing down my throat and clawing at the corsets elaborate straps that criss cross my chest. “Damn this thing Jessie, you look so fucking hot.” He gives up on the straps pulling them low enough to expose my breasts.

“Stop talking,” I grit out letting my hand down the inside of his thigh, purposelessly ignoring the growing hardness. Luke lets out a wrecked sigh, kissing down my belly and back up, finally pressing open mouthed kisses on the swell of my breast, his tongue darting out across my nipple. It makes me moan, melting more into his touch.

He dips his head moving further down my body and stopping to press a kiss on the junction of my inner thigh. I throw my other leg over his shoulder, holding him there. I grin when he looks up at me, lust clouding over his face. He drags down the thong and garters in one quick move, leaving rough kisses.  I let him bring me over the edge, his mouth and tongue knowing where to kiss and lick making me come with his name on my lips.

My breaths come out ragged as I come down from my high, Luke sucking a mark into my hip bone. I grab at his hair, tugging him up and meeting him for a kiss. He groans into me, pressing his cock into my hips. I feel relaxed, content to just press lazy kisses to my husband. Making out slowly, out tongues tracing each other’s lips. “I love you,” I whisper against his neck, biting my own mark there. He shivers pressing my closer to him.

“I love you too.”

I run a finger nail down his side, sending him shivering as I hook a finger around the waistband of his boxers, tugging them down. “My turn,” I murmur, pushing Luke back into the bed. He goes readily as I straddle him kissing his chest and folding his hands behind his head. “Stay like that,” I order roughly, sliding down his body.

I stroke him, making him gasp and moan. It’s a sight as I take him in my mouth, swirling my tongue around his head. When he comes close is when I relent, sitting back on my heels. I fumble around finally finding the condom, watching his face as I slide it on.

I position myself, nodding at him. His hands find my hips quickly, just as I lower myself down, reaching for his lips one more time. He bucks his hips up, both of us moaning. I grip at his shoulder, letting him fill me. “You okay?” He says softly, tracing my cheek. I nod, shifting, biting my lip.

I stay still for another moment, watching Luke become restless before picking up a slow rhythm. He clutches at my hips, fingertips pressing into my skin hard. He brings his knees up, letting myself find a better angle as I pick up my pace. I scratch at Luke’s chest when I see stars, and he’s there rubbing circles into my hips and thighs bucking up to meet me. I feel a wave of pleasure start to build in me. “I’m close,” I gasp out, hitting that sweet spot again.

“Me too, god,” Luke mutters curses, bringing me close to him. “So close.”

My rhythm staggers, becoming sloppy as the pool of heat moves to the base of my belly. Luke reaches up, pressing a kiss to the base of my throat. I come when he presses a finger at the place we’re joined, going languid against him with a cry. I feel him still, thrusting into me once before he comes with my name on his lips. I smile against his lips, too drained to do anything else.

 

I curl against him after he has come back to bed, resting my head on his chest. He rubs circles on my back. I leave the corset on, too tired to struggle with it. With sleep threatening to overcome me I press another kiss to his shoulder. “I promise to always love you.”

*

We don’t get farther than the foot of the bed for first full day we’re there. Only once does Luke dash out into the living room the following morning to bring the bucket of alcohol and berries closer to us. I laugh madly at the sight of him, naked running around the suite to gather things we might need. We survive off strawberries until dinner, when we finally order room service.

The next day we discover that we have whirlpool tub, and spend most of the afternoon finding out different way to use the jets and massagers to our advantage. We learn new things about each other. I find that he likes having his hands tied with a scarf sometimes, that he likes it when I wear the lingerie I bought but hates fumbling with the corsets, and that he had a bit of a pain kink. I had laughed when he moaned loudly after biting him a bit too hard, but had filed that information away to use later. I find that I liked things on the rougher side.  

On our last day at the hotel, I finally make use of the rose colored silk tank and shorts and actually turned on the t.v while Luke showered, cleaning off the mess we had both made. I giggled as I channel flipped hoping the maid wouldn’t be too angry about cleaning whip cream and other things off sheets. I felt giddy for some reason and I know it wasn’t the champagne, we had finished that long ago.

“What are you laughing about darling?” Luke teases, flopping onto the couch next to me. He drags me towards him and I settle between his legs, laughing.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, there wasn’t one single thing I could pinpoint this giddiness too. “Maybe I’m just happy at being a newlywed.”

“That’s a good reason,” Luke says, kissing my shoulder. “I know that’s why I’m happy.” I face him, pushing blonde hair out of his eyes. I kiss him gently, leaving kisses on his cheeks, nose, and lips.

“You know what else makes me happy?” I ask, lowering my voice.

“What?” Luke’s voice grows huskier, his hands already sliding down to my hips.

“Having you underneath me,” I nip at his ears, feeling Luke shake with quiet laughs. A second later I’m wrapped around his waist as he carries me towards the bed.

“There’s a few positions I like seeing you in too,” He says roughly, tossing me onto the bed. I crook a finger towards him, moving backwards.

“So show me.”

 

*

A week later finds us all at the beach house. Calum and I are cooking while Bryana struggles to open the cake she bought. I laugh watching Ashton scoot her over and pop open the lid, handing Bryana the cake.

She pouts, putting her hands on her hips. “I had it, you didn’t need to do that.”

“Yeah, he kind of had to,” Calum quips, letting me taste the sauce he was making. I give him the thumbs up, patting his shoulder before I dump the chicken into the sauce.

“Now just stir it for a little bit and let it simmer,” I say softly turning to start the pasta. I loved it when we all gathered around for dinner like this. Only Mali was missing, but like most of our wedding guests they had left a day or two after the wedding. My aunt and Jade stayed until Luke and I had come back, handing me off their wedding gift and Mops.

Said puppy was now sniffing around my legs, wagging her tail. “You just had to give me a puppy,” I laugh softly watching the little ball of fur collide with Calum’s legs.

Calm grins, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Of course, you need the company when we’re not around.” He stares down at the puppy scooting it gently towards Ashton with a socked foot. “She’s cute.”

“I know,” I say fondly watching Ashton pick her up, cradling Mops in his arms. “Hey, happy anniversary.”

“Thank you,” Calum smiles at me, glancing over to where Luke and Michael were playing video games. “Two full years of marriage with him. You ready for that?” He smirks at me, turning off the stove.

I hold up my left hand, showing off the two bands around my finger. “Already happened, _mate_.” I emphasize, sending Calum into a fit of giggles.

“What’s going on over there? Don’t be seducing my husband Jessie,” Michael yells, cocking his head towards us. Ashton laughs, pulling Bryana into his lap as he sits on the couch.

“Nothing you just should’ve heard Jessie,” Calum sucks a breath in trying to gather his wit. “She put on this dorkiest Australian accent.” The boys laugh around me, imaging the way I probably sounding. I laugh too, waving a hand at Calum

“Nothing beats your Spanish accent though,” I say loudly, reaching into the cabinets. Everyone laughs hard again, Calum just glowering at me with a pout. “Get the drinks.” He rolls his eyes but walks over to the fridge getting soda cans and bottles of water.

On his way back he stops in front of Michael, pulling the blonde up into a messy kiss. I shake my head as I walk past them, setting the table. On my way back their still at, Calum straddling Michael on the beanbag he had been sitting in. I look at Ashton and Bryana who just shrug taking the food to the table.

“Babe c’mere,” Luke says grabbing at me. What the hell? I join him, sloppily kissing him on the mouth. He smiles against my lips before continuing.

“Really is there no sacred ground in this house?” Ashton asks, sounding exasperated. I hear Bryana giggle, muttering something to him.

“No, they’re acting like a bunch of teenagers!” Luke pulls away from me laughing, I scoot over laughing at Calum and Michael still making out. Yeah, they were the teenagers.

“Ash your twenty five, not ninety,” Luke quips helping me up. He nudges Michael and Calum with his foot, earning a yelp form both guys. “We’re not at some basement party, get a room or come and eat.” The three boys grumble, heading out onto the deck.

We settle into our seats, scooping out food when Bryana walks behind Ashton sliding her arms around his shoulders. With a slender finger she tilts his head up, kissing him passionately. We all coo and cheer as Ashton deepens the kiss, flipping us off with his free hand.

When they part Ashton smiles at us, opening his can of soda. “You’re right, I’m twenty five not ninety.” We all laugh loudly for a minute before settling into our chairs and eating,

“Almost forgot,” Ashton says raising his can. “Cheers to the newlyweds.” I clasp Luke’s hand as he smiles at me, everyone else saying cheers. “And cheers to Calum and Michael on their second anniversary.” This time I clap for my friends, Calum leaning over to peck at Michael’s lip.

Luke stares at Ashton and Bryana waiting for the noise to die down. “And you two?” they both shrug gracefully staring at each other.

Luke rolls his eyes, tilting his water bottle at them “Cheers to Ashton and Bryana, a very cute couple.” We all clap, Bryana’s cheeks coloring slightly.

I smile against my fork. Cheers to us all for finding happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's curious as to what the wedding dress and bridesmaid dress look like, these were the inspirations:  
> www.pinterest.com/pin/596867756834430763/  
> www.pinterest.com/pin/596867756834430610/


	7. The Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> November. Jessie visits her home after being nearly four years away from Dallas. Can she make amends with her mother? Michael visits Luke and Jessie bearing bad news that could change everything.

**November**

I found myself sitting on top of a suitcase on a November morning watching Luke struggle to zip the luggage up. The band had a week off and coincidentally it happened to be during Thanksgiving. Coincidentally my father also called to see if I would visit for Thanksgiving around the same time Luke landed in Sydney. I had a feeling my father knew the tour schedule more than I did.

Luke was quick to agree on the trip, citing the fact that he’d still need to be in the U.S anyways as leverage. I had hesitated, I didn’t know if my mother would be welcoming or if my dad hadn’t bothered to tell her and this was all going to go down like a bad reality show. Also I didn’t feel like putting on a show for my dad’s side of the family, that side of my family being filled with too many lawyers, doctors, and PhDs than I could count. I was proud of my life and what I had accomplished, I just wasn’t up to saying that to each and every one of my family members.

“There, all zipped, finally,” Luke looks up at me the smile on his face turning quickly into a look of concern. “Hey, what you thinking about?”

“My snobbish family,” I answer truthfully, hoping off the suitcase. “I’m the youngest on my dad’s side, they like to pick apart my life choices until I snap.” I wrap my arms around myself, biting down on my lip.

“Then they don’t see how successful you are” Luke says gently, picking up the suitcase to move downstairs. Mops follows him, wagging her tail excitedly. I follow, scooping the puppy up into my arms.

“Well they have a few words they like to call our relationship and career choices,” I say, walking into the kitchen. “Just a warning before you try to play nice and they tear you apart.” Putting Mops down I start raiding the kitchen, trying to find a snack. I feel, rather than see, Luke walk into the kitchen.

“I really don’t care what they have to say Jessie, I’ve probably won more awards than any of them put together.” I get out two peaches, tossing one towards my husband.

“Your band has probably won more awards,” I correct, turning to face him. “I’m just warning you, so can be prepared when they say a high school dropout and a bartender have no business carving the turkey.”

Luke sticks out his tongue at me, biting into the peach. I smile, tracing his jaw and lips. He leans into the touch, closing his eyes. “You should shave that beard,” I mutter gently, tracing over a bit of scar tissue on his lip, “I miss the piercing.”

“Not shaving the beard,” Luke grumbles, kissing my cheek, “I like _your_ piercings.” He says fondly, flicking at my eyebrow piercing and industrial. The nose ring had come off a while back and I regretted not getting it redone.

“Trim it at least,” I pinch his cheek before kissing him lightly, “Can’t believe you took off the lip ring.”

“It was time for it to come off, I had it since I was like sixteen,” Luke argues following me out of the kitchen, I settle on couch nibbling still at the peach.

“You’re twenty three not thirty,” I mock turning on the t.v. Luke drops his head on my lap, wrapping an arm around my legs.

“Whatever, the piercings closed anyways,” Luke mutters, taking the remote away from me and switching to Netflix. I relent and continue eating my fruit.

 

We’re halfway through a movie when Luke sits up, startling Mops into rolling off the couch. I let out a laugh, raising a brow at Luke. “Did they really call me a high school dropout?”

I start laughing hard, clutching at my stomach, “Wow that took a while, yes they did and that was on the nicer side.”

“Your family’s cruel Jess,” Luke mumbles settling back on my lap, I scratch at his shoulders rubbing the tense muscles how he likes. I stay quiet, unpausing the movie and pressing a kiss to his temple. I didn’t know what to expect this time around, I hadn’t been in Dallas since I packed everything up to move to Sydney.  I groaned mentally, I just wasn’t prepared for this confrontation.

 

 

 

 

Sometime around the evening Michael shows up. I open the door expecting a hyper, filled with joy Michael. The person standing in front of me has dark circles under his blood shot eyes and is toying with a loose string on his oversized hoodie. I all but drag him inside and herd him to the kitchen. I can smell smoke on him and worry even more.

“Michael are you okay?” I ask warily, looking at the liquor cabinet and the jar filled with different teas. Michael shakes his head, laying against the cool of the marble counter. “You want tea?” I ask quietly, I hadn’t seen him in such bad shape. Even before the band took it’s hiatus, when Calum and Luke were fighting Michael hadn’t looked so worn out.

Michael nods, wiping at his eyes quickly. I knew him and Calum had been having a rough couple of months, I didn’t know what to do. I go around the kitchen quietly, humming a song Luke had been humming these past couple of days. I put on a kettle of water, taking out the tea I knew was Michael’s favorite. On impulse I also take down the bottle of rum he had given me for my birthday, for later I remind myself.

“That’s the new song Luke’s writing,” Michael breaks the silence, and my quiet humming, tapping out a beat on the counter. “I’ve been helping write the melody.” I smile at him, when I had told Luke I loved the song he said I should thank Michael, he gave it life. I tell him that, earning a smile from him.

“Are there any lyrics to it?” I ask as the kettle goes off, a piercing squeal making Mops bark madly. I shush her, taking the kettle off the stove.

 Michael yawns, shaking his head. He rests back down on the counter, closing his eyes. I nod slowly, pouring the hot water into mugs.

“What was that noise?” Luke comes into the kitchen in just sweatpants, scratching at his head. Michael and I laugh at his sleepy appearance and I point to kettle while dumping a sugar cube into my tea.

“Were you asleep?” Michael asks shyly, letting out another yawn. I hand him his tea, leaning into Luke’s side. I don’t know when they guys drew imaginary boundaries, but they’re there and now when anyone wants to visit they call first and vice versa, it brings more privacy, but sometimes I missed waking up to having four immature Australians in my kitchen waiting for breakfast.

“Sort of, it’s okay though,” Luke says in a rush, yawning into my hair. “You know you’re welcome anytime we’re home.” Michael nods, taking a sip of the tea. Luke presses a kiss into my hair, an arm wrapped loosely around my waist. “How you holding up? I don’t like seeing you and Calum fight.” He turns to me cocking his head towards Michael. “It feels wrong. They’re the power couple and, ugh it was an ugly fight.”

“I’m right here Luke,” Michael says dryly, leveling him with a look. Luke has the good graces to blush, backing away from me and giving Michael a hug. “That’s why I came here to see Jessie, she gives better advice.” I bite the inside of my cheek, trying not to laugh. Luke was the worst when it came to giving his bandmates advice, he couldn’t separate work relationships and platonic relationships sometimes.

“Shoo,” I hand him my tea pushing Luke gently into the living room. “Watch t.v.” Luke rolls his eyes at me, but goes and sits on a beanbag. I wait until he settles on a movie before sitting next to Michael.

“You guys had a nasty fight?” I frown, moving hair out of Michael’s eyes. “I thought you said he was just being distant.”

Michael sighs, setting the mug down and facing me. “Jessie I think I might need to…. Look into a separation.”

My head snaps up fast, my body reacting quicker to Michael’s words than my own brain. “What happened Michael?” I hiss out, my eyes probably bugging out of their sockets.

Michael makes a face at me, scrunching up his features, “We got into a fight at the airport, I wanted to know why Calum was hanging out with Ashton so much when we have things to finalize with the house… and he said I was overreacting.” Michael frowns, shrugging as casually as he can. He turns his head away from me, biting his lip.

He continues the story, going into detail and eventually Luke gravitates back towards us, pulling me close to his chest. I know it’s painful to see his friends going through such a rough patch, he could easily imagine it as us. I let Michael get it all out, all his pain and frustration.

He paces the kitchen, cursing Calum’s name, wishing he had never met the tanned guy. I watch Michael bang on the counter and pull at his hair, screaming about how Calum ignores him now and is too busy to even sleep in the same bed as him. I cringe when Michael accuses him of cheating and using Ashton as an excuse to go out every night, letting Luke pry the glass Michael had poised to throw. Never once does he take off his wedding ring. 

It’s when he starts to cry that he throws himself into mine and Luke’s open arms, I rub his back while Luke tugs gently on his hair, that he starts whispering. “I don’t want to lose him, he’s the only one.”

“Shh,” I say softly, pulling away an inch to look at Luke. We talk with our eyes and it’s unspoken that I’ll make another cup of tea for him while Luke takes him to the couch. I take out the bottle of rum, adding a splash in the mugs before setting in the tea bag.

“He’s so goddamn difficult sometimes I hate him, Jess, and I can see it in his face that he’s scared but he won’t talk to me,” Michael says loudly from the couch, using Luke to prop his legs up. “He shuts me off and I have nothing else to think off but those things. He buries himself in work and forgets to come to bed. He promises to make dinner for us but then goes out with Ashton, or ends up holed up with Luke writing a song.”

“Luke, is that true,” I say sternly, pouring hot water into mugs. I catch Luke balk at me from the couch, shaking his head.

“To a point, I told him he needs to get out of whatever funk he’s in and hang around his husband but then he gives me those puppy eyes of his and I cave,” Luke says nervously, his voice rising. “For the record he does hate sleeping alone, when you lock him out or go to Ashton’s room he bangs on my door until I let him crash with me.”

“Really?” Michael says and then they’re both muttering, too low for me to hear, just the baritones of their voices catching. I dig around the pantry trying to find the special sweets I hide from Luke for this occasion. Mops weaves between my legs anxious for a treat. Taking pity on her I slip her a piece of doughnut.

Tea and sweets ready I bring them over to Luke and Michael, where they’re both whispering to each other urgently, Michael waving his hands around the way he does when he gets excited. “He forgot my birthday!” Michael finally lets out, crossing his arms over his chest. “He’s never forgotten my birthday.”

“Almost forgot,” Luke points out, “He did get a gift.”

“After Ashton surprised me with a cupcake.”

“Michael,” I interrupt, it was getting late and I wanted actual food not spiked tea. “Are you really considering a divorce, it seems… dramatic.” Michael sticks his tongue at me, staying quiet.

“Michael, you and Calum obviously have a lot of things to talk about, but you’ve also known each other the better part of almost twenty years do you want that to end?” I had no doubt that Calum and Michael could maintain a professional relationship for the sake of the band, but that was what made all the more painful. If their friendship ended it would change the band for good. 

“Think about that,” I chime in, resting a hand on his knee. “Are you guys trying to treat this like a friend fight, or a married couple fight? You two are best friends first, a couple second, you need to learn that they're the same thing now.” I shrug at a loss for words on how to explain that these past couple of months has been Michael and Calum acting like teenagers and not a married couple that have been friends for a long time.

“What Jessie is trying to say is that the things you guys used to do before you were married and fought don’t cut it now that you’re married,” Luke clarifies, Michael still looking at us like we’ve grown another head.

I sigh, taking a long sip of tea. “Be more open to each other, talk things out, no divorce you two are over dramatic. You guys love each other so much, if you wanted a divorce that would’ve happened a long time ago Mikey.”

Michael nods, sipping at his own tea. "I’ve just had enough I don’t know what to do. He feels so distant to me, but I’m probably being just as distant.”

“What about the adoption thing?” Luke brings up, fiddling with his tea bag. I ignore the looks he send my way. I knew what Luke wanted, he wasn’t getting it just yet.

“That’s another problem, whenever I bring it up he makes up an excuse or tells me to handle it,” Michael’s frown deepens, so there was the major rift in the fight. “I’m starting to think he doesn’t want to go through with it.”

“Talk to him,” I plead again, having talked to Calum just a few nights ago I knew these two needed to talk before something big happened, like Michael thinking more seriously about a divorce.

“Okay,” Michael says at last, “No promises that he’ll actually listen to me.”  

“I am ordering pizza, Michael you are staying,” Luke says standing up and stretching, his back popping. Its then that my Aunts words float in my head, her voice nagging at me that we’re all too young to be getting married and settled down. I had laughed at her, but looking at Michael her words hit home. Calum and Michael were twenty four and twenty three, a reminder that we were still so young trying to play house.

*

Michael falls asleep on the couch long after Luke goes to bed. I’m last in turning in for the night, putting away my laptop and sweeping up invoices into a neat pile. Mops is curled up around Michael’s feet, snoring lightly. I let her be and shut off all the lights downstairs.

I drape a blanket over Michael and am ready to leave when his hand shoots out to grab at my wrist, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards. “I’ll take care of Mops for you if you want.”

“Can you handle her?” I ask warily glancing at the small but hyper puppy.

“Sure, ‘M by myself for the rest of the week might as well be useful,” Michael grumbles, buying his face deeper into the cushion.

I nod and Michael’s hand slips to dangle off the couch, “Where’s Calum?” I ask softly, hoping maybe he won’t hear.

“In Canberra with Ashton, then they’re going to Mexico city,” Michael says sleepily, no bite or anger in his voice. I move away the hair from his face wishing there was more I could do for him and Calum but I couldn’t be their mediator all the time. I could wish they got their shit straightened out.

I head up to my room and change quickly, sliding into bed next to Luke. I kiss his cheek, rolling him over so I have room on the bed. “He going to be okay?” I barely hear Luke, catching only the last words. He sounds eighteen all over again, scared that his band was falling apart.

I kiss him again, letting him pull me tight against his chest. “I think they will be, Michael’s just so…” I trail off chewing my lip for answers. “They’re both so emotional, but Michael puts it out on display and Calum doesn’t.”

“Communication,” Luke mumbles against my throat, nodding. “Sleep now.” I press my toes against his ankles and settle in for the night, counting the hours in my head until I’m reunited with my mother.

*

The blur of the crowds and the background noise of the airport disappear the moment I step into the airport café, a quiet building full of sunshine and wood floors. There’s business people typing away at laptops and a few tired looking students reading and studying on lounge chairs. It gets my mind racing at how I could design a second restaurant if I ever opened another. Given the popularity of mine many were asking when I would open a second. I hesitated it was struggle enough to run this one by myself while also managing Luke’s accounts. I didn’t want to burn myself out.

But the way the stone and mosaic glass walls blended with the light hardwood fixings and floor got my mind racing, I liked the way it was minimally decorated letting the mosaics on the wall and tables do the talking. I shake myself mentally walking into the already growing line to grab coffee for me and Luke. I ignore the stares a few send my way, too jet lagged for this. I had offered to grab coffee so Luke could spend time hanging out with some fans.

I order the coffees and head to the little counter to wait for them. A minute later a girl comes up to me, shyly tucking a hair behind her ear. I smile at her and nod. “Ugh, Jessie right? I was just wondering if I could take a picture with you?” I look around making sure Luke wasn’t behind me or anything, nope.

“Me?” I question, feeling my brows knit together.

“Please?” The girl pleads starting to look disappointed. “You’re like my inspiration.”

I nod dumbly, managing to get some sound of agreement out of me and pose for a selfie with the girl. I was an inspiration now? After her a few more people come up asking for photos and twitter follows, I happily take their phones posing and following them back. I get so caught up with the little group that I forget about the coffees and don’t see Luke when he comes up in front of me.

“Can I take a picture with you?” Luke trills, un-mocking but full of laughter.  I laugh quietly, reaching for one of the coffees in his hands.

“Luke!” The group screams and I happily take the other coffee out of his hands slinking into the background while Luke goes another round with the cameras. I loved how patient he was with them, if the group was small always making sure to answer their questions and making sure everyone got a photo or something signed.

“Luke,” I say softly, bumping his hip with mine. Like me he’s gotten lost in conversation, talking to a redhead girl and boy no older than sixteen about recording melodies. “We’re going to be late.”

“Oh shit, right. Okay see you guys I have a lunch date with Jessie’s parents,” Luke tells the crowd taking his coffee back from me. The crowd coos, letting us by. I cross my fingers, hoping my mother still enjoyed Italian food.

 

 

“The last time I saw you, Luke, you had just broken my daughter’s heart for the first time,” My mother says airily, waving her hand up and down. I feel myself blush, the heat in my cheeks very much uncomfortable. “Now you’re my son-in-law.”

Luke giggles squeezing my hand tighter, “Yes but now we’re meeting under better circumstances right?” I look at my dad whose tight expression probably matches mine. I make a face at him, glancing between my mom and Luke.

He gets the hint, sliding an arm around my mother’s shoulders putting on an easy smile, “Yes we are, now let’s go have that lunch.” I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. Luke lets go of my hand opting to casually sling his arm around my shoulders.

“I need a drink,” he mutters pressing a kiss to my temple. “Also you know I love you right?”

I giggle, pushing him away from me. “Me too, buddy.”  Luke makes a noise, bringing me back to him. “I love you too.”

*

The day before thanksgiving finds Luke and I helping out with the baking. I’m chopping apples while Luke tries to figure out how to make pumpkin pie. My mother and aunt work around us, dropping cookie dough on pans and getting vegetables ready for the next morning. They’re oddly silent, making me talk to Luke in whispers since I feel too loud in the quiet home. Jade has her headphones on, swaying to music only she can hear while mixing dough.

“Why don’t you ever bake when we’re home?” Luke whispers loudly, sneaking a slice of apple from me. I shrug at him nudging him towards his bowlful of pumpkin filling.

“You always buy sweets and shit, I don’t feel the need to bake.” My mother glares at me, silently reprimanding my language. I stick my tongue out at her, until she apologized to me and Luke for missing the wedding I wasn’t toning down my attitude. I bump against Luke, snatching the cinnamon away from him. “I actually prefer baking to cooking.”

Luke makes a surprised noise, raising his eyebrows at me. I laugh loudly starting to pour the apples into the pie shells. “And here you were for the past two years just cooking.” He tsks, making sure to dribble pumpkin filling onto my cheek. I toss back flour at him, leaving white patches on his black sweater.

“Jessie’s actually a better baker than chef,” my mother says after a lull in Luke and I’s small food fight. I turn to her, waiting for a biting comment. “Lord knows why she opened up a restaurant and not a bakery.” My aunt makes a face at my mother tossing flour at her as she puts away broccoli. Jade makes a face too, hiding behind Luke while she mouths ‘what’s her problem?’ at me. I shrug, popping an apple into my mouth.

“Mom can you like not hate on my life choices for forty eight hours?” I finally ask, putting the pies in the oven. I move over to Jade and help her scoop the last of the cookie dough onto the pans. “I haven’t seen you in four years, and I’m being nice considering you missed my wedding.” My mom turns red, slamming down a bowl of stuffing. Whoops.

“I missed your wedding because I didn’t think there was going to be wedding,” she grits out, shoving dark curls out of her face. “You two aren’t exactly the poster child for consistency.” I feel Luke stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Gently holding me back while my temper flares.

“We were together for a year before we broke up and we were dating for another two before the wedding,” I say as calmly as possible, relying on Luke to keep my head even. He tightens his grip as he nods against my neck.

“Breathe baby, breathe,” he murmurs.

“It was rude not to show up to the wedding, she is your only child Maria,” my aunts says softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. My mother waves it off, pointing her fingers at Luke and me.

“I never doubted your choices Jessica, until you showed up crying over this boy and then went back to him, then married him. Don’t act like you don’t see what the papers print about you, he’s probably using you for the publicity,” my mother snaps, holding the stare I give her.

“I would never use Jessie for publicity,” Luke breaks the silence, his own anger barely contained. I grip at his hands, his wedding band digging into my fingers. “I love her.”

My mom snorts, glancing at us and my aunt. “You believe them Yvonne?’

My aunt doesn’t skip a beat, answering back breezily, “Of course, you don’t see them the way I do. They’re happy together.” Jade nods behind her own mother, my sixteen year old niece sending a wink my way.

“Well that’s that then” my mother whispers, leaving the kitchen. “Ruin your life Jessica, but don’t come back here.” The rest of us stare at each other until the timer goes off shrill and loud. Jade rushes to turn it off, opening up the oven. The rest of us slowly come out of our daze, moving around the kitchen, cleaning up and putting the sweets away. I had a feeling this would be the last time I was over for the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyones already read the newest chapter on part three you know what happens with Michael and Calum. Those who haven't, you should :) Posting this chapter way behind what I intended because it got to long and I had to cut it in half. Thank you for reading.


	8. The Holidays Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The holidays continue on in New York. Michael makes up his mind. Broadway is a magical place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as how many Hamilton references can I fit into a chapter! :) Enjoy and thank you for reading.

**December**

“How was thanksgiving?” Michael whispers into the phone, I lean back against Luke petting Mops. Luke plays with my hair absently, tugging out knots.

“Awful,” He yells, giving me a small smile.

“Awful,” I agree, going into detail about the disaster that was Thanksgiving. Michael laughs when I tell him how my dad burned the turkey trying to grill it and how my mom avoided me until Friday night. That’s when it got interesting as me and Luke fought off her and my dad’s brother and wife, how they hated our job choices and how I could do _so much better._

“Damn Jess, did your mom say anything good?” Michael says after a moment of silence the hum of the t.v in the background getting lower.

“She liked my hair, if that makes sense,” I say twirling a finger around my lighter hair. It was the only nice thing she had said to me, which now made me want to chop off my hair again.

“But we are never going over there again!” Luke yell into the phone, snatching it away from me. “One of her cousins called the band a washed out wannabe rock band!” I grab the phone back, hearing the last of Michael’s cursing. I laugh, holding the phone away from me. Michael finally quiets down, muttering about how no one knows what good music is anymore. Let’s just say no one was going to Dallas anymore.

“I thought you were on radio silence Mike?” I pry, interrupting Michael. These past three weeks have been nothing but hell for me and Luke, the stress of Michael deciding whether or not to separate from Calum eating us up. I had broken down in tears when Michael had confessed he started smoking again to me. That Calum didn’t even notice. He had been the last to admit everything he had gone through when Luke was being a bully and I took it harder than with the others.

I had even put the blame on Luke for a few days, letting him feel guilty over his bad life choices when he was younger. I couldn’t stay mad him when I had cooled down, he didn’t deserve it any more than the others had deserved this. “I’m only on radio silence with Calum.” Michael replies quietly, taking in a shaky breath. This felt like a massive step in the wrong direction and there really was nothing I could do, it was up to Michael and Calum.

“I threw away the papers.” I gasp, hitting Luke on the chest. He grunts, waving between me and the phone. I put it on speaker just as Michael begins to speak again. “You should have seen him Jessie, crying and spilling his heart out to me.” He continues talking, Luke and I listening intently. I hum in the right places, letting Luke verbally answer. I don’t trust my voice.                             

“And then I left my fucking wedding band over there, god can you believe it? Calum probably thinks we’re done. I mean, almost were, but that’s not the point,” Michael laughs quietly, thanking someone in the background. “I love him too much Jessie, Luke. I can’t imagine being with another person, I just hope he still feels the same.”

“I think he does,” Luke mutters kindly, “You two are each other’s world, I was always jealous of that.” Luke squeezes my hand, kissing my cheek quickly. We’re both blushing, Luke had never admitted that to me before.  Michael laughs sadly over the phone, mumbling something along the lines of his mother also saying that.

“Please don’t tell Calum I thought about this,” Michael suddenly pleads, asking me and Luke to stay quiet. “I think he’s realized his mistakes, and to be honest with myself I don’t think I would’ve gone through with it anyways.” Luke sends me a wary glance, tilting his head at the phone.

“They’ll be fine, don’t bring it up Luke,” I warn, patting his knee. Mops jumps up on his lap, distracting my husband.

“We’ll be fine,” Michael assures, sounding more himself. “Now I’m going to learn to make pancakes.” We all laugh and he hangs up, leaving Luke and I to contemplate life’s recent events. I drape a blanket over us, careful to mind Mops. Marriage was hard work, but with the right person I truly believed it was worth it. I look over at Luke who’s scratching Mops belly, cooing over the puppy and smile widely. I had a feeling Calum and Michael would be more than fine after this, just like I knew Luke and I would be fine that first Christmas at the beach house.

Which reminded me, “Luke you did tell them we were spending Christmas and New Years in New York, right?” Luke reddens, pulling out his cell phone.

“I didn’t tell them about Christmas, shit,” Luke says, putting the phone to his ear. “Michael, one more thing…”

*

 

I couldn’t imagine spending Christmas Eve watching the most famous Broadway show of this decade. I had screamed when Luke had said he had gotten tickets to see Hamilton. I had been wanting to see the musical since it opened. It was a Christmas present for me Luke had said when he showed me the tickets, but he managed to get six tickets inviting our friends along.

Michael was apparently a big fan since all he could do since Luke had told him about the play at the airport was talk to me about it. I didn’t mind, I couldn’t shut up about it either purposely ignoring Luke and Calum’s looks and sarcastic remarks. Bryana was excited to see it, but not completely into it like Michael and I were. Ashton was just excited about the music part of it, hoping to meet Lin-Manual Miranda after the show.

“So this is literally the first time the original cast is reprising their roles since, god it’s been a while,” I stumble into Luke, whispering the fact. He laughs, tucking me under his arm as we walk into the hotel. Michael is talking Calum’s ear off too, telling him about the rhyming schemes used in the songs and the irony of rhyming son with sun.

Luke kisses me hard, pulling me into the elevator. “No more talking for like five minutes please, let me kiss my wife.” I giggle, playfully punching him in the chest. I kiss him back, kissing him until the elevator stops on our floor.

“Let’s go get ready,” He says roughly, smacking my ass.

 

“Let’s not,” I smirk, trying to unzip my jacket sexily. Luke laughs, kissing me again. I deepen the kiss, raking my fingers through his hair.

“For the love of all that’s pure in this world get inside your fucking room and get ready,” Ashton yells, making us jump apart, he stands in the hallway shirt unbuttoned and hair falling into his eyes. He smiles at me, winking. I laugh, shaking my head. Our moment broken me and Luke head to our room.

 

“Calum does this look good?” I walk into Michael and Calum’s room trying to zip up the blush colored dress I was wearing. Michael is lounging on the bed in his underwear rolling his eyes at me. I flip him off, giving up on the dress. Michael points to the bathroom, the sound of running water and loud singing making its way to me.

“Why are you asking me?” Calum calls from the bathroom, the water shutting off. “Bryana’s here ask her, more importantly who let you in?” Calum walks out, a towel wrapped around his waist showing off his incredibly toned body. He crosses his arms, raising a brow at me. I snap out of my daze pointing to Michael. Calum smiles softly glancing at the blonde and shakes his head.

“I need an honest opinion, Bryana tells me I look good in everything,” I supply weakly, tugging at the dress. “So?” I twirl slowly, letting Calum assess what I am wearing.  He shakes his head, pursing his lips.

“Wear the lilac one, with the cutout,” Calum points to his chest trying to describe the dress. How he knew I brought it, I didn’t care to know. I nod and blow kisses at them, exiting the suite. Bryana stands out in the hallway a worried look on her face. Her own sheer navy dress looks great on her, blonde hair picked up in an elegant ponytail

“What’s taking so long? We need to leave!” I check the time on my phone, widening my eyes at her. I shrug and run to my own suite, yelling at Luke to hurry the fuck up.

-

The musical is perfection of course. The original cast makes the run just a tiny bit more special, everyone continues to cheer and clap after every performance long after the music fades away causing the play to run longer than usual.

All of us cry at some point in, Bryana is teary from the third song until the finale crying so hard at the end the lady sitting next to her offers a tissue. I lose it at Dear Theodosia and cry again at Burn, the performance moving my very soul. I catch Luke crying at Hurricane, quickly wiping his tears. Ashton starts crying at Wait for It and doesn’t really stop until the finale, Michael and Calum cry Helpless, Hurricane, and Blow Us Away. All of us laugh and hoot at the cabinet battles and the Reynolds Pamphlet.

Afterwards, I don’t know how Luke worked his magic, but we find ourselves meeting the cast. I’ve been told I get star struck easily, and it finally catches up to me when I’m smiling like an idiot hugging Anthony Ramos and the genius behind the musical himself Lin-Manual Miranda. I can’t get any words out past ‘hi’ and ‘oh my god’, making everyone giggle.

We all get pictures taken, by the press and for our own keeping. I make sure to get my playbill signed, causing Calum to poke fun at me at how I’m still not used to being around celebrities. I flip him off, earning laughs from Philippa and Jasmine. I leave the theater feeling nothing but joy, this Christmas was one of the best by far.

 

At the end of the night we pile into Michael and Calum’s suite, a small tree set up in the corner spilling with gifts. We watch Christmas movies and drink hot chocolate munching on cupcakes. Blankets and pillows cover the floors, we don’t plan on leaving the room. Everyone’s content, wrapped up in each other, our legs tangled together and its hard to see where one of us begins and ends.  “Merry Christmas,” I toast raising my mug of chocolate.

“Merry Christmas,” Everyone follows our mugs clinking together as we sloppily press them together. I look out the window, snow falling softly against the window. Looks like we were getting a white Christmas.   

*

It was freezing outside in Times Square. I was wearing five layers of clothing and I could still feel my fingers and toes going numb despite having pocket heaters. Despite the stylist’s glares and protestations I was not going to be wearing the thin long sleeve dress and heeled boots in this weather. I felt sorry for the guys, rehearsing in just Henley’s and jeans. I was hiding near the stage watching the crowd grow bigger as the guys started playing one of their old songs. In four hours they would play minutes before the ball dropped and the New Year was brought in.

“Jessie how do we sound?” Luke calls at the end of the set, taking off his in-ears. I flash a thumbs up and blow a kiss, a few people capturing the exchange on camera and giggling.

“How do we really sound?” Ashton calls, standing up from his drum set. I climb up the stars blowing on my fingers to keep them warm.

“Pitchy at the end, don’t force the high notes,” I point to Calum and Luke staying clear of the microphones. “Drums and bass sound great, though.”

“You’re so biased with the rhythm section,” Michael pouts, glancing at another wave of crowds following some talk show host outside the studio. Everything was being televised tonight, bringing back haunting memories of another award show. I had the feeling that was why all five us were on edge, Luke and Ashton more so than the us three. I was glad the cameras were off us for another hour at least. I couldn’t imagine what I would do if something awful happened again.

I kept reminding myself that Ashton was better, everyone was better and healthier. No one was fainting or going to the hospital tonight. Michael and Calum were ok, both wedding rings on their fingers. Luke and I were okay, everything was fine. I had to keep my nerves at bay, if they showed the rest of them would get nervous and freak.

“Never, guys please relax,” I say softly, sidling up to Luke to get some warmth. “You guys are going to pull this off flawlessly, remember you have to top that talent show band.” I give them thumbs up again, waiting until the four of them return the gesture.

“Why aren’t you inside enjoying the shows and party?” Ashton asks, pulling on a hoodie. I sit at the edge of kit, taking away his drumsticks. I tap out a dull beat, mulling over my answer.

“By the time I find Ashley or Bryana, even Alex, it’ll be time for you guys to play.” I say shyly, picking at the watch Calum had gotten me. “I don’t know it’s not my scene.”

“I can call Bry, she’s with some of her old modeling friends and Kendall,” Ashton says taking out his phone. I take it away opening up snapchat.

“Let’s not do that and take pictures instead,” I say going through the filters. Ashton huffs loudly, but leans in a flower crown popping up over his head.

 

 

Bryana finds me five minutes before the band goes on, the crowd pushing against the railing. I breathe a sigh of relief, I wasn’t going to be alone for the rest of the night. “Jessie, meet my friends!” She says loudly, pulling me into a hug. I let her introduce me to the three girls and two guys, all models or social media stars. For a now nurse she kept in touch frequently with them. “When do they go on?” She asks a camera panning on us. I give a wave and smile, Bryana crouching over and blowing a kiss.

“Like right now,” I yell over the crowd, an announcer taking the stage to introduce our boys.

A reporter walks up to us microphone and recorder in hand. “You guys are with the band right?” I nod slowly, Bryana taking a step behind me. “Mind if I ask a few questions?” He smiles creepily, probably hoping we’ll say something we shouldn’t.

“They’re about to play can we listen to them first?” Bryana speaks up, pointing to them just as the first notes of Calum’s bass begin to play. The reporter doesn’t get a chance to answer, the crowd going wild as the band play their first single from the new album. We dance along, yelling just as loud. Bryana sings along, smiling brightly at Ashton. I catch Luke’s eye and wink, making him stumble over his words for a minute. I’m no longer cold.

 

 

“Just one request Mr. Corden,” Luke yells into the mic, looking down at me. The announcer smiles and cocks his head at Luke.

“What? There’s two minutes until the New Year?”

“Can I bring up my wife and Ashton’s girlfriend?” Luke speaks into the microphone still holding my gaze. I feel myself blush as the cameras pan over me and Bryana, cheers and jokes making their way to us.

“Sure, let the lads have their new year kisses,” the guards help us climb over the railing and I have conflicted thoughts over my outfit, I’ll be looking like a mom up there in my sweaters, jacket, and jeans instead of like a proper celebrity wife in the black dress I passed up. Bryana looks flawless like always, in a red lace long, sleeve crop top and high waisted black jeans and red heels completing her look.

“And the countdown begins,” Mr. Corden yells into the microphone, the giant countdown hitting 58. Luke pulls me close to him while we watch the ball drop. It’s already the first in Sydney, but this is a million times better. I glance around, taking in my friends.

Ashton has his arms wrapped around Bryana, resting his head on her shoulder. They’re both counting down loudly, smiling. Michael and Calum are holding hands, Calum glancing at Michael every other second with so much love in his face it makes me smile. I wished them best, all of them.

“Remember the first New Years we spent together?” Luke asks when the clock hits twenty. I nod, remembering how we had climbed to the roof to watch the fireworks go off. It was also the first time we had slept together, Luke had promised me to make the New Year worth my while. “I know I didn’t keep my promise that year, but this year I will keep it.”

I wait until the clock its ten and turn around, tracing his cheek. “I love you.” Five, four, three…

“I love you too.” Two…

One.

“Happy New Years!” Everyone yells, confetti and streamers falling onto the floor.

We kiss, clinging onto each other as the noise disappears from the background. Luke tugs me closer, tangling his fingers in my hair. I deepen the kiss letting his tongue trace my lip, he bites my lip gently and I forget about the cameras. I forget about the crowd, our troubles. It’s a New Year and a new slate. Tonight there is only us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's going to SLFL Phoenix?? Me, I am! Anyone else?


	9. Honeymoon Woos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Jessie go on a month long vacation in Europe, creating memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One week without internet and I managed to write the rest of this fic, yay! Now it's time to edit edit and write the rest of When the Odds are Stacked.

**May, Rome, Italy.**

The clouds part, revealing glittering blue and emerald waters. As the plane descends closer to ground I make out sun bleached villas, and tiled rooftops. Rivers no longer look like veins as they cut across hills and land. Italy looks just as beautiful as the pictures.

Luke’s asleep next to me, snoring lightly. He hadn’t slept in nearly twenty four hours, the press tour ended in L.A just forty hours ago. He had flown from there to Sydney only to board another long flight. While I had been too anxious to sleep most of the flight Luke had knocked out as soon as we were in the air, only waking up when we switched flights in Hong Kong.  

I glance out the window again, our first class seats acting more like a mini office. I had the desk pulled down, laptop open as I finished up the last of my work. After this my assistant manager would take over for the month.

A month in Europe. I giggled, a month long proper honeymoon. Even better was that we would be celebrating my birthday in Paris. I swooned at the thought of that. I typed out my last email quickly, responding to Calum and Michael’s long ass email that included pictures of their finished house. It also was an update on their adoption process, I smiled. They had been given a little girl, and from Calum’s description she had green eyes and had dark curly hair. I was happy for them, their wishes were finally coming true.

The plane hits turbulence, making Luke jolt forward and bump his head on the seat in front of him. “Fucking hell!”

“Shhh! Language,” the lady in front whispers, turning over to frown at us. She gives Luke a stern look before turning back around muttering about how rude Luke was being. I rolled my eyes, sending off the email.

“Rude,” Luke mumbles as the lady, rubbing his head. I bring his head close to mine, kissing his forehead gently. He smiles at me, lacing our fingers together.

“We haven’t even landed and I already feel like this is the best vacation ever,” I say quietly, handing over our trash to flight attendant. Luke nods, stretching out his limbs and knocking on the seat in front purely out of spite. I hear the lady huff in annoyance not bothering with turning around. “Luke,” I chide, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“We literally just landed, please.” Luke bites his lip, giggling. I roll my eyes waiting for the moment that we can leave.

 

 

The hotel we check into overlooks the city. The hazy lights wash over Rome casting the ancient city in gold. From the balcony I can make out the Fontana de Trevi. We’re in the heart of the city, the sticky heat beginning to make my clothes damp. I pull my hair up, leaning over the railing to watch the people walk down the sidewalks. We had a whole week here in Rome and I intended to spend every moment of that week exploring the city.

It was my first time anywhere in Europe and this grand trip was going to the highlight of this year. With the guys finally done touring I hoped to spend more time with Luke. More than just a few days or a week filled with appearances and side performances. This month was for us only.

The afternoon sun slips into dusk, coloring the sky purple. I can hear Luke singing in the shower, fighting off his jet lag. My eyes are heavy themselves but we want to go out to dinner first, then collapse into bed.

I make my way over to the small vanity, digging through my carry on to find my makeup and brush. I watch Luke strut around the room, trying to find clothes with just a towel wrapped around his waist. “So this restaurant we’re going to is my favorite, best pasta in the world.” Luke finally says buttoning up a white shirt. I rest my head against my palm, watching Luke finishing getting ready.

“You say that to every girl you take to Rome,” I quip, strutting over to Luke. I laugh as he turns red, staring at his feet.

“No just the ones I marry,” He murmurs, pulling me close to him. I close the space between us, kissing him lightly. His hands wrap around my waist, tugging me even closer. I pull back, laughing quietly and buttoning the last few buttons on Luke’s shirt.

“Come on, let’s go.”

-

“Make a wish Luke,” I squeal, trying to get Luke to stop recording me. I had already made my wish, tossing the last penny I had in my wallet into the fountain. The people milled around us, some muttering in annoyance as we hogged up the prime picture taking spot. I giggled taking the camera out of Luke’s hands and turning it on him. “Make your wish baby.”

Luke got serious, the smirk falling from his face as he faced the fountain. I could see his lips moving silently as he made his wish, closing his eyes and tossing a coin into the water. With a loud pop the coin hit the surface, taking our wishes to Fortuna. I shut off the camera, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Time to go to the Colosseum,” I mutter, watching others make their wishes. Rome natives tossed in coins alongside tourists and foreigners, shutting their eyes and hoping a long gone goddess would hear them.

Luke nods, lacing our fingers together. We walk down the streets, Luke pointing out shops and places he went to with the boys over the years. We duck into a few, buying souvenirs and candy. Luke’s Italian is choppy at best, but it gets us around.

I stick to trying to translate, the language so close to Spanish. When I can I speak Spanish, the words flowing better than Luke’s Italian. They store owners smile and laugh at us but in the end thank us for trying to speak it. I clutch my bags to my chest, letting Luke buy us gelato before we head down to the Pantheon and Colosseum.

“We’re going to be so screwed in France,” I laugh, taking the gelato form Luke. He nods, shaking his head. I watch people pass us by, the Italian sun warm on my cheeks.

“We never had more than a day in France, I think Calum was the only one that picked up a few phrases,” Luke says, watching street performers dance in a small garden. I nod, taking in the scenery and noise. I wondered how it felt to live in a city so old. To know that so many things happened on these very cobblestones. The rise and fall of an empire, a cultural renaissance, so many things buried and lost under the stones. History erased and re-written with each new building that went up.

“Jess, you okay? Need water?” Luke’s voice brings me back to the present, my gelato long melted.

“Yeah, I just got lost in my head,” I smile up at him, easing the concern off his face. We continue walking, reaching the Colosseum. It’s cool shadow a relief to my hot skin. I snap a few pictures, making Luke pose in a few of them.

Luke manages to get someone to take our pictures, pulling me close by his side while the teenager in front of us figures out the cameras. My Polaroid to Luke’s mirrorless. The boy holds up three fingers counting down. We smile cheesily with the Colosseum in the background, Luke pressing a kiss to my cheek as the cameras go off.

-

At the end of the night we tumble into bed, our clothes long gone. Whispers become kisses as we roll around, Luke’s fingers in my hair and my hands tracing the planes of his chest. He mutters things in Italian, making me giggle and blush all the same as his hand dips between my thighs. I mutter praises to him in Spanish, kissing my way down his body before taking him into my mouth.

The hot night becomes sticky as Luke pulls me onto his lap, sitting against the headboard as I ride him lazily. He pulls my hair up, his fingers tangling in the locks before letting his hands fall to my hips thrusting up into me. I moan out his name, losing control. My thighs tremble, Luke gracefully turning me onto my back. The night wears on.

 

Afterwards he opens up the balcony doors, letting the cool night air take the heat off our bodies. The sheets are tangle around us, my head lying on his chest as he plays with my hair. I press a light kiss to his jaw, cuddling closer to Luke. I drift off to sleep with him humming a song he wrote a while ago, no lyrics to it. Just lilting melodies and soft harmony.

*

On our last night in Rome we both watched the night fall from the balcony, glasses of champagne in our hands. I sit with my feet tucked up on the chair, my robe loosely open around my chest. Luke sits shirtless next to me, the air hot enough for both us to stay away from each other a little while longer.

“ _Veni_ , _vidi,_ _vici_ ,” I say lowly, taking a sip out of my glass.

“That means?” Luke questions, quirking his eyebrows at me.

“I came, I saw, I conquered,” I murmur moving over to Luke. He opens his arms for me and I settle in his lap, kissing him gently. “Or I should say _; Veni_ , _Vidi_ , _Amavi_. I came, I saw, I loved.”

“It’s a phrase used,” I say relaxing into Luke’s arms. He kisses my neck, moving aside my hair. “When in Rome.”

“That’s another phrase isn’t it?” Luke asked, sounding a bit confused. I laugh to myself, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Yeah there’s many phrases.”

We sit in silence as the last of the sun drops, disappearing over the buildings and down the hills. The darkness settles quietly, Rome’s night life coming alive. We finish our champagne, setting the glasses aside in favor of tiramisu. In the morning we would take a train to Milan, where Luke promised we would watch a Fashion Week show. I was excited to explore the new city, to taste new wines and eat new foods.

The night air cools off, making the two of us shiver. “We should go to bed.” Luke murmurs kissing my shoulder.

I shake my head and stand, peering over the railing. “The nights too beautiful.” I let my robe slip off my shoulders, the silky fabric pooling at my waist. I feel Luke walk behind me sneaking his hands up my robe to rest on my hips.

“You’re too beautiful,” He whispers in my ear, rubbing circles into my hips. I hum, saying nothing as Luke continues to massage my back. If only I could see the stars. 

I turn in his arms kissing him passionately, letting my hands roam down his back. He cups my cheeks, pressing kisses down neck. I let the rest of the robe slip off, leaving me only in a black lace bra and panties.

His eyes rake over my body, lifting me up, he walks us back to the bed. Leaving champagne kisses down my throat and chest.

*

**Milan, Italy**

The heat is more bearable in in Milan. My hair constantly frizzes, leaving me to wearing it in slicked buns and tight French braids. Lukes’s hair curls as well, blonde curls falling into his eyes as we walk into another museum. Luke listens to me while I talk about the art pieces hanging on the walls, smiling widely as I get excited and worked up over vases and statues.

He follows me along without complaint, content to record and take pictures of the scenery and me. Every now and then he points out a place we should try, saying he had been there a few times with the band. In the afternoon we head to vineyard enjoying a picnic in the fields, munching on grapes.

At night he takes me to a club, the two of us pressed up against each other dancing to eighties music. We’re lost in our own little world, taking shots with a group of Londoners that teach us how to order alcohol in Italian. One of the guys in the group, a little shorter than me but with gorgeous hazel eyes teaches me a folk dance. I let myself spin and spin, being handed off between him and Luke as the beat quickens the alcohol making me brave.

In between dances we sip on martinis and munch on some sort of dip. Luke and the guy fully immersed in a conversation about music. He catches my eye winking at the guy, James, before continuing the conversation. I zone back into my conversation with two of the girls, one reminding me so much of Mali. I haven’t seen her in so long, I should convince Luke to let us spend a few days in London and visit her.

“So how long have you and Luke been married?” the blonde asks, pouting over at my husband.

“Almost a year,” I reply hastily, letting her know we were very much happy with being married.

“Well if I was you,” the other blonde starts, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. “I would take those two to bed right now before James leaves with Luke.”

I choke on my drink, glancing between my husband and James to the girls in front of me. “What? That’s…” I wave my hand dismissing the idea before I thought about it more seriously. The girls giggle, sloshing their drinks onto the floor.

 

Three dances and an hour later Luke pulls me aside, leaving behind James at the bar. We’re both very tipsy, Luke giggling into his hand as he tugs me into a corner. “Please?” He whines, taking my hands into his.

“Please what?” I say confused. Luke points over my shoulder, I follow his line of sight landing on James. He’s laughing at something one of the girls said, spilling beer onto the counter. The music pulses around us, making my head spin.

“Can we take him back to the hotel, please?” Luke pleads, turning his blue eyes on me. He pouts sticking out his bottom lip. I glance back at James only to be met with him staring straight at us, hazel eyes glittering mischievously. He cocks his head to the side, and slowly licks his lips.

What the hell, we were on vacation anyways. I nod at Luke, lacing his fingers with mine. “Don’t hog him up, okay?” I laugh, and we’re both speed walking towards James. Luke grabs his hand, yelling bye to the others in the group. I laugh and wave, leaving behind the stunned looks on the girls.

 

In the elevator Luke pounces, dragging the two of us close to him. “Both, okay… with this?” We’ve had a little time to sober up, but not quiet. Luke still slurs some of his words and James is giggling into Luke’s neck, nodding. I kiss Luke’s check, humming my agreement.

We’re barely make it through the door with clothes on, two pairs of calloused hands ripping the dress off of me as I fumble with too many buttons. James’ is kissing my neck, Luke’s lips hot on mine as he shakes off his pants.

The three of us stumble into bed, Luke dragging James into a heated kiss over me. I watch them make out above me, mesmerized as a different side of Luke comes out as he lets James suck a mark onto his collarbones. I run my hands up their arms; the lean, pale, muscles of Luke blending with the dark and bulky ones of James.

They turn their attention on me, lying on either side. They both start kissing, nipping and leaving marks across my chest. Hands dip between my legs and I moan out, meeting Luke for a kiss before turning my head to kiss James.

I lose myself with them, pleasure coming in waves as the night wears on. I watch Luke and James go at it, too exhausted for a third round. The moonlight making both of them glisten. I sit far at the edge of the bed, my own between my legs as I watch my husband grip at the sheets and moan obscenities into the ear of another.

 

We all fall asleep around dawn, all of us talking quietly until we drifted off. Whether James knew who we were or not, we never bothered to ask. Nor did we really care. Luke presses me against his chest, muttering nonsense and kissing my forehead. I yawn and kiss his jaw, letting sleep over take me.

-

“Mother- Fuck!” my eyes open at Luke’s cursing, the bed cool and empty.

“What? What happened?” I ask drowsily, sitting up. I rub the sleep from my eyes, watching Luke grimace in pain as he tries to slip on his boxers.

“Nothing, just shit it hurts,” he groans, giving up on clothing and throwing himself head first on the bed. I glance around the floor, slipping on Luke’s shirt. I pat my chest, Luke crawling over to me before resting his head on my belly.

“What hurts baby?” I coo, ignoring the wonderful headache I woke up with. Luke scrunches up his features again, and letting out a slow breath.

“My head… and my ass.” I laugh, erupting in a fit of giggles as the night before repeats itself in my head. Luke turns away from me, a blush spreading all the way down to his shoulders. “Now I know how Cal and Mike must feel.” He mutters, rubbing the small of his back gently.

I take over, shooing his fingers away. “You wanted to do it, how did you like it?” I ask curious to see what Luke would say. I had a feeling he would be on the phone with Calum for the rest of the morning, talking certain feelings over.

He laughs lightly and shakes his head, “I really don’t think I’m doing that again. God how drunk were we?”

“I don’t know, not that drunk if we remember it,” I muse out loud stroking Luke’s back. “Where is James?”

“Bolted about an hour ago, said something about missing his flight to London,” Luke yawns, curling his toes into mine. “ ‘Twas funny.”

I shift him over, standing up and heading over to the bathroom. “I’m going to shower, order some breakfast for us?” Luke nods, flipping over onto his stomach.

I close the door quietly, running the water right away. I press up against the door hearing Luke talking on the other side.

“Calum, mate, I have a few questions for you…”

 

-

Thursday evening we both dress up, Luke in all black with a white tie while I wear a strapless white dress, amethysts and diamonds around my neck. An early birthday gift from Cartier as the note on the package stated. There’s a limo out front, paparazzi already lining up as I pin my hair up, curls falling out of the loose chignon. I drag the comb through Luke hair, working in mousse so the curls stay and don’t frizz.

“Ready?” He smiles at me, kissing my hand so he ruin my makeup. I nod and grab my bag, making sure the hotel key was in it.

The limo takes us to a ruined castle where Milan fashion week was taking place. There was already a thick crowd trying to get in, regular cars mixing with limos and sport cars. We get dropped off in front of the red carpet, the only one we’ll be doing this month, cameras already going off as soon as we exit the car.

 

Inside is much calmer, waiters hand out drinks and munchies while celebrities and socialites mill about the foyer. The castle is dressed up, looking like it was ruined on purpose. Everyone is just as extravagant, jewels dripping off everyone and clothes that probably cost my whole college tuition. It made my own outfit feel plain. I tuck my arm around Luke’s nodding to the few people I know. Most of our crowd didn’t mingle with this one.

“Whose show is this again?” I murmur, watching a model walk up to us.

“Gucci I think,” Luke whispers before he’s smiling and kissing the model twice on the cheek, putting on his best fake laugh as he chit chats with the model.

The Gucci clutch I walk out with after the show makes it all worthwhile.

*

**Madrid, Spain.**

Our third week abroad we decide to stop in Spain instead of going on to Marseille. The heat is better here, more dry but just as hot. If not more.

This time I let Luke drag me around the places he has mapped out, me translating for the both of us. We stopped at cathedrals and pubs, making friends at every stop. Most of the time no one recognizes us, when they do the fans were kind enough to give us space after we told them we were on our honeymoon. The paparazzi on the other had to be bribed with beers and sweets.

We manage to sneak into a palace tour, hanging quietly in the back as the tour guide explains the tapestries hung on the wall. At the end she graciously tells us not to do that again and waves us off, sending a security guard to make sure we actually exit the palace.

-

Over the week we check out a soccer game and visit a reconstructed temple, tourists leaving more coins for wishes. At night we tumble into bed either tired down to the bone or stripping off each other’s clothes.

We attend an opera one of the nights, and afterwards a street band hands Luke a guitar begging for a song. Luke strikes up a tune, the rest of the band following suit. I dance with a little girl, chocolate brown eyes reminding me of Calum. As much as I was enjoying my time over here I couldn’t help but become home sick for my friends.

At the end of the week Luke drags me to a shrine in the city, tucked away between fountains and laundry lines. I kept pestering Luke about it, none of us were really religious _why did we spend two hours trying to find this secluded place when we could’ve had lunch_. Luke just shushes me, saying it was important.

I find the shrine covered in in red roses and lilies, a painting of the saint delicately engraved. Luke kneels, handing over his own rose. He closes his eyes and I feel compelled to do the same. I kneel next to him, closing my eyes.

When we get up an old lady is crossing us, muttering a blessing for newlyweds. I smile at her and walk away with Luke, our fingers tangling together.

“What was she doing?” Luke glances at me, kissing my temple.

“Blessing us,” I shrug. “For a happy marriage.”

At dinner I finally ask why we went to the shrine, Luke just shrugs shoving another forkful of food into his mouth.

“A fan told me a while ago that sometimes the Lady answered certain wishes or prayers, but if she does you have to go back and give her a rose and thank her or else she’ll revoke it.” Luke takes a long sip of his wine, staring down at his plate. “During our break up business brought me to Madrid and I sought her out.” Luke shrugs again, giving me a shy smile.

“What did you wish for?” I whisper, already knowing the words that Luke would say.

“For us to be together and happy. I had to go back to her.” I keep quiet after that, not wanting to tempt Fate anymore.

*

**Paris, France**

“HAPPY Birthday Jessie!” the boys scream into my phone, making me hold it away from my ear. The conference call I was having with them quickly became a fight over who could sing happy birthday better, the three grown men harmonizing perfectly at once.

“Tell them shut the hell up,” Luke groans, setting cups of coffee down on the little table on our balcony.

I hold out the phone to him, raising an eyebrow. “My birthday, I wanted them here.”

“It’s our honeymoon, you don’t want them here,” Luke quips, shoving a croissant into his mouth. I sigh loudly, getting the boys to stop fighting over the phone.

“It’s your second to last day in Paris, Jessie, what are you and Luke doing?” Ashton asks, genuinely curious as to what else we could do in Paris.

“I don’t know,” I say slowly, sipping at my coffee. “Luke has something planned out but he won’t tell me.”

“What a dick,” Michael yells, the sound of Calum yelling at their pets reaching me. I laugh silently, eating my own bread and cheese.

“Michael, shut the fuck up,” Luke yells, laughing. “We all know you have a hand down Calum’s pants right now and that’s why he’s not talking.”

Michael quietens, his breathing coming through the line slow and steady. Moments later Calum’s moans reach the phone, Michael giggling in the distance.

“Have a great birthday Jess,” Ashton says in a rush, hanging up. I hang up quickly, pocketing the cell phone in my jeans.

“Those two need to calm down,” Luke mutters, draining the last of hi coffee. “They’ve been married for almost three years and have been fucking since they were seventeen.” I toss crumbs at Luke, making him shut up. He rolls his eyes fondly, catching my lips with his.

“Happy twenty fifth my love.”

-

We walk into Chanel, sliding our sunglasses up on our heads. The first part of Luke’s plan was shopping and so far I had two pairs of Louboutin heels, an YSL purse, a necklace from Tiffany’s and rings from Cartier. This was all too much, each store left me in awe. The way the sales ladies would hand us champagne and leave us racks of clothing and accessories.

It only takes minutes for me to find what I want, a small black clutch with a silver chain and matching sunglasses. Luke gets me to try on several outfits, but in the end only the clutch and sunglasses go into the sleek black box.

At Armani Luke insists I buy two of the dresses I try on, a tight grey sweetheart dress and a looser black halter slip dress. I also toss in twin watches, diamonds sparkling around the rim.

“That’s it, I’m done,” I pant, taking my phone out of jeans. It’s nearly dinner time, the stores around us starting to close up.

Luke laughs, weighing the bags in his hands. “I think we’ve done enough damage.”

“Can we freaking eat?” I mutter, shoving the bags into the town car we’ve rented. Luke laughs loudly, opening the car door.

“Hurry up and get in then.”

 

We’re walking past the Eiffel Tower late into the night, working off the crepes and brioches we had bought after dinner. The night is quiet. Few people are milling about the park, a few lovers lazily watching the stars.

“Jessie,” Luke murmurs, taking me into his arms. “Look over there for a moment.”

I look over the bank of the river just as the first of the fireworks go off, painting the night in different colors. I hear the snap of the camera and as I turn the Polaroid goes off, catching me off guard.

“Did you do this, for me?” I whisper watching more of the fireworks shoot off. People have gathered now, watching some of the fireworks form hearts.

“Yep,” Luke answers, kissing me lightly. I lean against his chest, at awe at the colorful lights dancing in the sky.

“I love you, I wanted you to have the best birthday.”

“I love you too, thank you so much babe,” I murmur kissing him deeply.

This had to be the best way to celebrate my twenty-fifth birthday. I only longed for my friends, my adopted family that should’ve been here next to me watching the fireworks go off. For now I was happy to be with Luke, content in his arms as the last of the fireworks went off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips tea* so who's been keeping up with the drama...   
> Thank you to everyone who has been reading this :) feel free to leave comments/kudos


	10. To The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life begins to quiet down for Luke and Jessie, but as Luke talks about the future Jessie realizes that you don't stop living in the fast lane.

**July**

 

I’m in the kitchen bundled up in sweaters with a beanie on my head. Mops sits at feet shivering while I try to get the stove going. The fireplace is on, orange and red flames leaping out. There’s blankets spread out on the couches and the wind howls outside shrill and loud.

I get the stove going, lugging a pot on top. Thank god for gas stoves! The backdoor slams open, revealing a shivering Luke. He strides in, locking the door hurriedly. He comes over to me, wrapping his arms around me and sticking his nose on my neck. I squeal, flinching away from him.

“You’re freezing go warm up,” I complain, pointing to the fireplace. Luke rolls his eyes dropping a kiss on my forehead.

“So the heating is out,” Luke begins, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders. “Jesus it’s so cold this year.” I nod, agreeing. It was a cold winter this year and I guess our house just couldn’t take it.  I start making a stew, warm food would be the only thing keeping us warm tonight.

“When is the heating getting fixed?” I huffed, stirring in carrots and potatoes. Luke chews his lip for a second thinking it over.

“In like two days.”

“Great,” I mutter, staring down at Mops who is curled tightly around my feet. Luke comes over and picks her up, cradling the puppy to his chest. She stops shivering, nosing her way up his chest. Luke gives me a weak smile, shrugging. It’s not his fault the heating failed, I repeat over in my head watching the stew bubble. It was just too damn cold.

When bedtime comes, we cuddle close on the air mattress we set up near the fireplace, a pile of blankets and about three plug in heaters surrounding us. I make Mops and a little nest, using a thick blanket to keep her warm. I curl around Luke who’s giving off enough body heat to make up for my lack of. The fire is dying next to us, lit up by only a few stubborn embers. I wrap my blanket close to me, digging socked feet into Luke’s calves.

He hums that wordless song again, lulling me to sleep. I smile against his chest, he had thought up his own personal lullaby for me. It does the trick, shifting my thoughts over from the cold nipping at my nose and feet to the warmth spreading from Luke to me. I finally fall into a deep dreamless sleep.

-

A week later the heating is fixed and I place a cupcake down on the bedside table next to Luke. Mops is curled up on Luke’s legs. My husband has a hand tossed over his face, light snores coming out from underneath. He look so peaceful like this, his brow crease free. I have to remember he’s lived with a lot of guilt on his shoulders, something I hate to admit I use against him sometimes.

I kiss his shoulder lightly, sitting at the edge of the bed. “Luke wake up.” I shake his arm, stirring Mops awake instead. I pick her up and place her gently on Luke’s chest, Mops quickly licking at his arm and face.

“What the hell Mops?” he groans, finally opening his eyes. His eyes meet mine, the sleep leaving those tired eyes.

“Happy birthday my love,” I say quietly, the morning too peaceful to disturb. I grab the cupcake, lighting the single candle on it. “Make a wish.”

Luke smiles at me for a moment before closing his eyes and blowing out the candle. He takes a bite out of it, moaning dramatically. “Did you bake this?”

I nod, laughing. “Yeah, there’s two dozen more downstairs, but they’re for later.”

Luke pouts, dragging me closer to him. “How dare you hold out on me.” He presses his lips to mine, leaving a trace of cherry flavored icing mixed with morning breath. I pull a face, wiping the frosting off. He giggles at me, leaning in for another kiss.

I stick my tongue out at him, letting Mops lick up at his face catching the corner of his mouth. “Mops!” He frowns, grossing out. We both look at the small puppy in our bed, wagging her tail furiously. I break off a piece of the cupcake and feed it to her, ignoring the look Luke shoots my way.

“It’s your birthday she deserves in on the fun.”

“Exactly my birthday,” Luke says, leaning back against the pillows. “I really don’t want to do anything for my birthday.”

“Too late,” I quip, standing up. I start making my way to the door, leaving Luke cuddling with Mops. “I’ve already planned a dinner for tonight.” Luke groans loudly, pulling the sheets over his head. Child.

 

 

I hold the dinner at my restaurant. Ashton and Bryana come along with Luke’s parents and brothers, a small wrapped present in Bry’s hands. I closed the restaurant early for this, the only people in the building are just us, the chef, and two waiters. I had promised them overtime, bribing them with dinner.

“Where’s Cal and Mike?” Ashton asks, pulling away from our hug.

“They couldn’t make it,” I shrug, hugging Bryana. “Something about starting foster care for their daughter.”

“I think that’s so wonderful, how they’re finally getting their daughter,” Bryana admonishes, placing a hand over her heart. “After so many rejections and struggles, I’m surprised they’re still together.”

I quirk my eyebrows at her, sending a pointed look to Ashton. He chuckles lowly, pulling her to his side. “Bry it almost tore them apart, it’s not something to talk about lightly.”

She pouts, moving a lock of hair out of Ashton’s face. “I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just I guess they really are made for each other. Any other couple wouldn’t be able to handle that type of stress.” Ashton gives her a worried look, Bryana’s expression hinting something more.

I clear my throat, breaking up whatever silent conversation they were having. “Well I guess it’s a good thing Calum and Michael are basically soulmates.” We all nod, agreeing to the special bond only they seemed to have out of our group.

We take our seats after that, the tight energy in the room loosening up with every joke Luke tells and every story Ashton throws back. Everyone enjoys the night, clinking glasses together and eating barbecue happily.

I bring the cupcakes out personally, candles stuck on the outside corners. Ashton helps me light them up, cupping his hands over the wick to make sure the flame doesn’t go out. I glance at Luke, deep in conversation with his mom, his cup of coffee tight in his hands. Liz shoots me a tight smile, directing Luke’s gaze back at me.

I cough, trying to speak up. “Well I guess it is time to sing happy birthday.”

“Happy twenty fourth birthday Lucas!” Jack calls, reaching over to slap Luke on the shoulder. He cringes a slight blush taking over his features.

“You’re getting old,” Ben calls happily, smiling widely. I laugh quietly, letting Ashton start the count in to the song.

 

Later on in the night, back in the comfort of our bed I give Luke another birthday present.

-

 A few days later the phone rings, making me stumble out of bed and reaching for my cell. Luke grumbles in his sleep, reaching for a pillow to hug.

“What the hell Ashton,” I mutter groggily. I try to wipe the sleep from my eyes, sitting back on the bed. “It’s four in the morning.”

Ashton laughs, “Well time for you to get up anyways. I have a problem.”

“What?” I groan, sliding back under the covers.

“Well Bry and I went out for a jog last night and found the cutest dog,” He starts, going off about how the dog was so scared of him but Bryana managed to coax it out of the bush it was hiding in. “Anyways, long story short, I just remembered Bry’s landowner doesn’t allow pets so we kinda need to give him a home.”

“Send it to Calum,” I mumble, already dozing off. Luke mumbles something incoherent, pointing at the phone in my hands.

“I would, but it would be easier to give it to you.”

“Already have dog,” I mutter, fixing my pillow.

“So that’s a yes?’

“Mhmm,” I hang up the phone, already falling back to sleep.

 

“What is that Ashton?” Luke queries, pointing to the matted mess of a dog in his hands. Ashton looks between me and Luke, confused.

“I’m bringing you the dog,” he states, setting larger puppy on the floor. “Jessie said she wanted it.”

“I don’t remember saying that,” I say quickly, looking at Luke. He stares at the dog confused himself. “Come on, eat breakfast with us Ash.” Ashton gives a little cheer, making his way to the kitchen.

After breakfast we sit around drinking coffee at the table. Mops running around outside with the new dog. I watch them for a minute both of them getting on well. “What is he?”

“A mutt,” Ashton shrugs. “I don’t know, I’m not Calum.” Luke rolls his eyes, taking a sip of his coffee. They had decided on heading out to the studio today, to record some things that had been on their minds lately. I had to open up shop in about two hours. I laugh, swatting his arm.

We sit in silence a little longer, watching the two puppies play around in the grass, Mops is clearly the leader the other one following along for the adventure. “How have you been Ash? Everything good?”

He gives a thin smile, gripping his coffee cup. “Yeah, I mean there’s still the anxiety. Always watching how much I can drink, making sure I don’t run out of meds.” He shrugs, that was his life now a constant worry. “Bry helps a lot, keeps me sane when the boys or you can’t. There’s bad days and good days, it’s just always trying to find the good even in a bad day.”

I take his hand holding it tightly, “You are so strong and I am so proud of you.” He gives me a bright smile, pressing his lips to my temple quickly. Luke pouts, giving sad eyes to Ashton. Ashton laughs, nudging Luke’s cheek with his nose.

I look back at the puppies fighting in the dirt, “We’re naming him Paz.” Luke groans, slumping back in his seat.

“No send him to Calum.”

“Calum has two pets already,” I giggle, “Mops could use a friend.” Luke nods, checking his phone.

“Okay, that’s your baby. Ash we got to go.” The two blondes stand up, gathering their things. Luke kisses me quickly, bounding up the stairs to brush his teeth.

“Have fun,” I call out, Ashton giving me a wave.

-

The end of July comes around with a thunderstorm. Mops and Paz hide under our bed while Luke and I watch a movie. The rain hits the windows hard, peeks of lightning showing from where the curtains didn’t cover the windows.

So far Luke and Ashton have been in the studio almost every day, working on little projects that leaves Luke holed up in the self-made studio that was our garage. He comes to bed every night scribbling words down in his journal, joking about how he and Ashton finally want to put together an acoustic album. He’s not joking. I encourage them, letting them sing old songs back to me and making sure they eat and drink enough water.

Tonight Luke seems to only want to talk about the future, laying on his side, not paying attention at all to the movie. He talks about going on tour again, visit the last few places they haven’t been to in the world. He claims he wants to bring me along so I can see the world next to him. I laugh and roll my eyes. I had seen enough of the world already, I was content to be here in Sydney.

“It’s just, I don’t feel as if the band ended on a high enough note.” He starts up again tracing circles into my hip bone. “Think about it, we release this acoustic album then go on another tour. But we announce it as the final tour, so we can all retire happily. Then we release one last album, I’m pretty sure Calum and Michael are going stir crazy, just writing chords and lyrics down.”

I press my fingers to his lips quieting him. I pause the movie, finally turning towards him. “Whoa, what you’re planning here, are you sure? You really want to retire?” I mull the idea over in my head; we were all getting older, the fans were getting older. The band had been together for nearly eleven years now, longer than any other band of our generation and the previous.

“Yeah, Ashton and I were talking about earlier today,” Luke says softly, “It makes sense, we could focus more on running the label so you wouldn’t have to. I mean at any given time we could always put out new music, play festivals and shit.” Perks of being your own boss, I think smugly. “But I think it’s time to focus on our private lives a little more now, push the band to the back.”

“It would give me the time to open up another restaurant,” I mutter, ideas already spinning in my head. I could also finish up my masters instead of holding conference calls for the boys. I can see the ideas spin in Luke’s head, I had a feeling he already had this tour planned out.

“Exactly! And then Cal and Mikey have their daughter to think about now,” Luke say more seriously, nudging the topic into something I had been avoiding. I look down at my hands, playing with the edge of my shirt.

“Jess?” I glance up at him and take a long breath. “Do you want to have kids? You’re always avoiding the subject, just tell me please so I don’t get my hopes up.”

I let out my breath, lacing my fingers with his. I take my time to think over the answer, weighing every pro and con and dissecting my own feelings. I add in Luke’s feelings, lord knows if it had been up to him I would already be pregnant, I look ahead at my own future if I could balance my work load with raising a family.

“Not now, no. In a few years maybe,” I say slowly. “I want to build my own life Luke, you’ve already gotten to do that, let me have that chance.” Luke nods, kissing my fingertips. “We’re still so young, we don’t have to rush anything, let’s just enjoy life.”

Luke nods again, pulling me to his chest. I can feel his heart beating fast, nervous and scared I would say something he didn’t like. “Okay, we wait then.”

“Thank you,” I murmur a weight I didn’t know was there being taken off my shoulders.

He starts talking again about the band, deciding where this tour would kick off, how many shows they could squeeze into seven months. I perk up, listening to him talk, adding in other factors as well. I make sure he brings Calum and Michael’s daughter on tour, making sure they get enough promo in. I stop him when he starts dialing their number, chiding him about time zones and sleep schedules.

He finally falls asleep against my chest, still muttering about the future. I mull over the idea of opening another restaurant, where I would open it, if I should change the menu. I leave it all for another day, settling Mops on the bed while Paz curls up in the bed Luke bought him. I smile to myself, clicking off the lights. I couldn’t wait to see what the coming months would bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly just a filler here :)


	11. London Snowstorms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group goes to London for Christmas and battles colds, snowstorms, and Luke's crazy ideas. Jessie helps Ashton pick out a ring and Michael and Calum are good parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda want to get this fic finished up so I can work on When the Odds are Stacked and others, so I'll probably be posting this one faster since it's all written out. Again thank you to everyone who reads this.

**December**

 

“What do you say about going to London for Christmas?” Luke bursts into the restaurant talking loudly, making the afternoon customers turn their heads around. I give a thin smile to the people sitting at the bar, waving Kevin over.

“I hired you for a reason, don’t disappoint me,” I tease, watching my former co-worker now bartender roll his eyes. I leave him mixing drinks, waving Luke over to my small office at the back. He strides over, saying hello to a few fans and the workers he knows by name.

When he’s in the office I close the door quietly, perching on top of the desk. “I’d say we should stay here and follow tradition.” Luke chews on his lip for a second before letting out what was on his mind. He tells me how he got the band a free trip to London for Christmas week, all they had to do was promote some app and website, while staying at some fancy mansion resort thing. Plus we got free stuff, as he cheekily added.

“I sort of already accepted the offer,” He says quietly. Something in my face must tip him off on my thoughts and mood because he rushes to finishes, blushing. “It was too good of an offer to turn down, come on Jess you keep saying you want to go to London.” I sigh, putting my head in my hands.

“Ashton already agreed.”

“Of course Ashton would agree, he doesn’t have a restaurant to run nor does he have a one year old to raise,” I say slowly, thinking about Calum and Michael. “You should be at the office right now by the way.”

“Details,” Luke scoffs, “Think about it. We get a private plane and everything else I mentioned.” I groan still giving him a kiss when he bends over. That was a low blow, I could never say no to a private jet.

“Do you think if I ask nicely, Calum would say yes?” I snort, shaking my head as he walks out the door. Calum was being the perfect parent recently, always worrying over his daughter. It would take a miracle to convince Calum to on vacation.

*

A week later and I find myself joining Ashton for our morning run, one headphone in while I listen to him talk about a camping trip he and Bryana took over the weekend. He talks so lovingly of her, I can’t help but smile. I was so happy he found her when he did, they were the perfect pair. Two high energy blondes with a passion for nature and rock music.

We round a corner, sweat starting to drip down my forehead. “So I was thinking of proposing to her.” Ashton says randomly, making me stop in my tracks.

“What? Did I hear that right?” I shout, taking out my headphone. Ashton chuckles, nodding his head. I lean down on my legs, sucking in air as I processed the thought.

“About damn time,” I squeal running into Ashton’s arms. We hug not caring about how much we’re sweating and possibly stink.

“I know I know, but I’m ready now,” Ashton says laughing. He had always told me he didn’t think anyone would want him. When he got with Bryana he was always asking me when she would stop looking at him as if he hung the moon personally. I had replied because she knows you can only build her cathedrals instead. Still magnificent but on a less grand scale. He had stopped voicing those dark thoughts lately, he opted instead of sweeping her off her feet while she helped him grow. Now he was all smiles and positive attitudes.

“When are you going to ask her?” I ask, starting to run again, he falls in step easily pushing blonde hair off his brow.

“When we’re in London, maybe Christmas eve.” We stop talking for a few minutes too focused on our run and breathing to utter more than a few curse words.

When we reach my house again and I’m still sucking in air, my lungs burning like hell itself, Ashton speaks up again. “Will you help me pick out a ring?”

“Sure,” I reply still struggling for breath. “Inside… come on… we can shower.”

“Now Mrs. Hemmings are you suggesting what I think you are?” Ashton teases already jogging up the front steps of the porch.

“Fuck off Ash,” I manage. “You’re getting Luke’s old clothes just for that.” He laughs loudly, walking into my house and heading towards the kitchen to make us protein shakes. I smile walking after him, all we needed was Calum teasing the both us because we both know he would’ve out ran us and already have the shakes waiting when we finally drag our asses into the kitchen.

 

 

Five excruciating hours later Ashton finally settles on a ring. Its slender rose gold, with an emerald cut diamond on it and two smaller rectangular diamonds on either side of the six karat stone. I twist my own engagement band, happy Luke didn’t buy such a big stone but chose a simple one karat one instead. The ring looked heavy, I could just imagine Bryana taking vitals with such a ring.

She would love it.

*

Two nights before we leave for London Luke barges into our room, startling Paz and Mops and scaring the absolute shit out of me. I mute the t.v warily watching Luke as he jumps into bed with notebooks and spreadsheets.

“You really sure you want to spring this on them?” I ask pulling Mops against my chest. I glance back down at the statements and checklist, seeing almost everything checked off except for ‘opening act’ and ‘convince band to go on tour.’ The former was the one I most concerned with. My stubborn husband had gone around the boys back these past four months putting together another world tour and had amazingly pulled it off.

Venues we’re chosen and sealed, tickets would go on sale in two weeks, sponsors and promoters on board for anything the band chose. Luke had managed to book hotels and buses already, and nab new instruments for everyone. He literally just needed the members of his own band to agree to go on tour.

“Of course, why wouldn’t they say yes?” I bite my tongue, swallowing my sarcastic remark. “And we can record the acoustic album on the road.” I roll my eyes, and dig into the paperwork. I knew this was why he brought it upstairs, so I could review the ticket stubs, stage design, and schedule in interviews.

“You know you could hire people to do these things,” I mutter, chewing on a pen. “That’s why you have your own label and studio.” I hated when he brought home workloads like these, it just stressed us out entirely. I didn’t see why he couldn’t hire a few people actually qualified to run these things. I just had a business degree and a few computer certificates.

“I will,” he sighs, pinching my thigh. “As soon as Calum gets the L.A offices set up and renovated.” I groaned, flopping back onto the pillows. I had a love hate relationship those two being business partners. One on hand they worked well together, they we’re excellent business men. On the other hand, they were both stupidly stubborn and always ready to throw a punch at each other. I made a mental note to check in with Calum on that.

“So you ready to go on tour again?” I ask, letting the sarcasm drip from my voice like venom.

*

**London**

We land in London all too quickly, Calum in a bad mood while Michael and I share tissues as we catch a cold. Luke seems unfazed by it all, snapping a picture of all us on the plane to post to whatever app we’re promoting.

“Do you know the strings I had to pull to get Nadya a passport so quickly?” He snaps at Luke, their hushed voices raising. I ignore the children of my life in favor of burying myself in one of Michael’s hoodies and tying the laces tight. He gives a weak giggle, shrugging on his coat and managing to slip on a beanie over Nadya’s head. I couldn’t help but coo over the little girl. I was absolutely enamored with her already, I was ready to spoil her rotten.

Ashton rolls his eyes passing by Calum and Luke and peeking his head out the plane. “Luke did you set up a pap walk?”

“Yeah why?” Luke answers sheepishly.

“You fucking did what?” Michael shouts, making Nadya cry. Calum gives him a death glare muttering something along the lines of “Watch your language,” trying to calm Nadya down again. Michael slides on shades, pulling on his own beanie. I make a note to avoid Calum for the rest of the day and yell at Luke about not informing us on the day’s events.

Bryana seems like the only one excited for the pap walk, applying makeup hurriedly to her face and pulling her hair up into a bun. She was even dressed for the occasion in skinny jeans, a soft sweater and heeled boots. I let out a sigh, pulling on my own shades and missing my dogs.

“You’re buying us drinks tonight mate,” Ashton says tiredly, plastering on his best fake smile to greet the mass of cameras and fans. For a moment even I’m fooled into thinking he’s refreshed and excited, ready to take on the paparazzi. He ducks out of the plane, giving Luke the finger on the way out. Snow flurries rush in, hinting at the oncoming storm. Already I could see the sky darkening, turning grey and angry. 

“Let’s go before they mob Ashton,” Michael grumbles, dragging me out the plane and into the snowy cold.

-

At the mansion we’re staying at we find Mali curled up on one of the plush red couches in the living room, reading a book. She’s too absorbed in her own world, not hearing our group shuffle into the hallway. Calum doesn’t see her either, too busy unwrapping the layers of clothing off of Nadya to notice. I hadn’t even known that Luke had invited Mali along, I feel myself smile widely, warming up to this vacation by just having a close friend here.

I walk over to Calum taking his daughter out of his arms and pointing to the living room. “There’s a surprise for you.” I whisper in his ear, Nadya resting her head on my shoulder. Calum glances over me, trying to see what his surprise was. “Go.” I say pushing him slightly. He pouts walking quickly into the living room.

“Mali-Koa!”

“Calum!” The rest of us find our way into the living room finding Mali and Calum on the floor hugging it out. She lifts her head smiling up at all of us and I realize how much I’ve missed her as well. I haven’t seen her in a long time.

The older woman untangles herself from Calum rushing over to give Michael a tight hug, kissing him on the cheek. “Where’s my niece?” she squeals, looking around the room. Michael points to me and Mali comes bounding over out of breath. I shift Nadya around, letting Mali scoop her out of my arms.

“Adorable!” She exclaims, taking her over to Calum. I feel Luke press against my back, wrapping an arm around my waist.

“Still think this was a bad idea?” He whispers in my ear, pressing feather light kisses to my neck. I snort, watching everyone get comfortable in the large living room. Michael already dragging Ashton to help set up the oversized t.v and Calum tugging on the curtains to hide the snowstorm outside. The wind howls outside and I can't help but feel like it's foreshadowing something, making me wrap my arms tighter around myself.

“We’ll see.”

-

Christmas Eve rolls around and I find myself secluded off to one corner of the living room with Michael thanks to our persistent colds while Calum and Mali fuss over Nadya. “Can my husband at least bring us hot chocolate?” Michael calls out falling into a coughing fit.

“Ditto,” I sigh, giving Luke a mock glare. He just smiles at me, recording a short video that does not include Michael and me. Finally Ashton walks over with the hot liquid, chuckling lowly at the sight of Michael and I sharing a few blankets and bickering over our lack of attention.

I grab my mug, settling further back into the couch. Ashton winks at me and pats his front pocket, his stretched out sweater covering the obvious. I giggle despite the pain flaring in my throat and give him a thumbs up. “What’s happening?” Michael grinds out, clearing his throat more than once. I give him a smile and pat his thigh.

 

A few hours pass and everyone gets comfortable around the tree, a Disney movie on to keep Nadya occupied while Mali shows Calum how to braid the little girl’s thick hair. I smile at them wishing my phone was within reach to snap a picture. “Did you really have to dress her in such a poufy dress?” I whisper hoarsely staring down the plaid blue and grey dress Nadya had on.

“Calum’s idea not mine,” Michael grumbles, taking a sip of his hot chocolate. “I wanted to put her in leggings and a jumper, but no—“ Michael gets cut off by his own sneezing covering his face with his palm. If I could laugh, I would.

I watch Luke and Ashton play cards in front of me, sipping cider while Bryana paints her nails daintily. I give a cough getting Ashton to look at me. I give him a look, glancing between him and Bryana. He smiles holding a hand up.

“Hey guys why don’t all open at least one gift? Like we do back at the beach house,” Ashton sits up straighter, glancing to the tree in the corner spilling with wrapped gifts and cards.

“Yeah let’s do that!” Mali chirps, tying off the braid she was working on and crawling to the tree. We all follow suit except for Michael and I, Calum sending us back to the couch if we even scooted forward a few inches. Mali starts handing out gifts, bringing over a small rectangle present for Michael and a box with the word Hermes on it. I gasp, covering my mouth before I fall into a coughing fit.

“Luke—“ I start but Luke just shakes his head, pointing to Ashton.

“It’s from me,” Ashton clarifies smiling widely. “For being a great friend recently.” I smile down at the box balancing it close to my chest. He really didn’t have to get me such an expensive bag if what I assumed that was what was in the box.

“Um, I want to go first,” Ashton speaks up, standing in the middle of the room. He raises his mug of cider. “Though it’s not my present, its one I’m giving to Bry.” I try to hide my excitement behind Michael, pressing my face into his back. Michael glances at me, then to Bryana slowly putting the pieces together.

“Jessie is Ashton about to do what I think he is?” He murmurs, sitting up straighter. I nod focusing back on the couple in front of me. He giggles excitedly, breaking off into a coughing fit that sounds strangely like ‘about time.’

“So Bry, why don’t you open this first,” Ashton says quietly, taking the gift I recognize as mine from her hands and dropping the small black box in her hands. Bryana smiles up at him, her cheeks turning bright red. Ashton quickly gets down to one knee, clasping his hands around her small ones.

“Bryana I love you more than anything in this world right now, and I can’t imagine you not being by my side,” Ashton starts, speaking louder so everyone in the room can hear. “You’ve been there for me throughout it all and have still stayed with me. You’ve become my best friend and partner in crime, you’ve become my home in so many ways.” Ashton takes a deep breath, reaching out to touch the older girl’s cheek softly. “If you’ll let me I would love to make you my wife—“ He opens up the box revealing the ring we had chosen out.

Bryana lets out a gasp, tackling Ashton into a hug. She’s starts peppering kisses on his cheeks, clutching his face in her hands. “Yes! Yes, a million times over!” She squeals, resting back on her legs.

“So you’ll marry me?” Ashton whispers, taking the ring out of the box. Bryana rolls her eyes but nods, kissing Ashton firmly on the mouth. It’s enough for my friend as he slides the ring on the appropriate finger, kissing her knuckles.

They stare at each hungrily making no move to break apart from each other. “Saps!” Michael yells out, breaking the moment. I punch him on his shoulder, but he’s smiling, looking at his friend fondly. I can tell he’s twisting his own wedding band, across the room Calum does the same.

“Michael you cried when I proposed to you,” the brunette yells, laughing.

“Only because you beat me to it,” Michael rolls his eyes giving me an exasperated look. I giggle, turning back to my friends. Luke walks over to me, kissing me deeply. “I still proposed didn’t I?” Calum nods solemnly, fingering his engagement ring from where it hangs around his neck. 

“What was that for?” I mutter.

“Just because,” he says sitting on the armrest.

 I watch Calum walk over to Michael, too, settling himself in his husbands lap and kissing him passionately as well. “I love you.” Calum mutters making Michael drag him down into another heated kiss.

Only Mali is left alone, under the tree, pecking a kiss to Nadya’s cheek. In this room full of romantic love she managed to find another route. I sigh, leaning my head against Luke’s side. This Christmas had to be the most loved up one.

-

Two days after Christmas Luke makes us all have breakfast in the extravagant dining room. We sit aimlessly around the massive oak table, Ashton and Calum studying the very real art hung up on the walls. I stare at a Kabuki mask, my tired eyes straining to make out the pattern. I settle for pouring myself a cup of coffee and sitting down next to Mali and Nadya. She’s still in her pj’s eyeliner smudged around her eyes. Nayda is currently wrapped loosely in a blanket her purple and blue striped onesie peeking through.

“Me and Bry wanted to go out for lunch and shop around, you in?” Mali whispers tiredly to me, trying to spoon some food into Nadya’s mouth. I glance around the room which Bryana is currently entering her cream colored robe tied tightly around her waist and engagement ring on her finger.

I nod, watching Michael come in half asleep and with dark circles under his eyes. “What the fuck is Luke doing waking us all up at six in the bloody morning?” he grumbles, kissing Calum’s cheek and switching over to dad mode, hoisting Nadya onto his hip and giving the teething baby cheerios to munch on instead of the mush Mali was feeding her.

At that same moment Luke walks in, notebooks and very familiar spreadsheets tucked under his arm. _Oh, hell no_. I let my head fall onto the table, banging it slightly and earning laughs from Mali and Michael. “Luke…” I groan, now was not the time for that conversation.

Luke ignores me in favor of spreading the papers around and even unrolling a goddamn chart. I can only watch hoping Ashton puts a stop to this nonsense before Luke can open his mouth. Seriously we hadn’t even had some form of caffeine in our systems and he was doing this?

“Luke what is that?” Ashton questions warily staring at the stacks of paperwork.

“What do you guys say about going on tour one more time?” Luke poses the question dramatically, making a circle with his hands.

It takes ten seconds for the question to sink in and about five seconds for it to go to absolute shit.

-

“Jessie talk to them please,” Luke pleads watching me whirl around our large room as I try to find my bag. I stop dead in the middle of the room, placing a hand on my hip.

“Your band, you deal with it after we come back.” I scold finding my bag in Luke’s hand. I snatch it quickly giving Luke a kiss on the cheek. Of course the boys had shot down the idea right away, it had been too early and none of us had been awake long enough to listen to Luke’s reasoning. Then Calum had gotten worked up, and now I found myself taking everyone out into the city. This was not the way I wanted to explore London.

“Why can’t I go?” Luke pouts following me out the room. I hurry down the grand stairs liking the way my boots clacked against the light wood.

“Because you almost got beaten up by your own bandmates, lets not push it babe,” I say quietly letting him help me pull on my dark brown coat. “You’ll be joining us for lunch anyways just give me two hours to calm them down.” Luke sighs finally letting me go and opening up the front door. I scurry out winding the burgundy scarf Mali had gotten me around my neck. I hasten into the sleek car that Ashton and Bryana are in and suck in a deep breath. Mali, Calum, Michael, and Nadya were in the shiny black SUV in front of us, ready to take off.

“Ready to go?” Bryana asks staring at me through the rearview mirror. I nod and the cars take off leaving me to convince the boys to go on tour again.

-

Late into the evening we gather around the living again, enjoying hard cider and pumpkin pie. Everyone has finally calmed down and the boys are going over all of Luke’s paperwork, humming here and there and scratching out things and re-writing where they see fit. Luke talks quietly among them, explaining all the details and going over how he had planned everything. Us girls sit back letting them worry over it and gossip quietly, Nadya playing with some toy cars and a rag doll between us.

Ashton is the first to agree to it, saying they sell the tickets discounted because of the holidays; if they push the start date to the end of February, beginning of March. Luke claps dragging him into a hug and looking expectedly at Michael and Calum.

The spouses share a long look, Calum frowning deep and Michael quirking up his eyebrow. It’s a conversation for only them to know. Calum finally glances at Nadya and shakes his head. Michael sighs and goes over to their daughter, picking her up gently and sitting down next to Calum.

“I still can’t believe you pulled this off behind our backs,” Calum says looking down at his hands, still lost in thought. “And still thought we would agree so easily.”

“I know and I am sorry,” Luke allows, “But come on even you know this is too good to pass by.”

I watch Calum let out a humorless laugh, shaking his head again. Michael shakes his head as well, leaning his head on Calum’s shoulder. I feel for them both and I feel for Luke too. Michael and Calum had their daughter to think about now, stuck in the middle of youth and parenthood I could tell Michael wanted to go on tour but not without Calum and his daughter. Luke was naïve to it all, still seeing his band as teenagers. He didn’t understand the fear and protectiveness running through Michael and Calum.

“What about Nadya?” Michael questions roughly, setting the girl in Calum’s lap.

“She can come on tour,” Luke says excitedly, “It’ll be fun.”

“Hold on,” Calum drawls, “Who will watch her when we can’t?” I watch the scene play out from the couch, sipping at my cider. I’d let it go on for a little longer.  

“Just hire a nanny,” Luke exasperates, throwing his hands in the air. “Problem solved.”

“It’s not that simple Luke,” Calum says irate, clutching Nadya closer to him. He was starting to turn into over protective Calum by the second. “I’m not letting Nadya no more than five feet from me.”

“Calum come on, you can hire the best nanny in world. Nadya will be fine,” Luke says turning to me for help. I shake my head quickly, this was his grand idea he would convince Calum and Michael to go on tour on his own.

“You don’t understand Luke, god.” Michael runs a hand over his face looking tired. “You won’t freaking understand until you have a kid of your own. We can’t just drop everything and leave like we used to and now you’re saying you want to go on tour in two months?”

In all honestly I agreed with Michael and Calum. A one year old shouldn’t be on a world tour just yet. Give it another year, I silently beg Luke, staring daggers into the back of his head. But my husband was stubborn and he wasn’t giving up that easily.

“When you have a kid your whole world is put into a different perspective,” Calum say lowly, jaw clenching. “You’re life doesn’t matter anymore, theirs does. They’re the center of your world! You won’t or don’t understand Luke, we’re not teenagers anymore. Michael and I are parents and we have to think about Nadya first.” He stands up abruptly, Nadya balanced on his hip, and walks out the dining room.

I stand up, glaring at Luke and pat Michael on the shoulder. “I talk to him Mike.” I whisper, heading out to find Calum. I leave Luke and Michael arguing in the room, Mali trying to get the two of them to calm down.

I find Calum in the drawing room, the bare room sparsely decorated with a piano and two chairs. He stands by the window chest heaving and Nadya wailing against his chest. I knock on the piano letting him know I was there. “Cal give me Nadya,” I say lowly, walking up to him slowly.

“No,” he grits out, pulling the baby closer to his chest. She lets out another cry, a tiny fist beating against his shoulder.

“You’re scaring her Calum, give me Nadya,” I say sharply finally getting Calum to stare down at his child. He blinks twice, breathing still uneven but he passes her over to me. I quickly sooth her, letting her play with my watch. “Talk to me Cal, take a deep breath.” He takes a few deep breaths, letting each one out slowly until he’s calmed down.

He lets himself slump against the wall and I follow suit, letting Nadya sit between my legs. “Sorry, I think I panicked.” I shush him, rubbing his shoulder methodically. He wipes his eyes and lets out a hysterical laugh before closing his eyes.

“It’s normal to panic,” I reason, trying to remember how my aunt was when Jade had been born. She wouldn’t let seven year old me anywhere near the new born at all until my mother had talked to her. It was a stark difference to how she had raised my nephews, letting Jade feed them and change them, letting the one and three year old play outside in the mud without worrying about germs. “She’s your first child and you want to be the perfect parent and keep her as close to you as you can and not let anyone else near her, right?”

Calum nods and it fuels me on. “Now I agree that taking a one year old on tour is a bit too soon, but she’ll be with you, constantly even if it doesn’t seem like it. And you as a parent need to learn that giving her a little wiggle room isn’t the end of the world.” I say softly watching Nadya stumble over to her dad. Calum smiles, letting her wiggle into his lap.

“She’ll be closer to two than to one,” I add figuring out the timeline in my head.

“What if something happens to her and I’m on stage or something,” Calum whispers, his voice cracking.

I think it over, trying to find the right words for it, “You can’t blame yourself but you can curse the world for letting it happen.” Calum nods again and I stand ready to leave him with his thoughts.

“Whatever you decide, whether to go on tour or not, I’ll be in your corner but I’ll also be in Luke’s,” I say quietly, glancing down and father and daughter. Calum nods again running his fingers through Nadya’s hair. How long could I defend both my husband and best friend?

“Can you tell Mikey to come over here?” I leave the room quietly and call out to Michael, walking into the living room.

“Your husband wants you,” I say when Michael meets my eyes, as soon as the words leave my mouth he’s bolting out the room looking for Calum.

 

 

An hour later leaves just me, Luke, and Ashton in the living room making bets on what Calum and Michael will agree on. Luke looks nervous, chewing on his lip while he plays with the papers in front of him. I’m about to give in and go to bed myself when the two walk back in the room, Nadya asleep in Michael’s arms.

Calum levels Luke with a look and places his hands on his hips. “We have a few conditions but…“ he trails off looking over at Michael.

Michael smiles widely, “Looks like we’re going back on tour.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit hits the fan in the next chapter because I like to write dramatic and painful stories :) *runs away and hides*


	12. Break Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all comes out in the wash, or in this case on the news. When Jessie and Luke's relationship hits a breaking point does she choose to stay or to walk away from it all... again? How does one deal with having their heart shattered and soul ripped apart?

**February**

Three voicemails. I had left three voicemails, ten texts, and at least one email. Luke hadn’t replied to anything and I didn’t dare go on any media outlet right now. My stress levels too high to be scared by a few magazines and fans starting rumors. Yet the unsettling feeling in my chest seemed to get stronger with each passing day. I trusted that Luke was busy putting together the show, being honest with the few texts I did receive in January saying that practices and meetings were becoming messy.

 

Tonight though I just wouldn’t take no for an answer as I dialed his number again, fed up. It was late and I wanted to talk to my husband, worried out of my mind and thinking the worst.  

He picks up, laughing at something and a distinct female’s giggle making its way to my ear. “Busy, Luke?” I ask sweetly, feigning ignorance.

“A little yeah babe,” he says sounding out of breath. “I went to pick up lunch for me and the guys and now I’m running late.” I can hear the girl’s voice again, sounding closer, and Luke’s own hushed voice telling her something. _What the hell?_

“Who’s that Luke?” I demand. “A tour manager, stylist?” Luke’s quiet on the other line, the only noise coming from the background, I assume he’s back at the practice venue. I didn’t appreciate being lied to, right now. I tell him that and he laughs manically, setting me on edge.

“Don’t worry about it Jessie,” he replies in the voice he uses on me to coax me into something I don’t like.

“Luke tell me what the fuck is going on. And the truth,” I snap. He was damn lucky I was at home, curled up in bed.

“Look Jessie I have to go, I’m late for practice. Bye.” He hangs up, leaving me fuming.

*

**March**

My day starts off like it normally does, with my two dogs licking at my face and demanding to be let outside. I drag myself out of bed and go on autopilot, Paz and Mops weaving between my legs as I wash my face and head out the room and down to the kitchen.

I let them out and start half a pot of coffee. Afterwards I go on my morning run and go to the gym. I don’t get to watch the news or catch up on my social media because I start running late to work. Oh how I so desperately wish I had that morning.

I ignore two calls from Calum as I walk into the restaurant and pop in a cd into the stereo so I don’t get to hear the celebrity gossip like I usually do. He’s probably bored on the road I let myself think as I turn on all the equipment greeting the chef and morning preppers as they stumble in.

By noon I’m getting weird looks from my regulars, more than one kind old lady asking about my marriage. I nod and smile, telling them that everything was good that Luke was on the road somewhere in the States. More than once this warrants tight smiles and worried glances. Even Kevin asks if everything was okay, making my good mood turn suspicious. I don’t bother with reading the paper during my break, too absorbed in a book I’m reading. If only I had looked at it, then again maybe it’s better I heard everything from Calum instead.

At home my phone rings again. The late afternoon sun filters in, casting a red orange glow over the kitchen. Calum. This time I pick, smiling as I pour myself a glass of lemonade. “Hey Cal. What’s up?”

“Jessie are you okay?” Calum asks, sounding tired himself. I groan, resting my elbows against the counter.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that today, fuck man,” I say, listless at all the concern everyone’s been giving me.

“You don’t know?” Calum whispers, shocked. It makes me snap to attention, focusing on the curses falling out of Calum’s mouth.

“I don’t know what Calum? You’re not making sense,” I say worried now, had something bad happened? Did the band get in an accident, did something happen to my parents? To Jade or my aunt? Panic bubbles in my chest, the uneasiness that had been there since February coming back full force.

“You don’t fucking know.” Calum repeats blandly, sounding very much a mix of relieved and worried.

“Calum what the hell, just tell me,” I snap on edge now.

“Oh Jessie,” Calum sighs, “I hate to be the bearer of bad news…”

-

After we hang up I turn on the t.v, I open up my social media, I bring up multiple gossip sights on my laptop and just stare. Numbly, Calum’s confession and my own mother’s voice echoing through my head. There’s multiple fan sightings and videos, paparazzi photos to add truth to Calum’s story. Yet all I can do is stare at one of those photos from last night.

Of Luke with his arms around a petite brunette in low cut red dress as they exit out of some bar in San Diego, one of the girls arms covering her face the other cheekily in his hand. A picture of them drunkenly kissing in front of the car. What stands out to me the most is the lack of his wedding band on his finger. I can feel the tears burn my eyes but they don’t fall just yet as I go through account after account with seedy photos spanning since he landed in L.A.

Pictures of him with her walking around L.A with shopping bags in broad daylight, pap photos of them at the beach sharing a blanket. Grainy videos of the two of them holding hands as they duck into the practice venue. On her own accounts there a handful of pictures of her wearing a few of his shirts, and one picture of her wearing a cap of his. Added to Calum’s own story of how he first caught them weeks ago sneaking around, and finally of last night where he saw them dancing and kissing.

And really it was just his own words that I needed to trust. ‘ _He’ll break your heart’_ my mother had said to me in spite, oh how I wish I had listened. The tears spill over finally, Calum’s promise to fly back to Sydney heavy on my heart. If only I had paid attention more closely instead of blissfully ignoring all the celebrity gossip.

-

Luke beats Calum by a day.

I sit with my back against the front door, Luke’s incessant knocking making my head pound. My sadness has long turned into anger, a slow bubbling underneath my skin that makes me want to hurt him back just as hard. He’s yelling now, asking me to open up the door in a broken voice. Exactly the reason I changed the locks.

“Jessie, baby, open up the door and we can talk about this,” He pleads jiggling the door knob. I let a few tears fall from my eyes, wishing Calum or anyone really was next to me. Mops licks at my heels, probably wondering why her human won’t let her other human in.

“Go away Luke,” I cry, bringing my knees to my chest. It hurt, god it hurt so much. The banging falls silent and I let myself sink lower onto the floor one hand curled around the delicate necklace suffocating me.

The banging picks up again at the back door. He jumped the fucking fence. I pull myself up, pushing my bangs out of my face and make my way over to the back windows. I peek out the curtain, glad I had drawn the blinds, to find Luke trying to turn the lock with the wrong key. It lets me let out a bitter laugh, he couldn’t get into the house.

Twenty minutes later he admits defeat, slumping against the back door and resting his head against it. I do the same on my side, forcing myself to eat a bowl of instant noodles. “Jessie you know how the media is, you’re really going to believe them?” I swallow my noodles thickly, so he doesn’t know Calum told me all about it. That I would’ve been ignorant until he told me, he’s lying to my face hoping I’ll forgive him.

“Tell me the truth Luke,” I whisper, hoping maybe he won’t hear me. “Tell me the goddamn truth.”

It’s silent on the other side for at least ten minutes until he speaks up again, “Yes. I… we did kiss multiple times.” I hold back a sob, barely, biting down on my hand. The tears come back fast and hard, dripping down my cheeks and nose. I feel something break inside, joining whatever was left of my heart.

It takes a while for me to get my breathing under control, to stop the sobs that rack my body. I put my head between my knees, sucking in air the way Ashton’s therapist had taught me years ago. It works, finally getting me to even out my breathing. The numbness inside my body, well I would deal with that later.

“I’m not letting you in,” I say just loud enough for him to hear me.

“Okay.” He says weakly. I stay against the door until I’m sure he’s gone. I walk around the house making sure, peeking out every window. I venture into the studio, and recheck the locks and windows before finally scooping up Mops, Paz at my heels, and walking up to the bedroom.

-

Calum finds me drunk in the kitchen as I stumble around trying to find the brownies I know I made a few days ago. I’m a mess, I know, dressed in ratty sweats and a very old band tee from when I was probably eighteen. Barefoot, too, as I look down at the pink colored toes. I feel myself sway, clutching to the side of the fridge with the open bottle of wine in my other hand.

When Calum finally knocks on the back door I struggle to open it. “Jessie,” he sighs, giving a sad look. He doesn’t say anything else, just pulls me into a hug and holds me tight. I don’t cry, I just breathe him in and hold on just as tight. Home, he smells like home. I clutch at him tighter, dropping my head onto his chest.

“Why? Why Calum?” I say hoarsely.

“I don’t know love, I don’t know,” He whispers, smoothing down my tangled hair. He presses a kiss to my forehead, soothing me.

“Jessie?” I look up to find Ashton, carrying two duffle bags. I reach for him and he’s holding me, murmuring words of strength into my ear.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I ask later after Calum leads me into a bubble bath and washes my hair for me, never once am I concerned about him seeing me naked, layering a plain long sleeved shirt and sweater on me along with thick black leggings.

“He told us not to tell you,” Ashton says slowly, running a comb through my hair while Calum makes me a cup of tea. “He threatened to um, punch a few people.”

“I told him to stop,” Calum whispers angrily setting a peanut butter sandwich in front of me along with the tea. “Didn’t fucking stop him.” I dully pick at the sandwich shoving a small chunk into my mouth. I didn’t care for any more details there was nothing else to discuss besides the fact that Luke kissed Michael and Calum’s nanny and now I had to figure out where to go from here.

I stay quiet, drinking tea and tearing my sandwich to bits. I let Calum and Ashton talk over me, cussing out Luke to asking me what I wanted to do. I shrug, my head pounding too much to let me think properly. All I knew was that I wanted him out of this house until I figured it out. I tell them that, standing up and tossing my sandwich into the bin.

“Tell him, he has tomorrow only to get his shit out of this house or I sell it all, even the guitars.” Without looking at my friends I head out the kitchen and make my way to the guest bedroom I had relocated myself to.

-

Ashton helps me drag out his things early in the morning, leaving them in a pile in the foyer. Some of the stuff I drag into the masters, feeling petty and dramatic as I plan forms in my head. I force Calum to stay at the beach house, so Luke has nowhere else to run than back to L.A or his moms.

“What about tour?” I ask making a second cup of coffee for me. Ashton rolls his eyes and sips at his own.

“We had to scoot the dates back two weeks.” I nod, leaving it at that. 

 

Two hours later Ashton lets Luke in before running up the stairs leaving me sitting in the black Armani dress he had gotten me, a thin diamond and pearl choker around my neck and its matching earring in my ears. I have my own wedding bands on the coffee table next to me, my waist length hair straightened. I count to ten before I look at him, dressed in sweats and bags under his eyes. He looks wrecked I’ll give him that.

“Jessie, sweetheart I’m so sorry but it was only a kiss,” He say taking a step towards me. I stand up, drawing up to my fullest height. I wore heels so I wouldn’t have to crane my neck to see him, meeting him eye to eye.

“You still did it, you broke every promise you made to me,” I say surprised at how even my voice sounds. “You went behind my back and cheated with that girl. Don’t sweetheart me Luke when you made the boys hide your dirty little secret like a child!”

Luke bites at his lip, staring me down. “I still love you, I don’t know what to say Jessie. I fucked up, I fucked up royally but can we forget it happened it wasn’t like I slept with her.” I scoff, moving up the stairs.

“Bullshit.” I walk into the masters grabbing ties and socks. Ashton gives me a wary look but doesn’t try to stop my own childishness. I go to the banister and toss them over watching them float to the ground by Luke’s feet.

“You no longer live here,” I say calmly, “Get your stuff and get out.”

“Jessie don’t be stupid,” Luke tries to reason, stuffing the ties into a random box. “Let’s talk about this.”

“Nope,” I pop the ‘p’ going back to the masters for more clothes.

 

It goes on for a while, Luke trying to convince me to let him stay while I dump clothes and accessories on him or the surrounding floor. Eventually we start screaming at each, lashing out and going for where it hurts the most. Ashton, silently hands me items letting me insult his friend and bandmate but otherwise doesn’t step in.

“I want you out of this house!” I scream, dumping clothes on him. The shirts hit him the face, and he looks up at me jaw clenched. “Now.”

“It’s my house too!” Luke shouts, the anger in voice laced with sadness. I couldn’t bear to look at him, it hurt too much. I walk back into the room, Ashton perched uncomfortably on the bed. I don’t look at him, if I do I’ll start crying. I walk back into the closet and gather another handful of clothes.

I stalk back, dumping the next round of clothes over the rail. He takes the hits, looking up at me with tears in his eyes. “No it’s not, not when I’m the one here taking care of it. Get out Luke.” I say dryly, looking down at him.

“Jessie just fucking listen to me for a minute here,” he pleads, but I don’t feel like listening to him anymore. I stalk back to the bedroom, Ashton handing me more clothes. “I didn’t… I was drunk. We just got carried away, it was just dancing!”

“We were just dancing,” I mock, tossing the clothes. “We were just holding hands, we were just fucking.” I yell, banging my fist on the railing. Luke narrows his eyes at me, completely done with my shit. He gathers his stuff and walks out the front door.

I continue to dump clothes, making Ashton drag out his guitars and lay them by the door. I know if I get my hands on them I’ll break one of them. Mops scurries around us, anxious like she knows what’s happening. Paz sits on the couch, watching warily. I stalk back up the stairs just as Luke walks back into the house, “Jessie what the fuck?” He yells, ending in a frustrated groan at all his various valuables litter the floor.

I lean over the railing, raising an eyebrow at him. He looks up at me, scowling. “Get out Luke, and stay out.”

“You can’t do this Jess,” he tries again, voice softer. “After all that we’ve been through, you really think I would go out and cheat?”

“But you did,” I say just as quietly, my throat hurting from screaming all morning.  “That’s why I’m kicking you out.”

“Jessie, please love, you know how the tabloids are,” He sits on the floor, hoping to hash it out and stay in the end. “They make things up, spin and twist the truth around. You’re honestly going to believe that?’

“It’s not them I’m believing,” I mutter, knowing if Luke knew Calum had told me world war 5sos would start.

“Then believe me when I say I wouldn’t hurt you like this,” He voice cracks, making a part of me break down. But then Calum’s words float around in my head, that even if he thinks they didn’t sleep together it was heading there.

“Then you shouldn’t have screwed Calum’s nanny!” I scream again, tears spilling over. I wipe them quickly, but it’s too late, Luke as seen me and now he’s standing up.

I let him get up two steps before I threaten, “One more step and I call the police,” I say warily, holding out my cell.

“Goddamnit Jessica!” Luke roars, his temper finally flaring. “Let me up there or so help me.”

“I really wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Ashton speaks lowly from behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Why the fuck are you still here?” Luke shouts, flipping Ashton off. “You do this to get even with me Jessica? Sleep with Ashton.”

We both flinch, Ashton moving a good foot away from me. “I haven’t sunk as low as you,” I murmur. The remark hits Luke hard, his takes a hard step back, moving off the staircase.

He shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fine, have it your way Jessie. I’ll be at the beach house.”

“No you won’t,” Ashton speaks up again, leaning over the railing. “Calum’s there, and he’s angry.” Luke pales, finally catching on. Now he knows he told me. Luke shakes his head again, picking up his acoustic guitar.

“Where do I go then?”

“Figure it out.”

“Back to that girl’s place.”

Luke makes a face of disgust, sending one last pleading look my way. Maybe, a few years ago I would’ve said wait, and let him stay downstairs. He doesn’t deserve it this time around. When no answer comes he nods to himself, and walks out the door.

My resolve breaks after the door closes quietly. I throw myself in Ashton’s arms, letting him rub my back as he tries to sooth me. I sob into his shoulder, uncaring whether my tears stain his shirt. I cry and sob until my voice leaves me and no sound escapes, Ashton holding me upright when all I want is to sink to the floor and then lower.

“Where do I go from here?” I finally say, my voice barely a whisper. Ashton tucks his head over mine, rubbing my arms up and down.

“You live, live for yourself,” Ashton says sounding just as tired as me. I never asked for them to choice sides and I hate the strain it puts on the bands relationship. You can’t play both sides, I think bitterly, I shouldn’t have dragged them into this. I wasn’t worth this, Luke wasn’t worth this. “You’re worth it Jessie, I know you. You’re strong, you’ll find a way to move past this, even if it means we’re not in your life anymore.”

My heart shatters even more than I could think possibly, but it gets me to stop the tears running down my cheeks. “Can you and Cal stay the night? Before you go back to L.A.” Ashton nods and leads me down to the living room.

Later Calum climbs into bed with me, rubbing my back as tears flow again. He’s too good of a friend for me, humming another wordless lullaby as he tries to coax me to sleep. I knew this was going to put a strain on his and Michael’s relationship, yet here he was. “Thank you Calum, love you.” I whisper, tangling my fingers with his. I get no response back but by then I’m already falling asleep.

 -

They go back on tour because there is still a tour to go back to and still sold out venues and arenas to play to. Calum and Ashton leave me at the hands of their mothers and Ashton’s little sister, making sure I get out of bed every morning and have three meals a day. Lauren drags me out to Canberra for a weekend of spa treatments and partying. Mali flies in for a week and a half and gives me a wakeup call, making sure I go into work at the right times and actually pull myself together.

A few days before she leaves we fly out to Melbourne and she drags me to a salon a friend of hers owns. It’s also the day I return to my normal self, letting the stylist cut off all my hair into a pixie cut with long bangs. Since that isn’t enough for me I let her bleach it and dye it blonde with a purple and blue ends. I feel lighter after that, more content with staying in the huge house alone.

In May I fly Jade over for an extended vacation, the eighteen year old more than happy to come down right after her high school graduation. She keeps me company and makes me laugh for real, showing me pictures she took with Calum and Michael at the Phoenix concert and comparing it to the ones we had taken when we first met the two.

“Who would’ve guessed,” she quips, nursing a wine cooler with me in front of the fire pit in the backyard. “That they would be married and with a daughter, when we met them they didn’t even hold hands.” She giggles, tucking her feet behind her. She hasn’t changed much since my wedding, her hair is shorter and she wears a little more makeup but she’s still the annoying and feisty niece of mine.

“Who would’ve guessed a lot of things,” I murmur staring out into the sunset, the sky painted navy and rose.

*

**August.**

Five months. Five months and one anniversary later and Luke comes back to Sydney. Calum gives me the heads up, my anger and hurt long faded to the back of my soul. He’s flying in from somewhere in Europe from what I’ve kept up with the band they were wrapping up the European leg of the tour, heading to Moscow after these short four days they have off.

Five months is a long time.

It’s enough time for me to reevaluate my life in Sydney and my marriage to Luke. It was enough time to listen to my mother tell me she told me so and enough time for her to fly out and mend things between us. It’s enough time to pull myself together and look at myself in the mirror and decide blonde really isn’t my color and dye my hair dark again.

In five months I’ve decided where I’m going the rest of my life.

Luke shows up the day after our second anniversary, confused as to why Jade was opening the door and not me. She had stayed, applying for a visa and deciding to take a gap year instead of going to uni in the states. I hear her explain all that while I walk down the stairs quietly, dressed in skinnies and a peach blouse. I have my wedding bands on for the first time in five months. The only thing five months couldn’t get rid of were the tiny creases around my eyes and on my forehead, stress and heartbreak finally aging me.

I find Luke and Jade in the kitchen digging into the upside down cake I had made yesterday. “Do you like it?” I ask turning the attention on me.

Time hasn’t been kind to Luke either, there are dark circles under his eyes and he look duller, skinnier. Yet his eyes are still the same changing blue and he lights up when he sees me. I glance to his left hand, surprised to find his wedding band on. “Jessie. Yes, this is great I’ve missed your cooking.” He looks at me expectantly, hoping that I’ll rush into his arms and declare him forgiven. Not yet.

“Jade, can you give us a moment?” For once she doesn’t argue, just silently slips out of the kitchen.

“Luke, we need to talk,” I say, grabbing a manila folder off the top of the fridge and throwing it away in front of him. I lean on the counter and wait until he looks at me to speak again. “Those were the papers I was going to mail you two months ago for a divorce, hell I got through the first page before I decided to get drunk. Here’s the thing, I’m giving you one last chance Luke I don’t know why but I am. I love you too much to throw all this away. A few kisses can be forgiven.” I look down at my hands and wait for Luke’s reply.

“Oh my god, thank you Jessie, I promise I won’t ever fuck up again,” Luke rushes moving to sweep me up in a hug. I hug him back his warmth familiar to me all at once. “I swear I’ll be better to you, you’re my life. It’s been hell without you.”

I let out a bitter laugh, pulling away. “I’ll let you move in, but you stay in one of the guestrooms until I say otherwise.”

“Agreed.”

I pat Luke’s cheek, keeping my own emotions in check even as Luke cries in front of me and promises the moon and stars to me all over again. I let him ramble on, not moving away from the loose circle he has around my waist. He’s my life as well and I just couldn’t let go of the boy I had been with since I was nineteen. Even if my heart was ice and my chest was numb, the promise of a better day sounded a lot sweeter with Luke at my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, it was my original intent to have jessie and calum get together in the sequel but I scrapped that idea somewhere in the middle of what was not expected. All that remains of that storyline is this chapter and the next two chapters of When the Odds Are Stacked. Funny huh?


	13. Australian Sunsets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jessie figures out how to let Luke back into her life and heart, tour comes to an end, and life begins to even out.

**October.**

I decide to open up another restaurant. Luke flies to Sydney in early October when the band has a week off to celebrate the release of the acoustic album to help me choose a place for it. I want to open it in Melbourne I tell him as I pack a suitcase full of clothes. He takes it in stride and transfer clothes from his own luggage to a duffle bag. We leave Jade dog sitting and catch the next flight to the vibrant city.

Luke makes up for missing my birthday buy buying two dozen red roses and two single lilies. “Twenty six, get it? Because you’re twenty six.” I roll my eyes but admire the flowers propping them nicely against the window in the tiny apartment we got for the week.

I still don’t let him sleep with me, in every sense, my heart too fragile to let that happen but I slowly start trusting him again. He opens every door for me and respects the lines I draw, erase, and draw again. We stay up late swapping stories of our five months apart, realizing how hellish they were without each other.

He follows me to different retail spaces, reminding me that we could always build it from the ground up if we didn’t find a place I loved. He wakes me up with coffee every morning that week before treating me out to fancy brunches and breakfasts. To make up for missing our second wedding anniversary he surprises me with an afternoon out on a yacht, soaking in the sun and giggling over mimosas and fancy appetizers.

I finally find the space I like by accident, we’re taking a morning off the last day in Melbourne by strolling through an art gallery, quietly debating if it was practical to buy a ten thousand dollar piece of abstract art if we had ten grand to spare. Luke decides that yes it is practical because we have the money for it, I stand against it saying we could buy a lot of other things with ten thousand. As I debate with him I knock into a sign listing all the available floors, the second to top one open for rent and kitchen equipped.

I call the real estate agent and two hours later we’re allowed in and given a tour.

“You know I thought I recognized the two of you,” the agent smiles leading us around the open area.

“Really?” Luke jokes, winking at me. I laugh quietly soaking in the area.

“Yeah, I always visit your restaurant when I’m in Sydney Mrs. Hemmings and my little sister loves your band,” she says showing us the kitchen. The area was in desperate need of new paint and new decoration but overall it was the best space I had seen all week.

“How old is your sister?” I ask honestly interested in what age group the band appealed to now. Their music style had changed after the hiatus, leaning more towards rock than punk.

“Twenty-one, she’s excited to show here in Melbourne in two weeks.” The agent chirps before going over rent and utility fees. So I was right, the band attracted an older crowd now. Jade was probably the exception.

At the end of the tour I drag Luke to a corner asking him what he thinks of the place. “I think we should get it, it’s in the heart of the city…” I trail off, biting down on my lip.

“Then take it Jess,” Luke responds fondly. “This is your restaurant after all. If you like the place then get it.”

“Yes but do you like it?”

“Of course I couldn’t have picked a better spot if I tried.” Luke laughs, looking around the place. I nod furiously, thinking everything over.

“Ma’am I would like to rent this space,” I call out, already walking towards the agent.

-

That night Luke and I get drunk, I can’t even say it wasn’t on purpose because we were celebrating getting the new space by going bar hopping like the twenty somethings we were. It becomes a blur after the third place, I find myself holding Luke’s hand letting him slide his arm around my waist. To keep me upright, I tell myself sternly.

When we reach the apartment we’re stumbling around pressing drunk kisses to each other, and giggling like high school kids. I laugh loudly as Luke fumbles around trying to get the right key in the slot. He loudly shushes me, pressing a hot kiss to my lips.

It changes the mood. Next thing I know we’re making out, clothes being shed off our bodies quickly. It seems like a good idea in my head, the last way to fix things between us by drunkenly sleeping together. For science, I tell myself as I push Luke down onto the bed and tug off his pants.

“You sure about this Jessie?’ Luke pants, bringing me closer to him. I kiss him heatedly, searching his mouth for answers. I wanted to make him forget all about that girl, to only know me. To only know what I felt and tasted like. Make him remember who he married and never stray again.

“Yes, a million times yes,” I whisper, watching those blue eyes darken.

*

Back in Sydney my life returns to normal again. I put together a team of different creative people to help create my new restaurant. I go back to school to get my masters, occupying my brain so I won’t have to think about the shit storm that was sleeping with Luke.

Bryana keeps me company on our days off, bringing over expensive wine just like she did in April. I teach her how to cook fancier dishes and bake something other than chocolate chip cookies so she can surprise Ashton when tour ends in another week. Sometimes we go shopping or she takes me to local concerts, making me breath life to its fullest.

In that time Jade discovers that she can legally do a lot of stuff down here in Sydney and most nights her new friends come around to pick her up and don’t drop her off until dawn. It makes me worry on the nights that she stumbles home drunk, her hair messed up and shoes in her hand. I lie to my aunt telling her she’s anywhere else but at clubs or dive bars.

One day she walks in with her lip pierced and a small tattoo on the inside of her wrist. I nearly have a heart attack, wondering how I’ll be explaining that to her mother. God was this what it felt like to be a parent?

“Look Jess,” Jade says shyly showing me the tattoo. It’s a tally mark, in fact it’s _the_ tally mark. “Just a little dedication to the band that’s our family now.” She shrugs, sneaking a few cookies and heading up to her room. I couldn’t be more proud.

And if I went out and did the same thing behind my ear the next day, then I would tell my aunt that it was my idea entirely and not to worry about such a tiny tattoo.

*

The Australian leg of the tour kicks off right before Halloween. All four guys stumbling into my house laughing and joking. I've missed the noise my loud friends always bring with them. The only one not fooling around is Calum, two year old Nadya on his hip struggling to get down. His new nanny follows quietly behind, holding a diaper bag and small backpack. She’s much older, in her forties at least and from what Calum told me, Nadya got along great with her.

“Ant!” Nadya squeals wiggling out of Calum’s grasp and tottering towards me. I couch down for her, swinging her up when she’s in my arms. “Ant!” she claps, pressing her nose against my cheek.

“Ant?” I raise a brow at Calum who shrugs.

“She’s two Jess,” Michael says laughing. “And a handful,” he whispers the last part, planting kisses on Nadya’s cheeks.

“No!” she cries, burying her face in my neck.

“There there Nadya, I won’t let your dad take you away,” I tease, taking her into the kitchen.

“Can she have a cookie?” I query already handing the toddler one.

“Does it have peanuts?” Calum yells, running into the kitchen.

“No it’s a sugar cookie,” I say, “Does she have an allergy?”

“Yeah,” Calum nods. “A bad one.”

“I’ll keep that in mind then” I mumble, pulling him into a hug. He hugs back tightly, resting his head on my shoulder.

“How are you?” He whispers.

“Good, I think I’m good,” I say, pulling back. “Ready to rock Sydney?”

“Heck yeah!” He cheers, sweeping up Nadya.

-

Bryana and I follow the band around for the last of the shows. Going twice to the three Sydney shows and flying out to Melbourne and Perth for the others. We switch behind sitting in the front rows and staying backstage, Nadya always next to me with her little ear plugs in.

 

“Her first word was fuck? Really guys?” I laugh glancing down to the sleeping toddler.

Calum nods curtly, shoving Michael. “I blame him, I told him to stop cussing in front of her and he didn’t.”

“In my defense I didn’t think she would start talking so soon,” Michael grumbles taking a sip of his beer. We’re all backstage before the last show of the last tour, enjoying celebratory beers before they went on stage.

“She was walking before she could crawl!” Calum says excitedly, throwing his hands up in the air. “Don’t have kids Jessie, you too Ashton!” Calum exclaims, pointing to the drummer.

Ashton gives a tight smile, slipping on a black muscle shirt. “Trust me I’m not.” Bryana glances up at him, giving him a sad smile. I look between the two, wondering what Ashton wasn’t saying.

Before I can question him the tour manager pops her head in, “Let’s go boys! It wouldn’t do to run late on your last show.” I let Luke drag everyone into a circle, each one of us holding hands with another.

He take a deep breath, looking around the circle before settling on me. “Eleven years ago this band came into being and despite the hardships—“ Calum snorts, quickly waving it off. “All the trying moments, and every shitty thing I put you three through its honestly been a good run. I couldn’t imagine doing this with one else except you guys. You guys are my family in every sense, my brothers. I really am sorry for the crap I put everyone through and I hope after this we can all move on with our lives and create better memories.” Luke pauses, giving me a small smile. “I owe a lot to you Jessie, you’ve been my rock and the absolute love of my life since I was eighteen.”

“Thank you for staying with me even when I had ran out of chances, thanks each and every one of you for staying with me. I love all of you so much.” He ends wiping a stray couple of tears. I could even feel myself getting choked up, the ice in my heart melting a bit.

“I’m glad every one of you became my family,” Michael speaks up, “I’m glad Calum married me and let me put this band together all those years ago. Everything happens for a reason,” he shrugs, quickly pressing a kiss to Calum’s temple. “I love you guys. Especially you Calum, and Nadya.”

“I love you guys too, I’m glad this whole band thing worked out,” Calum says, clearing his throat.

“Me too, without you guys, who knows where I would be right now,” Ashton says, looking around the room. “Our dreams came true and now it’s time to have better ones. Here’s to the band.” Ashton tips his beer around, the rest of us raising our own.

“Give them hell guys,” I say, watching them run out of the room.

-

I’m backstage watching the show having a good time as the set comes to a close, the guys getting teary eyed on more than one occasion. As the encore begins Luke starts speaking, giving a speech similar to the one he gave in the dressing room. I zone it out until I hear my name, Bryana taking Nadya out of my arms and scooting me forward.

“Now Jessie has been my wife for only two years, but as most of you know we’ve been together since we were teenagers,” Luke is talking to the crowd, leaning against the mic stand. “She is quite the reason this band is up here right now, she made us realize what it really meant to be a close knit family. I mean look how that worked out for Calum and Michael.”

He clears his throat, looking out into the crowd. “Okay, time to get to the point. So for the very last show I would like to dedicate it to the love of my life. Jessie get out here!” He points at me, beckoning. I feel my feet move out of the wings and onto the stage, a spotlight shining on me.

My worst fear and for once it didn’t bother me. I make my way to Luke, stopping to hug each of the others. I finally reach Luke, letting him kiss me for all of Perth to see. “It’s nice to finally meet all you guys,” I speak into the mic earning cheers and whistles from the crowd.

“I feel like most us grew up with these guys,” I say pointing to the band. “And like the majority of us, we’re closing one chapter of our lives and starting a new one. Enjoy this show, and just be a teenager again!”

Ashton strikes up the intro to the last song, Calum’s bass joining a minute later. I walk off stage waving and blowing kisses to the crowd, overjoyed and running on adrenaline. I had conquered my stage fright in the end and the band ended on a high note like Luke had wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's two more chapters left of this fic, wow how time flies. I'm glad I decided to rewrite and finish this fic. Thank you to everyone who has read this and given kudos etc...


	14. Slowly, Quietly, Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months fly by and Jessie comes to her final decisions on her life with Luke.

**February**

The next few months pass by quietly. With the tour finished we go our separate ways. I let Luke back into our home, letting him stay in the room next to mine as I avoid the topic of letting him back into my heart. Jade stays with us, bringing me a welcomed distraction as I nag her about finding a job and looking into universities. I hole myself up with work, designing and eventually flying out to Melbourne to work on my restaurants construction. Luke, for all its worth, takes it day by day and allows me to dance around him. To let him kiss me one day, and the next not even look at me.

Ashton and Bryana carry on, planning their wedding quietly. Ashton looks for new talent to sign to the label, going to Melbourne with me to listen to local indie bands and walk through the art district with me. Bryana’s parents invite them to Miami for Christmas so Luke and I send them off, promising to plant sit Bryana’s small herb garden. I pay Jade to watch it so I won’t have to.

Michael and Calum fly back to L.A, already moving on to settling into domestic life. Calum sends me videos of the new things Nadya learns every day. The two year old brings them immense joy, always listening in to the video calls Calum and I have almost nightly. Calum and Michael proudly show off their new colored in tattoos thanks to Nadya, who claps and squeals, “Daddy ‘n papa pretty!” Michael also sports a flower crown on his head that matches Nadya’s, the hyper little girl starting to bounce off the walls. One moment stands out, especially, of Calum calling for business reasons only to end in him running down the halls chasing Nayda, who is chasing Wilson and Duchess covered in mud. The family unit keeps my hopes up that things could be mended between me and Luke, Michael and Calum’s daughter keeping my soul warm.

With Ashton and Bryana in Miami for Christmas, Michael and Calum take off to Scotland to join the Hoods for Christmas sending our gifts so we get them beforehand. With everyone in different corners of the world we have Christmas with Luke’s family before flying to Phoenix for New Years, hauling Jade along with us.

-

Late in February I drag Ashton back to Melbourne with me to host the grand opening of my new restaurant. He agrees quickly, talking about his upcoming plans with me.

The night before the restaurant opens we look over everything, I had long sent the staff home leaving us alone in the larger restaurant. I dust and mop myself, letting Ashton inspect the liquor and wipe down the bar. We work around each other, making sure the tapestries on the wall hang straight and the wine bottle chandelier is secure. I scrub the floors until I can see my reflection in the glossy black tiles, Ashton doing the same with the dark glass tabletops. 

Afterwards he pours a glass of scotch for us both and we settle into one of the booths, sipping quietly as I go over the last minute details. When Ashton reaches to refill his glass I put my hand over his, shaking my head. “You sure about that?”

Ashton chuckles lowly, sitting back. “I haven’t been drunk since the night I booked into the hospital, one more drink isn’t going to hurt me.” Whether he says it to convince me or himself, he doesn’t refill his glass. 

“I feel like we don’t talk as much anymore,” I start quietly, “how’s the wedding planning going?”

Ashton shrugs, “Good, I mean we decided to have it here and it’s going to be small. At the most a hundred people.” I nod, setting aside my work.

“That is small, but you know it’s still a year to go,” I respond. Ashton shrugs again, a smile tugging on his lips.

“Not everyone can have a three hundred guest list like you and Luke,” he teases, eyes widening as he remembers we’re not on good terms. “I mean, eh fuck it.”

I giggle myself, lifting my hands, “And look where that got us. He keeps finding ways to say sorry and I’m starting to crack.”

Ashton stays quiet, playing with the glass in his hands. “It was hell going back on tour after that week,” he says slowly, looking me in the eye. “Every interview we did we had to do it in pairs, Luke and Michael and me and Cal.” I glance down, I had known that would happen. “Michael, he was mad at Luke but he was also mad at Calum, Luke took it as Michael taking his side. If it wasn’t for Nadya I think Calum and Michael would have fought a lot more than they did.”

“Wait they were fighting?” I interrupt him, Calum had never told me. Ashton nods sullenly letting out a tired sigh. It was the first time I noticed he had prominent wrinkles around his eyes and forehead, and frown lines. This tour had aged him.

“Everyone got over it quickly, I mean we were on tour. Stuffed into a bus half the time we kinda had to put it past ourselves and start thinking like a band,” Ashton admits, going into the details of the tour. It was a lot of stress I realize, Calum always snippy over Nadya and Luke brooding half the time. Ashton claims recording the acoustic album was what helped them, bonding back over old songs and the buzz of the studio. He and Michael had stayed to themselves mostly, wondering around the cities with Nadya.

“I think,” Ashton says quietly, “Luke really does regret what he did. He really loves you, and I would never approve of what he did but, I think he gets caught up in the rock star life. If what you’ve told me hasn’t proved that to you, then I think you have your answer.” I allow myself to nod and feel guilty for a minute, before putting the walls back up.

“I think Luke and I need to have another talk.” Is all I say on the matter, my heart jumping out of my chest and my throat tightening.

“But how are you Ashton?” I pry, digging in my heels to the conversation I wanted to have. “You said something on the night of the last show that caught me off guard.”

“About having kids?” Ashton says sadly, staring down at his hands while his jaw works. I hum my agreement, waiting for him to carry on or change the topic.

“I… and don’t get me wrong I love kids and I love Nadya with all my heart, I just don’t see myself having kids of my own,” Ashton finally gets out, still staring at his hands. “I still have nightmares, still have moments that I’m not myself. That’s no condition to raise a child, I already told Bryana and she’s still willing to stay with me, lord knows what I did to deserve her—“

“Stop right there,” I cut in taking his hands in mine. “You are so worthy of love, Ash, stop with that please. It’s okay that you don’t want kids right now, even ten years from now, even ever.”

“I just see Michael and Calum with Nadya… and it hurts a little I guess. Because I don’t want that type of happiness even if I should,” Ashton sobs, “If my mind wasn’t so fucked up, maybe it would be a different story but I can’t Jessie. I can’t and won’t have kids.”

“Shhh, you are not fucked up Ashton,” I murmur, meaning every word. “You’re happiness is important and having kids isn’t everything, It’s okay to put yourself first for once, don’t look to Cal and Mike or me and Luke as examples.” Ashton gives a small nod, laying his head on the table. I stroke his hair, untangling the sandy locks.

“I promise to be that uncle that spoils all the kids though,” he jokes, a smile appearing on his. I laugh, the sound filling the room.

“I’ll remember that,” I joke back.

With our emotions drained we pack up, and leave the restaurant to head back to our hotel. I feel more at ease somehow, more content with Luke and I’s pending relationship status these past few months. I can tell Ashton carries himself a little lighter as well, no longer worrying over being judge about his domestic life. I let my mind wonder, hoping that maybe it wasn’t too late to take back Luke.

-

The next day brings the opening of my second restaurant. Lines form outside the door and the band Ashton books for the occasion draws even more crowds. I’m always thankful for my success, knowing that these restaurants were mine and mine only, and not associated with the band at all sat well on my shoulders. Of course people came solely to see them sometimes, but were always reminded that they didn’t work or run the restaurants.

A few days later I hand over the spare key to Kevin who I made manager of the restaurant. He hugs me, wishing me luck in everything I do. I leave him to run the place, happy with my choices. I could feel the rest of my life settling as I board the plane back to Sydney, there was just one last thing I needed to do.

*

I get home late at night, stepping inside my home to be greeted by my dogs yapping and scurrying around the house. I find Luke asleep on the couch, mouth open and his notebook resting on his chest. I smile and snap a quick picture to send to the boys before shaking him awake.

“Luke, Luke babe, wake up,” I mutter into his ear, getting him to stir.

“What time is it?” He groans, sitting up.

“A little past one, come on lets go to bed,” I say hoisting him up. He follows confused up the stairs, stopping when I make sure Jade is asleep in her room, and stopping again at the threshold to the master bedroom.

“Jessie what are you doing?” He questions warily, staying put.

“I’ve thought some things over while I was in Melbourne,” I say, raking my hands through my short hair. “I would really love for you to move back into our room, if you want to anymore I mean.”

Luke blinks, nodding dumbly. “Of course I’d want to Jessie. Let me just grab some clothes.” He walks away and into the other room leaving me standing in the doorway.

I turn and go get ready for bed, sliding under the covers and Luke still hasn’t come. Maybe he won’t come, maybe he doesn’t want to anymore. I’m falling asleep when I feel the bed dip and the covers move back, Luke’s familiar scent making its way to me.

“Thought you weren’t going to show,” I mumble, opening my eyes a little.

“I needed a minute to pull myself together,” he admits, carefully pulling me against his chest. I hum, happy, pressing my toes against his calves. The final pieces click into place, sharp edges dulling and blurring. It’s far from perfect and we still need to talk things out again but tonight I’m only happy to have my husband in my arms again, to have him kissing the top of my head and muttering goodnight. This marriage was hard work, but I wasn’t giving up just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter left :')


	15. Epilogue: To Surprise Beginnings and Nostalgic Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group is ready to close one chapter of their lives, at last, and settle down. Christmas comes around and fond memories are brought back. Jessie learns some surprising and joyous news and Nadya experiences her first Christmas in Sydney.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and thank you for reading this ending :)

**December. Christmas Eve.**

I found myself sitting at the edge of the beach. It felt fitting.

It was Christmas Eve again, and it was a special Christmas this time around. It was Nadya’s first Christmas here at the beach house and Calum and Michael were excited to share the tradition with her. These past three Christmases haven’t felt the same celebrating elsewhere.

I rest my face in my hands, watching the waves roll in and out. Five years. I’ve celebrated five Christmases here. There was no grand or drunken party this time around. This time Calum and I cooked our favorite dishes, there was going to be a movie marathon, and Michael and Mali were making hot chocolate. At Nadya’s insistence we were all sleeping under the tree tonight.

I giggled, that little girl had her parents wrapped around her carefully painted fingers. I was glad to hold a special place in her life too, being a godparent.

I fall back against the sand, the coolness making me shiver. The tight dress I was in wasn’t practical, but it would set up the scene I wanted. I could feel my dynamic in the world changing as I sat there staring up at the stars. Everything was being shifted around and placed under different levels of importance. It made me giddy, I now understood the joy that coursed through Calum and Michael, even when Nadya threw fits. I placed my hands on my stomach absent mindlessly, rubbing circles into the muscles.

 

Six years. I had grown up here in this beach house. We all had. All of us had picked up the pieces and put them back together in this beach house. We were all closer to thirty than to twenty now. I remembered that morning after running into my boys, how it had all felt so normal. Cooking, laughing, just being. I guess I knew from the moment I had ran into Calum that I would be in their lives for the foreseeable future. I just didn’t picture this. Serendipity.

I can hear everyone’s jumbled conversations. Nadya’s high pealed laughter mixed with Michael’s warm voice. Mali’s and Calum’s voices are the closest to me, sounding both the same, smooth like honey. I can barely make out Luke and Ashton, Bryana’s laugh ringing out. They must all be gathering on the deck now.

Family, this is my family. Of course I have my aunt and Jade here. Dad promised to visit for New Years. But as I strain my neck to see the people gathering on the deck, the only word that comes to mind is family. I’ve made them my family. Sisters, brothers, lovers, and best friends they were all I had. All I needed.  

Memories flood through my mind as I recall quietly the past eight or so years. From meeting Calum and Michael at that stadium, to meeting Luke backstage. The first date Luke took me on, and how quickly I become a confidant to the other three.

Ashton’s personal struggles float through and I frown. The fights and yelling, they painted a nasty picture. Calum’s rudeness and temper, Luke and him fighting. I bring up the memory of pressing frozen vegetables to Luke with a black eye, Michael telling me of Calum’s own bruises. I cringe, rolling onto my side. Me, walking away from it all, and leaving Luke brokenhearted. My mother had been wrong, Luke and I broke each other’s hearts equally.

I fast forward, memories passing by me. I rest on late night talks with Ashton, face-timing with the blond in different time zones. Going out partying with Michael and Calum, Luke and I curling up in blankets and watching movies.

I move forward again, the recent years coming to light. How everything has been shaping up so far. Weddings, anniversaries, and happier things come to mind. Despite Luke and I’s estrangement the past year, I still believed we were better together than apart. It was his last chance, yet how many times had I said that?

I dig my fingers into the sand. Never mind, things could only get better from here.  The stars wink at me, holding the secrets to mine and my friend’s lives.

 

“Ant Jess!” I turn around smiling, Nadya throwing her arms around me. “You hiding?” She asks in her own childish seriousness.

“Thinking,” I say, settling the little girl in my lap.

“Tinking?” She questions, screwing her eyebrows at me. Her lisp makes me smile, she’s more like Calum and Michael than any of us expected. Bright green eyes, and raven curls and the attitudes to match. We forget she’s adopted, an unexpected mix of them both. Serendipity, I guess. “’Bout what?”

I bite my lip, unsure what to tell the little girl. How do I explain I’m getting ready for my life to change? That I’m reminiscing of all the wild adventures I’ve been on with her dads?

I settle on why I remembering, why I’m sitting out here on the sand like I’m twenty one again wishing for my dreams to come true. That I’m missing Calum on my side, telling me everything will work out.

“Can I tell you a secret Nadya?” I whisper, French braiding her hair.

“Yes!” She squeals, clapping her hands together.

“Okay but you can’t tell anyone yet,” I say quietly, looking around for Calum or Michael. They had to be close, they didn’t let their daughter more than two feet out of sight. Especially so close to the water.

“Not even daddy and papa?” She fidgets around, looking up at me. I nod my head, holding out my pinky.

“Promise me Nadya.”

“I prowmise,” she says solemnly, clasping my pinky with hers. I bend down and whisper my secret in her ear, putting it as child friendly as I can. She giggles, clapping her hands.

“Nadya are you bothering Jessie?” Calum’s voice startles me, making me twitch.

“NO,” She yells, burying her had in my chest, I hold her tight, patting the sand next to me.

Calum shakes his head, smiling. “Nadya your daddy wants you to help set the table.” He sits next to me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“Do I have’ta?” She pouts, batting her eyelashes at Calum.

“Nadya,” he says sternly, “Go help your dad.”

“’kay,” she sighs, climbing out of my lap and running off back to the deck.

I lean my head on Calum’s the sound of the ocean bringing back more memories. He stays quiet, letting sand slip through his fingers. Of course Calum knew my secret, he was the first to know and by accident. He might have freaked seeing me puking my breakfast out at the restaurant, but he had dragged me to the doctors nonetheless.

“Are you sure you want to do this?’ Calum says quietly. “Having everyone’s parents here?”

I nod, my hand moving to my belly. “Yeah, better to shock everyone at once than separately” Calum laughs, nudging me.

“Luke still doesn’t know right?” I nod, tossing a rock out into the ocean. He would know soon enough.

Calum whistles lowly, the sound piercing the night air. We’ve grown so much together, he holds all my secrets and I hold all of his. Hell we knew too much about each other to stop being friends now. He would turn twenty seven next month. We were getting old. The band was officially done with touring and everything, we had time to soak in life.

Without another word we both stand and head to the deck. Mali and Bryana are pouring wine into glasses, Calum taking one graciously. Luke comes out, setting down a pan of food. He smiles at me, shyly bringing me in for a kiss. With his parents and brothers around he’s more careful with the pda, I kiss him back quickly.

Michael doesn’t seem to mind having his parents and in-laws around, pulling Calum into a heated kiss, earning whistles from Mali and Ashton’s brother. We all laugh, Nadya pulling faces at her parents. “Gross,” she mumbles, worming her way into a seat next to Mali. Calum pulls back, blushing. Michael just winks at me, kissing Calum one more time on the cheek.

We settle into our seats, Mali pushing a glass of wine at me. I set it aside, ignoring the alcohol. I wait for everyone to get their food, to fall into conversation. I watch Calum make a plate for Nadya, filling it with the foods he knows she’ll eat. Michael rolls his eyes, taking the plate and scooping vegetables and sweet potatoes on the plate, scraping off the extra portion of chicken.

Luke reaches for my hand, concern etched on his face. “You never turn down that wine, you okay?”

I smile at him, moving blonde hair out of his face. “Yeah, I just don’t feel like drinking just yet.” He kisses my knuckles, going back to talking to his brother about opening up a music store.

 

Minutes pass and I catch Nadya’s eyes, winking at her. She giggles, hitting Calum’s arm and pointing towards me. Calum raises a brow at me, mouthing ‘good luck.’

I stand up, tapping on my untouched glass of wine. Everyone looks at me, confusion and surprise on their faces. Luke bites his lip, questions in his eye. How much of a surprise is it that the second time we have sex after getting back together, this would happen?

“Um, I have an announcement for everyone,” I start, raising my glass to the crowd. “I’m pretty sure it was obvious, but like most things I guess not everyone picked up on it.”

“Except for me,” Calum teases, raising his own glass.

“You shush,” I smile, “You know too much.” Luke grabs my hand, blue eyes searching for some sort of answer. There is only us after this night, a new chapter for us to begin. Everything and nothing has led up to this point. My life with Luke was about to get a hell of a lot better, and messier. Of all the choices I made, including going to the stadium that one summer day, the one that sticks out the most was the one I made walking out of a bar and calling Luke’s name. I made the choice then to stick by him through everything, shoving aside my own hatred and anxiety of the spotlight to be with him. It was his turn to be there for me.

Now, this moment overrides it. The following moments after this will push that moment to the back of my memories. I’ve become the person I am now thanks to everything I have been through with Luke and everyone else. I felt comfortable with myself now, more of a better person. I was ready for this life changing moment.

One chapter of my life was ending, and another beginning. I glance around at everyone staring at me, I’ve been quiet for too long. I feel my cheeks heat up, and I clear my throat. It was time to close this chapter.

 

“Guys, I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you sooo soo much to anyone who has read this sequel and really any parts of this fic! And thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos on here. :) 
> 
> Find me on tumblr; 75-jetblckheart

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: 75-jetblckheart.tumblr.com


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